


Ambiguity

by trevorisscreaming



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: ADHD, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Davey has 7000 anxiety problems, Davey is super horny for Jack, F/F, Fights, Fist Fights, Hospitalization, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jack goes to jail, Katherine is a mess, Les has adhd and gets beat up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Modern Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Suicide Attempt, buckle up bois this is a doozy, kind of a lot, super minor/background on the drugs but, tagging to be safe, that's what you fuckers want isn't it, there may be some graphic violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-06-22 18:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trevorisscreaming/pseuds/trevorisscreaming
Summary: David Jacobs rapid fire applied to as many colleges as he could in two anxiety-ridden settings. The only ones that accepted him were halfway across the country, so he spent his summer convincing himself that he would be totally okay moving to a strange place, completely alone, with just himself and his panic disorder.The more time passes, the more he learns he may not be totally okay, or even a little bit okay. He sees himself becoming the disaster he always feared. While his little brother starts to fall apart as well, his family slowly turns on him, and he watches the love of his life crashing and burning, David is completely helpless and despairing. Adult life isn’t easy. Not at all.Then he meets a girl that figured that out long before he ever had to think about it. She teaches him that sometimes it’s okay to be a mess, and that friendship can be just as important as romance.





	1. Chapter 1

Davey sighed with relief as his head finally sunk into the pillow. Sure, most people didn't see 8:30 PM as late enough to constitute as a "finally" moment, but it was Monday and Davey hadn't slept the previous night. That wasn't all too uncommon for him, but after the day he'd had he was particularly exhausted. His eyes slowly closed as he relaxed into his bed. He was ready to sleep for a solid eleven hours.

The incoming Skype call sound rang from Davey's phone. He whined and rolled over to see who had the audacity to call him at such a perfectly reasonable hour. Les. Of course. Davey pushed himself up and ran his hands through his hair, trying to seem more awake. He declined the call and reached under his bed to retrieve his laptop, proceeding to return the call from there once everything started up.

"Why'd you hang up on me?" Les demanded in place of a greeting. He was voice-only, no camera. Davey frowned. That was unusual.

"Switching from phone to laptop. Sorry," Davey explained. "How are you?"

"Bad," Les said quietly. "I got in trouble at school. Mom's mad."

"Again? What happened?" Davey said, leaning forward to prop his chin in his hand. He wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon.

"...It was bad, Davey," Les got quieter. "More bad than normal."

"You mean 'worse,'" Davey corrected him. "But what happened?"

"I got in a fight," Les said after a pause.

Davey's heart rate picked up instantly. He needed to see Les's face. _Now._

"Les."

"Mhm?"

"Please turn on your camera," Davey said. He was fighting to keep his voice steady.

"Don't wanna," Les said. "You're gonna freak out."

"I am already freaking out I promise you I'm definitely already freaking out and whatever I'm picturing is probably a hundred times worse than what's actually wrong Les can you please let me see your face so I can know if it's justified," Davey choked out in one breath.

"Probably is justified," Les said, still not turning on his camera.

Davey felt himself starting to choke. _"Les! Turn on your fucking camera."_

The screen flickered from Les's profile image to a black screen for an agonizing second. Then, finally, Davey could see his thankfully not completely brutalized little brother.

"You should see the other guy," Les tried to joke.

Davey didn't respond at first, too busy evaluating the damage as well as he could. He was gripping his screen with both hands and leaning in far too close. There was a bruise on Les's left cheek and his lip was split, but Davey's anxiety had definitely conjured a much worse image. Davey closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.

"Is that all?" Davey asked.

"Um... Yeah! See? It isn't that bad. You always freak out," Les said.

"Yeah," Davey chuckled, still worried but relieved. "I do. Tell me it doesn't look worse in person?"

Before Les could answer, Davey's phone began to ring. It was his mother. Of course.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Have you spoken to your brother today?" She asked.

Davey watched on-screen Les glance over his shoulder, clearly hearing her from the next room. It was a bit surreal. Les looked back at him and shook his head.

"Uh, no. Why?" He asked.

"He got into a fight at school. A physical fight," She said.

"Is he okay?" Davey asked, trying to sound shocked. Les cringed.

"He's bruised in the face and he's broken his wrist," She explained with a sigh. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore."

"He broke his wrist?! He neglected to include that detail!" Davey's heart started pounding again.

"You said you hadn't talked to him!"

"You weren't supposed to tell her!" Les shouted.

"I'm not going to cover for you if you're going to lie to me!" Davey shouted at his screen.

His mother's voice sounded far away. "You're grounded! Get off!"

Les flipped Davey off. He was quick to return the gesture. Les screamed something unintelligible and hung up, and Davey slammed his laptop shut in some sort of petty defense. Davey could hear a brief screaming match through the phone followed by a door slam. His mother came back on the line.

"Is he okay?" Davey repeated, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, forget it, David. You're supposed to be his example. Instead you're teaching him to lie to me. Thanks for the help!" She sounded almost tearful.

"Look, I'm sorry, I don't know the whole situation, I was trying to get everyone's side," He said. "Do you need me to come home?"

"You know, I don't think that would be good for anyone right now," She said.

Davey opened his mouth, but he was too shocked to say anything. She muttered a half-hearted goodbye and hung up. He slowly put his phone back on the charger and slid his laptop back beneath his bed. He laid back down, pulling the covers around him like a small child. The panic over took him as he imagined a million and one worse case scenarios. Why did Les get in a fight? Was the "you should see the other guy" line actually a joke, or had Les really won the fight? If Les did, and had a broken wrist, and the other kid was worse off, what on Earth had Les done to him? Would he be expelled? Would he be in legal trouble? Did Davey's mother hate him forever and really not want him to come home at all?

He stopped himself at that one with a semi-forced laugh. His thoughts did tend to get a little... rediculous if they went on too long. Trying to focus on calming down, Davey took in a shaky, slow breath, held it, then let it out. A few repetitions helped his head clear. He was still shaking, but it wasn't so bad.

 _When was the last time I filled my prescription?_ Davey thought to himself.

Once upon a time, he'd been an exemplary patient. Medication taken consistently, appointments all scheduled months in advance, time each day set aside for what he liked to call "therapy homework." College had ruined all of that. New stressors, no time for self-care. Davey felt like he had years ago, if not worse. His hands went to his face. He was not doing well, not at all.

His phone rang again for some godforsaken reason. Davey half-groaned, half-screamed. Thank God his roommate was out.

"What?" Davey practically sobbed. He hadn't bothered looking at the name.

"Why was your little brother cryin' on my porch, why is he tellin' me not to call your parents, and what happened to his arm?" Jack said.

"Please put him on," Davey said.

"Fuck you, Davey," Les sobbed.

"Watch your mouth," Davey said reflexively.

"You said it to me!" Les wailed.

"I know, I'm sorry, okay? I was a bit nervous," Davey said. "Les, did you run away?"

"Technically I guess," Les said. His crying was fading. "Please don't call them."

"You realize if we don't, Jack is in legal trouble," Davey tried to explain. Les started crying loudly again.

"Care to explain what the hell is goin' on?" Jack said.

"I don't know, Jack. I'm halfway across the country, remember? He called me less than thirty minutes ago to tell me he got into a fight at school, then our mother figured out he was on his phone, she came in and took it then got mad at me and they were shouting and his face is bruised and- and-," Davey could feel himself starting to choke again.

"Woah, woah, alright, slow down, Mouth," Jack said. Davey took another slow shaky breath. "Listen, you got nothin' to worry about. I've got 'im here safe and sound. Givin' him a blanket and some hot chocolate as we speak. I swear."

Davey smiled slightly at the mental image of Jack draping the fluffy crimson couch blanket Davey had cried into many a time around Les and coaxing him to sip from one of the cheesy Disney mugs he had. Les catching his breath, calming down, maybe getting a milk mustache and laughing a little, Jack's goofy grin making him laugh more.

"He's safe," Davey said out loud, though it was mostly to himself.

"Cross my heart," Jack said. "You breathin' over there, Dave?"

"I'm breathing," Davey said. And he was now.

"Now, try again. Tell me what you know. This one ain't talkin'," Jack said.

"He got into a fight at school. I don't know the details, but he broke his wrist. He is apparently grounded and fighting with our parents, but decided to sneak on his phone to Skype me. Our mother busted us, and she's mad at me for teaching him to lie, or something," Davey explained.

"Hm. Well, that's a mess.... Gonna tell Uncle Jack why you're in fights?" Jack said to Les.

Davey was straining to listen. "Will you put the phone on speaker?"

"Oh, duh. Sorry, pal," Jack said. There was a brief shuffle. "There ya go."

"Les?"

"What."

"Please talk to us," Davey said.

"They won't leave me alone," Les began. "I told them to over and over and over and I told the teachers but none of them like me 'cause I'm always in trouble and I got no friends to help me neither. So I got too mad today and I..."

"It's okay, Les. I ain't gonna ground you over here. That'd ruin my place as the fun one, yeah? Tell us," Jack coaxed.

"I don't know what happened. I just blinked then I had him against the wall and my hand was all bloody and then his friend came over and pulled me up and started hitting me, too," Les said, sounding tearful again. "Then the dean came. They said my 'history' isn't helping my 'case.' I'm in a lot of trouble."

"Bullshit," Jack remarked.

"Jack!" Davey shouted.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. But he was standin' up for himself, Davey. How's that fair?" Jack said.

"That's what I said!" Les sobbed.

"Life isn't fair sometimes. That's the unfortunate reality of things. You have to go about things the right way," Davey said.

"If you were my kid--" Jack started.

"But he's not," Davey interrupted.

"That's why I said 'if.' Try to keep up," Jack shot back.

"Please don't fight here, too," Les said.

"Sorry, kid. Hey, come here. 'S alright," Jack said.

"Right, I'm sorry, Les. Listen, I know you don't want to hear this, but please don't start shouting again. It's against the law for you to be with Jack without mom and dad's consent, okay?"

"I know," Les said. "I'm sorry, Jack. I don't want you to get in trouble, too."

"It's okay, kid. We're gonna get off the phone with Davey and call them up, all right?" Jack said.

"Text me please," Davey said.

"I'll keep you posted. Don't you worry," Jack said. He chuckled. "Listen to me. 'Don't worry.' I just told you to not be Dave."

"Ha, ha. Talk to you in a bit," Davey said.

"Will do," Jack replied and hung up.

 _Jeez. I can't believe he actually ran away from home,_ Davey thought, shaking his head.

In spite of it all, Davey couldn't help but smile. Jack was so good with kids. Hell, he was so good with people in general. He always knew just what to say. Davey rolled over and hugged his pillow. He missed Jack. A lot.

Davey had almost drifted off again when his phone lit up. Frantically he grabbed it.

 **Jack**  
**  
drove him home myself. ur mom is rlly strong**

Davey laughed a little and typed out, _what do you mean?_

**Jack  
hugged me n p much choked me. shes crying alot**

_It's "a lot." "Alot" isn't a word._

**Jack  
r u fuckin serious rn**

_Sorry. Facts is facts._

**Jack**  
**UUUUH IT WOULD BE FACTS AAAAARE FACTS. IT'S A PLUUUUURAL.  
see i know things. just dgaf. u should try it**

_I have an anxiety disorder._

**Jack  
u have a nerd disorder**

_"Facts is facts" is slang. I was being ironic._

**Jack  
whatev. u sounded so exhausted on the phone it made me tired. go to sleep**

_All right. Let me know if you find anything else out?_

**Jack  
yea ill swing by there tomm sometime.**

_Thank you so much. I literally love you with my entire heart._

**Jack**  
**HHHHHH LITERALLY MEANS ACTUALLY/SINCERELY; YOU DON'T USE IT FOR EMPHASIS ON EXAGGERATED STATEMENTS. DEFINTIONSSSS. GRAMMARRR.**  
im so smart i used a semicolon  
**night davie**

_Good night, Jack_

"God, he's never going to get it," Davey mumbled to himself. He put his phone away once again and tried to calm down for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter. They get long pretty quick! Thanks for reading. Find me on tumblr @hopeful-broadwaybaby. I hope you'll drop by and say hello!
> 
> Leave a comment! Even a keyboard smash or a couple of words will make my day!
> 
> PS., I just can't get all of Jack's "texts" to bold, I have no idea why!! I'm sorry


	2. Chapter 2

Davey, unsurprisingly, didn't sleep again.

He nodded off here and there, but it hadn't been nearly enough. The reason he signed up for classes at 8:00 AM so long ago was beyond his own comprehension. Truly, he felt like an entirely different person than he'd been at the beginning of the semester.

Davey's roommate opened the door and stumbled into their cramped dorm at precisely 7:35 in the morning, looking like he'd been killed and brought back to life more than once. Davey blinked at him in utter shock. How did this kid function?

"Do you have statistics today?" He asked.

"Um. Yes," Davey said. "Do you want me to get the notes for you?"

He nodded as he collapsed into his bed. "Thanks, Danny."

Davey didn't correct him as he didn't really remember his name either. He turned back to the mirror to finish taming his hair. Once he gathered his belongings, he looked over to bid his roommate good bye. Somehow, he was already out. Davey did his best to close the door as quietly as possible on his way out.

The thought of Les and the very out-of-character, chaotic interaction with his family kept him distracted all day. He hated it, but what could he do? There was no way of contacting Les directly, and his mother had made it clear she was upset with him. The whole thing was giving him a migraine he couldn't ignore. Davey sat towards the back of all of his classes and did his best to take comprehensive notes for his poor, dysfunctional roommate. At least, Davey thought, if he ever felt bad about himself, he wasn't as bad as his roommate. He remembered at some point during the application process filling out a survey to find a roommate that "matched" him. This place must worship the concept of opposites attracting.

The commotion of several young adults pushing back chairs, talking to one another, and trying to fit out the same door startled Davey awake. Had he just slept through class?! He hadn't done that since middle school. That was it. He needed to make an appointment immeadiately.

Davey watched the off-white bricks pass beneath his feet as he walked back to his dorm with his head down for fear of making eye contact with his peers. Logically he knew no one was paying him any attention, but he couldn't shake the feeling he was being judged for skipping class. Wanting to avoid any interaction at all, Davey started to speed-walk. His pulse thumped loudly in his ears in time with his footsteps. It made him worry. The irrational notion that he had to keep walking to keep his heart beating hit him, and he ended up passing his dorm building. The feeling didn't let up. He started choking again. At this point he was almost running, inadvertently drawing the attention he so feared. The bricks on the path blurred together as he still refused to look up.

I'm going to fall, Davey thought. I'm going to fall or run into something and then everyone really will be staring.

With much effort, Davey forced himself to look up. The four or five people scattered about in his distant line of sight felt like millions, all staring directly at him. He skidded to a halt in the middle of the walkway and stopped to look around. He was on a relatively empty but entirely unfamiliar part of campus. The building numbers taunted him with the length of the trek back to his dorm. A whole new wave of panic washed over him, making him feel faint. He looked around, and though his vision was blurring, he managed to spot an unoccupied bench. Jelly legs carried him to it, and he flopped down. He gasped to catch his breath. Unplanned, sudden sprinting paired with a panic attack wasn't the kindest pair on the lungs. Davey's phone buzzed, making his heart leap. He took it out with shaking hands.

**Jack  
talked to ur mom again. can u call?**

Davey was too busy focusing on not dying to type with correct grammar.

_Cant im in public_

**Jack  
uh woah put davey on pls. who is this? I came here to see apostrophes**

_Im choking_

**Jack  
from laughter at how hilarious I am or is this an anxiety thing ?**

Davey hesitated to reply. He hated talking about it to other people; he didn't want to give the impression he was seeking sympathy. But he'd been waiting too long to respond after responding so quickly before. Jack would know something was up. Davey's heart stuttered into a racing pace for the third time. He put a hand to his chest. It was starting to hurt badly. All he'd wanted to do was move to a more secluded location to make an appointment. He didn't want to make Jack worry. He didn't want to have a heart attack on the opposite side of campus. Davey's phone continued to receive notifications while he tried to reign in the stabbing pains in his chest, but he couldn't move to look at them. A call came in and he ignored that, too. He knew they were all from Jack.

"Are you okay?" An unfamiliar voice asked, breaking Davey's concentration.

He looked up at the girl who was looking back at him like he was crazy. Davey could only picture his own appearance right now: hunched over himself, sitting alone, clutching his heart, shaking, sweating, pale, and probably looking crazed in the eyes.

"Fine, thank you," Davey choked out in a semi-even tone.

Her expression softened. "Poor guy. Can I call someone for you?"

"Uh, no. No, that won't be necessary," Davey tried to laugh, wheezing instead. He forced a shaky smile to cover it.

"Are you sure? Can I at least walk with you to your dorm or something?" She asked. "You live on campus?" Other people were looking on with concern now.

"I'm gay," Davey blurted out.

She laughed. "I'm so not hitting on you. You just look like you've tried cocaine for the first time and don't know how to react to coming down from the high."

"I am not intoxicated!" Davey said.

"I figured. You look like a history major," She said.

Davey stood up slowly. "English education."

She laughed again. "Oh, Christ. That's even better."

"I'm so confused."

"Well, now I know two things you are: gay and confused. And two things you're not: intoxicated or a history major. Are we friends enough yet for you to trust me to walk with you?"

Davey paused. On one hand it would be nice to not walk alone. On the other, he didn't want to be murdered by this complete stranger. He also really needed to make this call in private. And probably get cursed at by Jack.

"Um. No, that's... It's all right. Really. Thank you. For, erm. Asking if I was okay, I mean," Davey said.

"Of course. Come have a meltdown in my corner any time. I'm usually walking around instead of being in class anyway," She said.

That tight smile crossed Davey's face again. With that, he turned on his heel to walk back to his dorm. He wasn't completely calm, but being brought back to reality so abruptly had definitely helped somewhat. Back home, he'd always had friends to help ground him, but here he had no one. Maybe he should have taken her up on the offer. It wouldn't have killed him to make a friend. Though, he didn't want to spend time around yet another person who seemed completely okay with squandering their precious hours away, essentially paying thousands of dollars to exist in a different location than their parents.

 _Jeez, David. She was just a decent person who saw a stranger looking like he was dying. Not everyone that talks to you is trying to be your best friend. Quit over thinking it,_ Davey thought, shaking himself out of it.

Maybe he should have at least caught her name.

The texts were still coming in, and Davey knew the longer he ignored them the worse it would be. So, he took a deep breath and unlocked his phone.

**Jack**  
from laughter at how hilarious i am or is this an anxiety thing ?  
hello?????  
Davey???????????????????  
u cant respond in like one sec then fuck off for ten min  
12 min  
???????????????????????????  
ok ig youre in class  
im gonna call you anyway  
u have to at least hear me calling you  
Dave did you have a heart attack  
D A V I D J A C O B S  
theres no way youre STILL in class??  
please call me. 

Davey dragged a hand down his face. He didn't want to respond. He didn't even really want to call his doctor anymore. He wanted to go to sleep and never talk to another human ever. Nevertheless, he replied.

_I'm sorry, Jack. I was talking to someone._

**Jack**  
Grammar! its the real dave ❤️  
**so u werent having a panic attack and dying ?**

_I didn't say that._

**Jack  
call. me.**

_I can't._

**Jack  
:/**

_I need to call my doctor. I'll call you after._

Davey thought a moment.

_Can we do video? I want to see you._

**Jack  
ofc. Ill be waiting**

Davey smiled and slid his phone into his back pocket. Now he felt better, having something to look forward to. With a calmer mind he realized he wasn't nearly as lost as he'd thought. He had run in pretty much a straight line, so retracing his steps was easy. Though it took longer now that he was walking instead of running, Davey found his way to his building with no real trouble.

Unsurprisingly, his roommate was deep asleep in his bed, boxers only, limbs at ungodly angles, mouth hanging wide open and snoring. Davey couldn't help but roll his eyes. This guy had probably consumed every drug to exist at least once, most of them several times. How he afforded college and all the substances he was sleeping off was far beyond Davey's comprehension. Maybe Davey should make him an appointment, too.

Moving some socks aside, Davey pulled his prescription out of his drawer. He squinted at the empty bottle as he tried to figure out how long it had actually been. Almost a month since he'd run out, a week since his last day for refills. Davey shook his head at himself. No wonder he felt so awful. Trying not to wake his roommate, Davey moved to the bathroom to complete the call. A receptionist picked up on the third ring.

"Better Days Behavioral Center, how may I assist you?"

"Um, hello. This is, um, David Jacobs? I'd like to make an appointment," Davey said. He swallowed hard.

"J-A-C-O-, oh, there you are. It's been a while since we've seen you. Are you booking for psychotherapy or a sooner visit with your psychiatrist?"

"Er, both? The psychiatrist is more important. I missed my refill, I need a new prescription," Davey explained.

"Sure thing! The earliest I have is Thursday at 9AM. Will that work for you, or should I check for a later slot?"

"This Thursday? Um, let me check my uh, class schedule. Sorry, hold on," Davey put the call on speaker and opened his calendar app. If he left class a little early, he would make it. The class after that was a lecture, and he'd never cared about anything less in his entire life. "Yes. That's perfect."

"Okay, great! I'll put you in now. It looks like you canceled a recent appointment with your therapist and have yet to book anymore. Are you looking to see a different doctor, or is the same one okay?"

"The same one is fine. I've just, um, been busy."

"No problem. She's booked pretty far out. I won't be able to get you in until next Saturday at the earliest."

"That's completely fine. What time?" Davey felt himself relaxing. He had hopes this would make things at least semi okay again.

"I have a 11 AM or a 3:30 PM."

"Um, the 11 AM?"

"You got it! So we'll see you Thursday at 9 AM to see about that prescription."

"Uh huh. Thank you," Davey said.

"No problem! Bye now," with that, she hung up.

Davey reentered the room. His roommate was still dead to the world. Davey really didn't want to video chat with Jack while he sat in the bathroom, but he also didn't want this guy to wake up and hear his family business. He pulled out his phone to message Jack.

_Roommate is here. He's asleep, but what if he wakes up? I really want to talk but I'm not sure what to do._

**Jack  
Uggh. thats shitty. this is the druggie that sleeps all the time right??**

_That's him._

**Jack  
he prob wont wake up then??? if he does just move outside to where theres no ppl. use headphones and stuff**

_UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGh  
K_

Nervously, Davey turned his laptop on and pulled up Skype. He plugged in his earbuds and glanced at his still unconscious roommate before calling Jack. Jack answered immediately.

"Were you waiting at the computer for me to call?" Davey asked, smiling.

Jack grinned and winked instead of responding. Davey's chest hurt again, but for a different reason. He knew he missed Jack, he'd just forgotten how much.

"So," Davey cleared his throat. "Fill me in. Did you figure anything else out?"

"Yeah. Apparently Les has been bullied for a while now. The teacher is in a bit of trouble for ignorin' it. She claims she though he was 'exaggeratin'' due to his 'apparent condition.' Got a better description of the fight, too. According to some pupil witnesses, these kids were followin' Les down the hallway and kickin' his back and callin' him names. He got sick of it and turned about, grabbed the one, and slammed him into the lockers twice before he started punching him in the face. The guy's buddies peeled Les off'a him and put him to the lockers and started hittin' him back. They tried puttin' him into a locker, but in the scramble of puttin' up a fight he got his arm slammed in the door of it so hard his wrist broke. The scream is what drew the dean's attention."

Davey was shaking with anger. "This kid broke my little brother's wrist through an intentional action."

"Uh, yeah. Sounds like it. School was talkin' big game about Les's 'concernin' and disruptive behavior' or somethin' stupid like that, but Mayer shut 'em right up by talkin' legal over the hospital bills. Best it looks like we're gettin' is a truce," Jack shrugged.

"How long would I go to jail for assaulting an eleven year old?" Davey said, rubbing his temples.

"A long fuckin' time. Trust me. Just don't," Jack answered flatly.

Davey looked up. "Oh, shit. Jack, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it," Jack said with a sad smile.

Davey smiled back apologetically. "I'm an idiot."

"Then you're the smartest idiot I know," Jack said, perking back up. "I really miss you, Dave, you know that?"

"Come see me, then," Davey joked. He didn't want to cry, that would wake up his roommate for sure. He chose humor instead.

"Okay," Jack leaned forward onto his desk. "When?"

"Wh- Jack, you can't do that. Neither of us could afford that," Davey answered, surprised.

Jack waved a hand dismissively. "I could come up with it. You could help if you wanted. Say, I could bring Les."

"Where would you stay..?" Davey asked. He wanted to see them both, he really did, but it would be so expensive.

"I'm sure there's a shitty motel near your place somewhere," Jack said. "When are you free?"

It was a bad idea. Davey knew it.

"Um, I'm not really doing anything this weekend? Is that too soon?"

Jack was visibly excited. "That's perfect! You're serious, right?"

Davey cringed at himself as he spoke. "I mean... I guess I am."

"All right!" Jack shouted. "I gotta now right now and try to convince your mom this'll be good for your brother. Can I still come alone even if she says no?"

"Yeah, you can. Please do," Davey said.

"I'll be seein' you soon then," Jack hung up suddenly. 

Davey shook his head and smiled. "I love you...." He said under his breath, staring at Jack's profile picture for an unnecessary amount of time.

"Who were you talking to?" Davey's roommate spoke suddenly, startling Davey.

"Um, a friend back home," Davey explained.

The guy looked confused, but shrugged it off. "Did you get the notes?"

Davey looked down. "I'm sorry, I ended up not going to that class...."

"Damn. Whatever, I'm failing anyways," He shrugged. "No worries."

Davey apologized again before turning back to his laptop. If he was going to be a shut-in, he might as well catch up on studying. After a moment of sitting on his phone, Davey's roommate got up, gathered some clothes, and headed to the bathroom. For all the judgmental thoughts he had about the guy, Davey felt a lot of relief every time he did something that counted as taking care of himself. The last thing he wanted was to come home one day to find a overdosed corpse on his floor. He shivered at the thought and turned back to his computer, pulling up a PDF textbook and doing some reading before his next class.


	3. Chapter 3

"So good to see you again, Mr. Jacobs," Dr. Stuffy Old Guy greeted.

"I'm all right with, um. Just David," Davey said. "Davey" felt too intimate, but he hated any sort of honorifics. They made him feel old.

"Of course, David. Have a seat," Dr. Stuffy Old Guy gestured to the gray leather couch across from his desk. Davey sat. "Has there been a problem with your medication?"

"I stopped taking it?" Davey said. "I never went to refill it when I ran out last and I, uh, sort of need a new refill written out because the date passed."

Dr. Stuffy Old Guy frowned and looked to his computer. He clicked around for a few moments and made a few "hmm" sounds. He took off his glasses and looked back to Davey with an air of suspiciousness. Davey immediately felt guilty though he had no idea why.

"There's a bit of a problem here," He began. Davey felt his will to live exit the room. "Psychiatric medications are controlled substances. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until your next refill would have ran out in order for me to write you the same prescription. You are only legally allowed to access a certain amount of this substance at a time."

"OfcourseIshouldhaveknownthatI'msosorrythankyouforyourtime," Davey said in one breath and began to stand. He didn't want to be accused of abusing his medication.

"No, David. Wait," Davey froze in an awkward squat. "I believe you. Please, be seated. I think I may be able to find a loophole for you."

"Okay," Davey wheezed, crashing back down. Why was everything difficult?

"If I were to say that your symptoms have worsened, I can write you a new prescription as a higher dosage. However, since you say you haven't been taking them, you'll have to be responsible for breaking the tablets in half. I'll write it with no refills, and we can set up a visit for when you're nearly out to discuss whether you think you'd actually like to start on a higher dosage or proceed normally. How does that sound?"

Davey let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Okay. Okay, sure. Thank you."

"Looks like we currently have you on 30 milligrams of paroxetine. Does that sound right?"

"Um, yes," Davey nodded.

"Conveniently enough, the highest dosage I can prescribe for this particular drug is 60 milligrams. If you break those in half, you'll be taking what you were before."

"So that's perfect then?" Davey had meant for it to be a statement, but it came out as a question.

Dr. Stuffy Old Man (Davey had noticed the name plate on his desk said, boringly enough, Dr. Smith, but he liked his version better) sat back and tilted his head. "Not quite perfect. There are some risks involved in this I have to discuss with you. Normally, if there was a lapse in consumption of this drug, I would start the patient on a low dose again as if they hadn't taken it before. It's the sort of medication that's easier on you if you ease into it. Taking too much right away can put you at a higher risk of experiencing side effects. But since we're explaining this as a change due to an increase in symptom severity, I can get away with it. You'll need to keep a close watch on yourself, though."

Davey nodded along. "Yes, of course. I will."

"All right then, David. I'll send your new prescription to your pharmacy. You should be able to pick it up tomorrow. Contact me if any issues arise."

Dr. Stuffy Old Man didn't have to say that twice. Davey was out the door and back into his car in under a minute. He hated it in there. The therapy wasn't so bad, but every other human he interacted with was a copy of what he would expect to see in a mental health office in a crappy movie. Davey sat in his car for a minute, trying to catch his breath. He stared through his windshield at the yellow and white "Better Days Behavioral Center" sign, cartoon sun smiling down at him. It made him feel even more ridiculous for going there. The whole exterior looked like it belonged to a daycare, not a building that contained several depressed, panicking, or otherwise disturbed adults. A knock came to Davey's window, pulling him from his thoughts and causing him to scream.

That girl from school was standing on the other side of the glass, trying not to laugh at him. Davey felt his face grow hot as he rolled down the window a crack.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" She said, correcting herself when Davey looked like she'd slapped him. "Hey, relax. I'm teasing you. I go here, too. The design is fucking awful, isn't it?"

Davey wanted to roll his window up and drive away, but he decided to just talk to someone for once in his life. "Definitely. Makes me feel eight years old."

"Ha! Younger even," She agreed. "Hey, could I catch a ride back to the school? I'm waiting on my father, but he's doing things that are more important than caring about his child."

 _Abort mission. Abort mission,_ Davey's brain chanted. Yes, he was nearly 20 years old, but "stranger danger" was still ingrained in him.

"Look, even if I was going to try to murder you, you could totally take me. I'm very weak," She said, holding up her hands submissively.

Davey inspected her. She was wearing tight fitting clothes and had no bag. Surely she didn't have a gun or something crazy hidden on her. Why stop at talking to other humans? Why not throw all caution to the wind and go places with them?

"Sure. Get in," He said. His voice came out a little higher than usual. The girl snickered and walked around the front of his car to get in.

"Thanks. I'm Katherine by the way. And you are? Other than gay and confused."

"David. Call me Davey," He smiled at her. She seemed genuine and nonthreatening, so his worry was fading. He started the car and backed out of the lot.

"Well, Davey, the gay, confused English education major who is offended that one would imply he likes drugs or history-"

"I actually do quite enjoy history, it's just not my-"

"Davey, please, I was trying to be hilarious. Are you always like this? Wait for your line," Katherine shook her head.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry," Davey said, grinning.

"Ahem! Davey, the gay, confused English education major who is offended that one would imply he likes drugs, though he does quite enjoy history, I thank you for giving me this ride as I hate both my father and waiting for anything for more than a maximum of ten minutes. As a repayment, I'd really like to get you some lunch or something," Katherine finished.

"Are you sure you're not hitting on me?" Davey looked at her from the corner of his eye.

"I'm very sure. You really think you're hot, don't you?"

Davey laughed, relieved. "Not really. I just don't understand women. I also fear them."

"Again, I'm physically quite weak."

"So am I. That would be the lamest fight ever," Davey said.

"But no, I'm not hitting on you. I'm just bored and have absolutely no friends," Katherine continued.

"Me neither. Well, not here anyway," Davey replied, thinking of Jack.

Katherine directed Davey to a cafe one road over from their school. When they arrived, she literally, physically slapped his hand when he opened his center console to grab his wallet. When he stared at her in absolute shock, she nonchalantly told him she had already said she was paying. She proceeded to exit the vehicle and walk into the cafe while Davey gaped at her. She was an interesting person, that was certain. But that just made their conversation all the more entertaining. She made him laugh too many times to count throughout the course of their meal. They talked about where they were from, why they went to Better Days, and what they were at school for. Though she swore so much Davey could feel his mother fainting, she was a truly pleasant person to be around. Davey learned she hadn't picked a major because she was being forced into college against her will by a father that could afford to be that awful, and that she'd had some run-ins with self destructive behaviors, which had landed her in Better Days. Though they had just met yesterday, Davey found himself rambling about how passionate he was about education and talking somewhat freely about his anxiety.

"Shit," Katherine muttered, cutting Davey off and looking at her ringing phone.

"Who is it?" Davey asked.

She held up a finger and answered. "Thank God you called! I've been kidnapped! Come rescue me!" Pause. "Relax, would you? I got a ride from a friend." Pause. "Yes, a friend. Shocking, I know." Pause. "I figured I'd have plenty of time to let you know." Pause. "Well, I don't fucking want to get a licence."

Davey stared at his own phone as if he had any notifications to check. He was extremely uncomfortable and didn't know where else to look. Thankfully, after a few more aggressive sentences and tense pauses, Katherine hung up.

"Everything all right?" Davey asked, slowly looking up.

Katherine shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, it's just my father. Nothing unusual. I kinda need to head back, though. Sorry to put a damper on our 'date.' It's going to be so hard to stop hitting on you constantly." She winked at him.

Davey smiled a bit. He hadn't hung out with anyone since he'd moved. The only thing he'd done for weeks was go to class and panic in his dorm and Skype his little brother or high school crush he couldn't get over. This was a nice alternative.

"Let's go then," Davey said.

The two of them stood, and Davey noted Katherine left a decent tip for the waiter. That made him smile even more. He sent up a silent prayer that this wasn't a one-time pity thing, that she would actually want to be his friend. His heart leaped for joy when she confirmed his hope by asking for his social media. They added each other on a few apps and said their goodbyes. Davey headed back to his dorm feeling much lighter. Then, he opened the door and heard his roommate vomiting in the bathroom.

 _At least he's nice,_ Davey thought with a sigh.

Davey hopped on his computer to get started on an essay he'd meant to start when he got home before Katherine had sidetracked him. He didn't mind; he was a fast writer and not coming straight back had been a nice change. As he began typing, his roommate came out of the bathroom and slowly walked back over to his bed. He laid back down and was snoring within seconds. Davey had to put headphones in so he could concentrate. Save from the near-meltdown at the doctor, it had been a good morning. His medication was sorted out, he'd made a friend, and he was here writing to some pleasant music about a subject he truly enjoyed. The muscles in his shoulders started to relax, and Davey smiled a small, content smile.

Less than an hour into working, Davey's phone buzzed. He liked to work in thirty minute blocks, so he figured he could look since he was overdue for a break. Body still relaxed, Davey picked up his phone to see the notification. Everything came crashing back down onto him.

**Dad**  
_David. I need you to call me as soon as possible. We need to have a serious discussion._

Davey removed his headphones, carefully closed his laptop, and carried his phone out of the room. He looked both ways down the hall. It was too quiet. On the off chance students were here, he would be heard for sure. He walked outside of his building and sat on the nearest bench. He took in a breath, held it, then released it slowly before tapping the call button.

"Hello?" Davey's father answered very quickly.

"Hey, dad. How's things?" Davey said stifly.

"Fine, fine. We need to talk about Les, son," He said, not wasting any time.

"Yeah," Davey said. "I know. Jack filled me in on what you shared with him. Mom still upset with me?"

"You know how she gets. She's waiting for you to make the first move. You should talk to her," He replied. "But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this road trip with Jack."

"Oh! I almost forgot about that," Davey perked up. "What do you think?"

"David... I understand that you are... homosexual. I don't want you to take any offense to this, but..." He didn't have to finish.

"Are you... Are you saying you don't trust Jack with Les because he likes men?" Davey was absolutely shocked. Sure, his father was a sort of passive homophobe, but did he think all gay people were pedophiles or something? This was news to him.

"Listen, David, I didn't say that now. I just can't wrap my mind around all this bisexual talk. He seems very confused," He tried to continue, but Davey cut him off.

"No, dad. Jack is bi. He knows that for certain. You're the one who's confused."

"Well anyway, I just can't let my young son go off with him. It's all very confusing, and he's been in and out of jail for hurting people--"

"Third degree battery during a protest doesn't make him a fucking pedophile, dad. What is wrong with you?" Davey was shaking. "Do you think I touch kids?"

"I did not say--"

"You didn't have to," Davey growled.

"Well, all of that aside, David, he is a criminal. 'Third degree' or not, the courts decided whatever happened warranted six months. And he'd been in trouble before then, too, ever since you two were boys. If you want to continue to associate with him, I can't stop you. You're an adult now. But you're not bringing your brother into it. I'm sorry, but he's already got enough on his plate with this school business."

"Fine. Whatever. So Les won't come," Davey leaned forward, head in his free hand. "Can I at least talk to him, please?"

There was a pause, then a sigh. "All right. I'll get him."

Davey heard the phone hit a counter or table and the sounds of his father walking away. His eyes began to water. School life was hard enough. Now his family life was falling apart, too. He didn't know what to do.

"Davey!" Les's small voice shouted suddenly.

"Les!" Davey sat up, smiling. "How are you?"

"I'm so bored! I got suspended for ten days, Davey. Ten! And I'm not allowed to go anywhere!"

"Well, think of that before you hit other kids next time," Davey chided. "How's your arm?"

"It doesn't hurt any more, just numb and itchy. I wish you were here to sign my cast. Your handwriting is so fancy!" Les sounded like he was running around while talking.

Davey laughed. "I'll be there in a few weeks."

"Winter break for schools isn't for a long time though," Les whined. The sounds of running feet changed to what sounded like jumping in place.

"Can you keep a secret?" Davey said.

"Yeah! What is it?!" Les whisper-shouted.

"I want to surprise mom and dad. I got some of my work ahead of time, so I'll be coming home a bit before winter break," Davey couldn't stop smiling now, waiting for Les's gears to turn.

"Does that mean you're gonna be home for Hanukkah?!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Davey slapped his hand to his face. "Les!"

"Sorry!" Les whisper-shouted again.

Davey shook his head, chuckling. "It might be a bit late for that. Put dad back on the phone for me?"

"Aww, okay. Bye, Davey," He said sadly. "Love you."

"Love you, too, Les," Davey said. The phone hit the surface it was on again.

"You're coming home for Hanukkah?" Davey's father was back on the line.

"I was going to, yes," Davey said flatly. He wasn't quick to forget.

"That's great, son. I can't wait to see you."

"Uh huh."

"I'll let you go. I'm sure you're busy."

"Yep."

"Bye now."

Davey didn't say goodbye back, only hit "end call." The older he got, the more his parents seemed to hate him. Les sounded a lot happier than Davey had expected him to. Then again, he had been bored out of his mind, and Davey was probably the first person besides their parents that Les had spoken to since he'd run off to Jack three days ago. Davey laughed humorlessly at the image of the heart attack Jack and Les at the door must of given his father.

While he was thinking about Jack, Davey decided to text him and see what was up with this visit situation.

_Got off the phone with my father. Guess it was a no go for Les. Are you still coming?_

Davey tucked his phone back into his pocket and went back to his dorm. As he was letting himself in, a reply came.

**yea im trying. plane tickets r ridiculous so im just gonna drive lol**

Davey frowned at that.

_Wouldn't that be a 24 hour drive?_

**26 lol. its fine**

Davey shook his head as he moved to sit at the desk he shared with his roommate. Jack was insane.

_Are you sure? That's a lot for one person._

**yea ive been mapping it out already i got it. gonna sleep in car at some fuckin walmart parking lot bc hotels r expensive.  
prob will leave tonight i was actually packing when u texted me**

The logical side of Davey wanted to discourage Jack from making this outrageous trip. His heart, however, physically needed to see him right now.

_When do you think you'll arrive? I just want to be prepared._

**uhh idk? ill leave around 8 probably and i gotta sleep and stuff once i wear out  
how many hours behind me r u?**

_Two I'm pretty sure. ****_

**So itll be 6 to u, plus a day, plus like 10 probably  
davie how does math work **

Davey snickered. He thought about it for a moment, then replied. 

_4 AM Sunday morning._

**Fuck seriously??**  
That's too late I want more time with u  
What time is it there right now 

_It's 1 PM_

**ok what's 1 PM plus 34 hrs**

_Jack you can't leave right this second!_

**cant text and drive, gtg, see u asap❤️**

Davey put his face on the desk. He tried to be mad, but he was smiling too much. 

_11PM on Saturday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh!! Physical Javid interactions in the next chapter? I guess you'll see on Thursday!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple warnings: This chapter has some mild briefly touched sexual content. It's very clearly blocked apart from other scenes, so it's easy to skip if you're uncomfy! However, it is talked about a bit both before and after it actually occurs. Also, Kath makes a Nazi joke. Thank you!

Jack got there at 9.

Davey was in the shower when his roommate knocked on the door, calling out that his phone kept ringing.

"Thank you, sorry! I'll be out in a minute. You can silence it if it's bugging you!"

He finished rinsing his hair out and got dressed. He entered the room and went to pick his phone up off the shelf. Jack had called him four times. Davey rushed outside as he called him back.

"Dave! What the hell!" Jack said.

"Sorry! I was showering. Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm here, moron. Come to the visitation place thingy," Jack laughed.

Davey hung up and began sprinting across campus. It was chilly and his hair was wet, but all he cared about was squeezing Jack and putting his face in Jack's neck and touching Jack and looking at Jack's face and just Jack as a general concept.

Without a word to the man behind the desk, Davey threw himself into Jack's side, almost barreling him over. Jack shouted in shock before laughing and turning to hug Davey back. Davey's knees almost gave out as he melted at the feeling of Jack's arms around him. He felt like he was drooling.

"Were you cleanin' up for me, Dave?" Jack said, pulling back to look Davey in the face.

Davey felt his neck grow warm as he remembered his soaking hair. "I wasn't expecting you so early."

Jack shrugged. "Couldn't stay asleep for too long when I stopped. I just wanted to get here."

Davey grinned like an idiot and hugged Jack tightly again. He smelled so good.

"You wanna get out of here?" Jack said, patting Davey on the back.

Davey let him go and stepped back. "Sure, yeah. I'm sorry, I just... Missed you a lot. I've been so lonely."

"Not makin' friends?" Jack asked as the two of them headed to the exit.

Davey shrugged. "I kind of made one the other day, but that's literally it. No joke."

"Aw, Dave. Why not?" Jack asked.

He opened Davey's door for him as they got into the car. Davey was swooning again already.

"Uh. Just been too busy I guess," Davey managed to say.

Jack hummed in reply and walked around to his side of the car. He started it up and then drove away from the school.

Davey just stared at him as they drove, Jack talking about what he'd been up to. It had only been a couple of months since they had seen each other face to face, but to Davey it had felt like an eternity. Jack drove them around the city, looking for some place that was open. Davey, being such a shut in, was quite unhelpful. Eventually they gave up and settled for fast food.

"Is it okay if I sit beside you?" Davey asked timidly when Jack chose a booth.

Jack grinned that horrible grin that made Davey lose a minimum of 40 IQ points. "Tryin' to get nice and close to me, huh?"

Davey awkwardly sat across from him. "I'm sorry it's just that I missed you a lot and want to be near you but I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything sorry I'll just sit here-"

"Slow down, there. I didn't say none of that," Jack stood and moved to sit beside Davey, casually slinging an arm behind them. "See? There we go."

Now Davey was trapped between a wall and Jack. And they were very close. And Davey could still smell him. Davey's pulse quickened, and he was pretty sure it wasn't a panic attack. Jack was looking over Davey's shoulder out the window, sipping his soda absent-mindedly. Davey's eyes flicked down to Jack's lips. He regretted it instantly as he found himself unable to look away. Jack set his cup down, and Davey painfully dragged his eyes back up to Jack's. Jack was giving him a knowing smile.

"Cat gotcha tongue, Dave? Tell me what you've been up to," Jack leaned towards him just enough to drive Davey even crazier.

An employee called out their order number, causing Jack to get up and break Davey's train of thought. Davey was extremely grateful, because if the next words out of his mouth had come out as anything besides some variant of "I want to fuck you right here in this booth," it would have been a miracle. He tried to catch his breath, turning his attention to the geometric patterns on the table.

Jack returned with their tray of food. "What were you gonna say?"

Davey looked up and smiled as if everything was normal. "Just that I haven't been doing anything, really."

"Still goin' to therapy out here, though, right?" Jack asked through a mouthful of fries.

"Actually... I really haven't been doing too well," Davey admitted.

Jack frowned and swallowed. "You gotta take care of yourself though."

"It's been hard, Jack. I'm incredibly lonely. Les is getting worse and every time I talk to my parents they sound angrier and more tired," Davey moved to lean his head on Jack's shoulder. "I just sit in my dorm watching my disaster roommate slowly kill himself and think about you, really."

Jack moved his arm around Davey's shoulders. "You at least keepin' up with your meds?"

Davey shook his head and snuggled closer to Jack. He reached for a fry from the tray.

"You worry me," Jack said with a sigh.

"Where are you going to sleep tonight? I can't keep you in my dorm," Davey said to change the subject.

"Probably just my car again," Jack said with a shrug.

"Can I stay with you?" Davey asked.

Jack grinned again. "Only place you can park overnight for free is a Walmart, Davey. That's not a very secluded location."

Davey sputtered and pulled back, hitting Jack in the chest. Jack laughed and clutched the spot he'd been struck in. A very flustered Davey turned away and looked at his phone. He had a snap from Katherine.

Curiously, Davey opened it. It was a creepshot of him walking with Jack with the caption, "you have a man????? he's hot!!!"

Davey smiled and turned back to Jack. "Hey, can we get a picture?"

Jack tilted his head. "Forgave me pretty quick there. Sure."

Davey scooted into Jack's side again, and Jack put his arm around Davey. Jack took the phone to take the picture. When he handed the phone back to Davey, Davey tapped and typed out, "not technically my man. Complicated. But yes, I agree." He smiled at the picture for a moment, saved it, then sent it.

"Who's 'Kath?'" Jack asked as he went for the fries again.

"Katherine. My one friend that I made the other day like I was telling you," Davey explained.

"How'd you meet? Group project or somethin'?"

"I was having a panic attack in public and she came up to me and tried to help me. I kind of ran away, as you do," Davey said.

"If you ran away how'd you guys become friends?" Jack asked.

"Fate. We go to the same behavioral center," Davey explained. "We were leaving our appointments at the same time one day and ended up hanging out. You'd like her. She's... Bold."

Jack laughed. "Bold, huh? What's that mean?"

Davey thought a moment. "I don't know. You'd have to meet her. Hey, maybe you can. How long are you staying?"

"As long as you'll have me," Jack said, his tone dropping.

"I guess you're moving here, then," Davey tried to sound casual.

When Jack continued looking at him without replying, Davey grew nervous. He pretended nothing was bothering him, drinking his soda and looking at his phone nonchalantly. In truth however, he very much felt Jack's unbreaking stare. It seemed like he was trying to figure something out, and Davey was afraid to interrupt that.

"You know somethin', Davey?" Jack said, making Davey jump at the sudden breaking of the quiet. "I've really missed you."

"I know, Jack. I've missed you, too," Davey answered without looking up.

"No, Davey. Not like that," Jack's hand was suddenly on Davey's thigh under the table. "I've missed _you."_

Davey whipped his head up to look Jack in the eye. That intense look he recognized from previous experiences was in place. It only ever meant one thing.

_Don't do it,_ Davey's rational mind screamed. _He's going to be gone before you know it and you're going to be on your own all over, counting the days until he has you again. It's going to get harder every single time. Don't do it. Don't do it._

Davey placed his hands over Jack's and inched it a little higher. "'I missed you, too' still stands."

\--

Though he'd been punched in the ribs repeatedly by Jack's stupid gear shift, Davey felt like a champion. He wiped his mouth and stared up at Jack who was still panting and recovering. In the blink of an eye Jack had him pinned against the opposite window by his neck. All rationality was gone. No tomorrow existed. The only thing Davey knew was Jack's hot breaths on his face and neck and the frustration that came with trying to undo his belt in such a restricted place.

-

When Davey woke up, every bone and muscle in his body hurt. He peeled his cheek away from the leather seat, hissing in pain. It smelled like sweat and something else equally unpleasant that Davey couldn't place. He sat up slowly, barely resisting the urge to cry out in pain as his back popped. He popped his neck, too, groaning quietly. Jack lay in the driver's seat still asleep in what looked to be the most uncomfortable position Davey could imagine. Davey smiled softly and took the moment to stare. Even in the cramped conditions, Jack looked so peaceful. One would have to be able to adapt and find comfort anywhere living the life Jack had lived, Davey supposed.

Struck with the need to know what time it was, Davey searched for his phone. He found it, and of course it was dead. Jack had a car charger, but Davey would need the keys for that. He leaned over Jack's sleeping body to rummage around for Jack's pants on the driver's side floorboard. He wasn't subtle enough, apparently, as his movements woke Jack.

"Tryin' to pull another one on me in my sleep? Davey, you little devil," Jack slurred in his half awake voice.

Davey sat up, Jack's pants in hand. "You wish. I need your keys."

Jack looked disappointed. "Ah. For what?"

"Phone," Davey said. He found the keys and leaned back over to stick them in the ignition and flipped on the battery.

Before Davey could pull away, Jack caught him by the back of the neck to kiss him. It only lasted a moment before Davey reeled back with a gasp.

"That's what it is!" He shouted.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Your breath," Davey laughed. "That is ridiculous."

Jack turned away and muttered, "Fuck you."

"Okay," Davey said. "Not in here, though."

"Have you ever come up with an original joke in your life?" Jack said. He fished a pack of gum out of his door compartment and put a piece in his mouth. "You're like a seventh grader."

"Ha. If I'm a seventh grader, what the hell does that mean about you?" Davey said.

Instant regret.

"Never been accused of that before this week. Now it's happened twice," Jack said, looking at his hands.

Davey's phone lit up, charged enough to receive notifications, but he ignored it.

"Jack I'm sorry... I completely forgot about that," Davey said. "Did he really say that stuff directly to you?"

Jack looked over at him with a pitifully sad smile and nodded. Davey closed his eyes and shook his head. That was embarrassing.

"I know I ain't the greatest person in the world, but I would never hurt no kid. That cut kinda deep. Especially because-" Jack didn't exactly trail off, he more stopped suddenly as if he was catching himself.

Davey didn't know what to say. He hadn't imagined they'd wake up like this. Jack had that look in his eyes, the one that said he'd be out of touch for the next couple of minutes. Davey knew it was best to leave him alone during this, so he decided to check his phone. Unsurprisingly, the only notification he had was from Katherine, a reply from last night and one from a few minutes ago. He opened the one from last night. It was a picture that only showed half of Katherine's face with the caption, "you two sure look like a couple." Davey snorted. Anyone who could see knew that. He opened the next one, which was a similar image with the caption "where'd you go? are you fucking him rn?" Davey held up his phone to take a picture through Jack's windshield then captioned it, "As close as I could get. Being in a car made that difficult." Katherine opened it almost immediately and switched to chat to reply.

**Kath**

**congrats to you!!**

_Me_

_Definitely not the first time haha._

**Kath**

**Really? You're such a virgin though.**

_Me_

_Thanks. But yes, really. Only ever with Jack, though._

**Kath**

**Hm. Well as your bona fide only friend, I want to hear the whole story later. But for now I want to meet him.**

_Me_

_He's kind of in the dumps right now, but let me ask._

Davey set his phone down and looked over to Jack. Jack had put his seat upright and was leaning against the steering wheel, head down in his arms. Carefully, Davey reached out to touch his arm. Luckily Jack didn't jump.

"Hey, Jack?" Davey said softly.

Jack grunted in reply.

"Would you like to go hang out with my new friend? She's asking to meet you," Davey said.

Jack turned to look at him. "Yeah, sure. And do what?"

Davey shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't done anything since I moved here so I don't know what's around."

"I don't have a lot of cash," Jack said.

"Me neither. Let me ask her," Davey agreed.

After a brief exchange with Katherine, they agreed to meet up at her home. Davey was surprised at that. He'd assumed she lived on campus. She quite rudely informed him that her various-expletives-here of a father was rich to an unhealthy degree.

"I figured it out. Why I think you'll love this girl," Davey said.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Jack said as he started the car.

"She's as verbose as me and as vulgar as you," Davey said.

Jack laughed. "That sounds terrible. I can't wait."

They pulled out of the park they'd slept at as Davey put the address Katherine had provided him with into the GPS. The whole drive there, Jack was making Davey laugh by mocking the accent of the GPS direction narrator. Tears from the laughter were still streaming down his face as Jack punched the gate code in and pulled into the small collection of blue and white condos.

"Ugh," Jack said, shivering. "I can feel the rich white people staring through their unicorn hair curtains. Let's get outta here before they call the cops on me for existing."

Davey tried to laugh, but in reality he felt uneasy, too. Jack's tan, tattooed arm was most likely visible through the patchy tenting on the window of his awful car. They might as well stick Davey on the roof with a megaphone to shout, "we're not from here" at the top of his lungs.

"Do you smell Christians?" Davey joked nervously.

Jack clutched his chest. "Davey, you can't say that word with jizz breath!"

Davey covered his mouth. "Wait, are you serious? Give me your gum."

"My what?"

"Jack! I'm serious," Davey whined.

Finally, the GPS stated they had arrived. Jack handed Davey the pack of off brand mint gum which he took gratefully. As Davey reached for the handle to get out, Jack gasped and grabbed his shoulder.

"Wait! Look!" He said.

Davey started hyperventilating. "What? What? What?!"

Jack pointed up through Davey's window. Davey tried following his point and saw a wooden cross decoration hanging in one of the windows.

"We were right!" Jack announced.

"You scared the shit out of me for that?!" Davey shoved Jack's hand away and marched up to Katherine's door.

Jack caught up, laughing. "I wasn't trying to scare you. I do love when you swear, though."

Davey ignored him and rung Katherine's bell. They heard a door inside open and the sound of someone approaching the front door, humming a song quietly. Katherine opened the door, clad in a long tee shirt and Davey assumed not much else. He cut a glance to Jack and confirmed his suspicions. He was gawking.

"Hey, Davey. And Davey's not-boyfriend. I never heard your name?" She greeted.

"Jack. Katherine?" Jack said, giving her his awful grin and a once-over.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah. The pleasure is all mine. Why don't you guys get the hell in here? My neighbor the fucking Nazi is probably staring."

"Oh, yikes," Jack said, cringing and covering his mouth with a fist.

Katherine looked between Jack and Davey in confusion. "What?"

Davey ducked his head and walked inside. Jack followed, continuing to cringe and make annoying vocalizations. Davey glared at him. Katherine closed the door and walked past them to the kitchen, thankfully dropping the awkward exchange.

"You guys want a drink? I've got three different kinds of disgusting organic juice and some name brand canned sodas," She smiled. "Or tap water. With an overpriced filter! Only the essentials of course."

Jack was staring at her like he was in love. "Only thing better than someone who relates to my struggles and hates rich people is rich people that hate rich people."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "I guess I should be grateful. And I am, I just feel like if I had less money I would be in a dorm like a normal kid, not sharing a building with that guy," Katherine explained, gesturing towards the ceiling.

"The Nazi?" Davey asked with a humorless smile. Jack cringed again.

"That's the one," Katherine said, oblivious.

"Hilarious," Davey said. "So. Tell me more about these supposed disgusting juices. What are my options?"

The three of them ended up settling on Katherine's screened in back porch, Katherine and Jack with iced water and Davey with cranberry juice. Davey sat sort of quietly while Katherine and Jack bantered, partially from anxiety over this neighbor and partially out of jealousy. Jack was definitely trying to flirt with her, and while she didn't seem all too interested Davey wished Jack would have the decency to tone it down in front of him.

Davey chuckled. Jack. Decency. Right.

Jack must have mistaken Davey's quiet, sarcastic laugh as him brewing on the thoughtless comment earlier. He reached over and touched Davey's neck and smiled at him sympathetically. Davey smiled back, trying to look grateful instead of hurt. It must have worked because Jack turned away, leaving the hairs on Davey's neck standing in the ghost of Jack's touch.

"Okay. I lied about the stock of my kitchen. I didn't want to share, but I've changed my mind. Who wants to get drunk and play board games?" Katherine said as she stood.

Davey was grateful to have an excuse to go back inside, so he stood quickly to join her. Jack was quick to follow.

They tried using everything in Katherine's fridge as a mixer, but it was all equally awful. By the time they'd gone through taste testing they were just drunk enough to not care about drinking straight. Davey was finally able to relax. So Jack was a flirt and ignorant people said stupid things. Life wasn't that serious. Who was he, day drunk in a near stranger's house, to take it so?

Jack flipped the board after losing several consecutive rounds of "sorry!," scattering pieces over a screaming and laughing Davey and Katherine. This turned into a pawn war, which slowly lead to three grown adults trashing Katherine's condo chasing each other like kids. Eventually, tired and drunk, they called a truce and settled for watching a movie. Even in a drunken state Davey made sure he wedged himself between Jack and Katherine. It was the warmest, coziest option anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment and swing by my tumblr !


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am. SO sorry. My life is really something right now, so writing will probably slow down to updates once a week if I can. I hope you'll forgive me! Hey, this chapter is super long to make up for the wait!!

Davey rushed to the visitation center to meet Jack after his classes on Monday. It was the final day before Jack would return home, and Davey didn't want to waste a second. They made their way to Jack's car slowly, neither of them really wanting him to leave. When they reached it, they stood by the passenger side door and made forced conversation to avoid getting in. Jack cracked first, pulling Davey to his chest in a tight hug.

"I miss you already," Jack mumbled against Davey's shoulder.

"Then don't go," Davey said. "Stay with me."

"Dave... I gotta," Jack sighed.

Davey started kissing up Jack's neck. "Let me at least give you something for the road?"

Jack groaned. "I'm a weak man. Don't use that to get more time with me."

"I would do anything to get more time with you," Davey said, dropping his head in defeat.

"Why don't we go for a walk? Then I really do gotta get drivin'," Jack offered.

Davey pulled back and smiled at him. "Sure."

The sun was setting as the two began to walk along the sidewalk around the block of Davey's campus. Davey wanted to reach out for Jack's hand, but he knew that would cross too much into romance for Jack's comfort. He settled instead for clasping and unclasping his own hands together, a nervous gesture he normally found himself doing when speaking publicly.

"I'm in trouble, Davey," Jack stated.

"What do you mean?"

Jack took a moment to reply. "It ain't no secret that I can't get a day job. Everywhere background checks," Jack explained as he put his hands into his pockets. "Commissions ain't sellin' lately and walkin' dogs don't cover everything. I'm gonna get evicted here soon. Lights have already been out for a minute."

Davey continued looking at the ground. He had no help to offer. He was a broke college student that still depended on his parents.

"I'm probably just gonna be stayin' in my car. No use gettin' a new place when I'm gonna have to put every dollar to just eatin'," Jack continued. He sounded sad and broken.

"Why did you come all the way out here, then? The gas..." Davey said quietly.

"Because I wanted to see you. Because I missed you," Jack said.

Davey stopped walking, suddenly irritated. "You want and miss me enough to risk your extremely limited finances by driving halfway across America but you still can't say you love me?"

Jack stopped but didn't turn. "Oh come on. Where did that come from? We've gone over that a thousand times."

"And we can go over it a thousand more until you give me a real explanation!" Davey shouted. "You could actually starve right now and you risked that to come see me. That isn't love, Jack? You're trying to tell me you just wanted to put your dick in my mouth that badly? I call bullshit. You could have anyone you wanted back in New York. There's more to this."

"Of course there is more! There's always been more. That's not the point!"

"Then what is?! I must have forgotten!" Davey shouted.

"Because I'm not like you. Because I'm awful and I'm goin' nowhere fast. Because you've got a future and I'm not gonna let myself keep you from it. You forgot all of that, did you?" Jack said.

"Do you not hear yourself? Why won't you look at me?" Davey grabbed Jack's arm and pulled on it to get him to turn to him.

Jack did turn. He whirled around quickly and grabbed Davey by the shoulders hard enough to hurt, pulling Davey towards his face. "How many times are we gonna have this exact fuckin' fight? How many times are you gonna make me say it? Do you get some kind of sick pleasure out of it? Huh? You like hearin' me tell you how terrible I am? How many times are you gonna make me fuckin' say it, Davey? How many times?!"

"As many as it takes for you to hear how stupid you sound!" Davey shouted back. He was beginning to cry from the panic and over-stimulation of the volume, but his anger and pain overpowered it.

"This it, Davey? This what you want? Want to have screamin' matches in public? Want someone whose first impulse is to put his hands on you? That's what you're askin' for! I don't even know where my next meal's comin' from and you expect me to be stable enough for someone like you?" Jack was spitting. "How and why?!"

"Because I love you! I'm not perfect either," Davey sobbed. "And for the record if you're so bent on counting mistakes, I put my hands on you first! There is no 'stability' here! I'm a mess. I'm falling apart. I hardly take care of myself. It's worse every single day! But I don't care. I just want you, Jack. That's it. It's that fucking simple!"

"It can't be that simple," Jack roared, shaking him a little.

"Let me go," Davey barely choked out, fully crying now.

"I'm fuckin' tryin', Davey," Jack dropped his hands to his sides and clenched his fist.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Davey said through tears.

Jack took a few steps back and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. Davey leaned forward a bit with his arms wrapped tightly around himself as he choked and cried. For a minute he'd thought Jack was actually going to hurt him. What was scarier was Davey knew he wouldn't have done anything to stop it.

"Fine. Fine, Davey. I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for years," Jack said. "Is that what you want?"

Davey threw his hands up in the air. "Yes?! That's exactly what I want! Why are you saying it like it's so hard to understand?!"

"Because it is. Why do you want that? Why do you want that from _me?"_ Jack shook his head.

"What, you want a exhaustive list of reasons why I love you?" Davey asked.

"If you can give me a single one that I can't immediately dismiss, I'll be thoroughly impressed," Jack crossed his arms.

That made it harder. Jack was very good at hating himself. Davey closed his eyes and thought hard. There were so many good things about Jack, there had to be at least one he couldn't deny.

"Les," Davey said, opening his eyes again.

"What?"

"Les. The way you handle Les," Davey said. "It's sad, but I never know what to say to him, I... my kid brother who's nine years younger than me has honestly been one of my only friends in life, and I can't even talk to him. I guess no one really knows what to say to him, so I shouldn't feel bad, but I do. But you always know what to say to him. You get through to him, Jack. He understands the way you say things. He won't hear anyone else."

Jack hesitated to respond.

"You move people. You understand them, and you make them understand you. I can't... I can't even order a coffee, Jack. You have a super power."

Jack exhaled slowly. "Davey..."

"And. And I love watching you create things. Even if people don't buy them they're still good. They're brilliant. Everything you make and say and do is brilliant. You're brilliant."

"God, you're so easy," Jack said coldly.

"...What?"

"What, you want me because you've got some cheesy fantasy about the sensitive artist? That's all you got? I thought you were better than that."

Davey felt like Jack had punched him in the stomach. "Jack..."

"Well, here's a fuckin' newsflash for ya. There's a million and one guys out there with the same narrative. I'm sure most of 'em is empathetic, too. Which is by the way a pretty basic thing in a relationship. So why don't you go find one of 'em that hasn't never pummeled a stranger near to death with his bare hands, huh? All you need in a man is sadness and basic human empathy? That is fuckin' _pathetic_ if that's all you got. Go outside for once. When's the last time you talked to anyone besides me or the ten year old? Jesus Christ, David," Jack said.

"Les is eleven," Davey whispered, eyes watering again. 

"Oh, my bad," Jack shook his head as he turned around and began walking down the street the way they'd come. "I'm goin'. I don't know when I'll be seein' you again."

Davey was flat out suffocating. He wanted to break. He wanted to sit down on the sidewalk and just sob. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. But he had no one to come pick him up anymore. He was all grown up with no where to go.

So, he blindly stumbled back to his school to a dorm with no one waiting for him in it and no one to call when he got there.

-

Davey floated through the next two days without feeling them. He woke up, went to class, came to his dorm, and went to sleep. No one in his family was currently speaking to him, and he was actively ignoring Katherine. He knew a mental breakdown and an emotional block off was probably a bad impression so early on in a friendship. He knew she'd grow bored of that and stop seeking him out. He couldn't bring himself to care.

 _"She's waiting for you to make the first move. You should talk to her."_ Davey spent a good amount of time rolling those words of his father's over in his mind. It had been over a week since the brief fight with his mother. That had to have been long enough.

Wednesday evening, when Davey's roommate had left for his near-nightly suicide attempt by overdose, Davey sat at the desk staring at his phone. He felt ridiculous. Normal people didn't have to psyche themselves up to make phone calls to their mothers.

"Hello? David?" She answered in the nick of time before it went to voicemail, sounding frantic.

"Hey, mom," Davey said. The sound of a familiar voice started to clear his head instantly.

"I'm so glad you're calling. I've been so worried about you," She said. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Lonely," Davey answered honestly. "And scared."

"Scared? About what?" She asked. Davey was relieved she sounded interested and not angry.

"Les. And myself," Davey said.

"Les is going to be fine, honey. He goes back to school next Tuesday then winter break is just a few weeks away," She assured him. "The school seems convinced something is wrong with him, and they want us to meet with the school psychologist when his suspension is up."

"That's good. Maybe he can get some help," Davey said.

"I know. Your father just worries. Everyone is so tense," She said. Davey wanted to hug her; she sounded exhausted.

"Jack... Broke up with me," Davey said after a pause. It wasn't completely accurate, but he didn't know how else to explain it shortly.

His mother gasped. "What?! What happened? Didn't he just come see you?"

"Yeah. That's when it happened," Davey said. 

"You should have called me right away!" She scolded. "Are you okay?"

Davey laughed. "No. But I have a therapy appointment coming up this weekend."

"Sweetie. What happened?" She asked.

"I don't know," Davey sighed. "I expect too much from him. He has commitment issues or something."

"He's a very troubled boy, honey. I know you love him, but you have to understand that," She said.

"I know that, I just wish he would let me in. Or at least someone. You know?" Davey said. He felt the tears coming again.

"Well, I have some good news in the midst of all this," She offered.

"What's that?" Davey asked. It would take a miracle right now.

"I heard from Sarah," His mother said excitedly. "She's coming home for the holidays."

Davey almost fell out of his chair. "She's what?! Are you serious?!"

"Yes!" His mother laughed. "She called the other day and asked if she was welcome. Oh, I cried and cried. I think your father did a little, too. But he wouldn't admit that with a gun to his head."

"She's okay and everything?" Davey asked. He felt faint from the excitement.

"That's what she told us, but... Well, I'll believe it when I see it."

Davey believed it. Sarah was capable. She could run the world if she wanted to.

"Well, honey, do you want to talk to Les? I'll let him use his tablet for video if you promise to text me when you two get off so I can take it back," she said when Davey didn't reply.

"All right. Thank you," Davey said. "And I'm really sorry about before, mom, I just-"

"It's okay, David. I forgive you. I'm just... I'm trying very hard with him," His mother said softly. "Let me go and I'll tell him, okay? I love you, sweetie."

"I love you, too, mom. Thank you," Davey replied. He hung up and retrieved his laptop, waiting.

The instant the call came in Davey answered it. Instead of saying hello, Les let out an inhuman screech. Davey clutched his heart and fell forward onto the keyboard as if he had a heart attack. Les laughed.

"Did I scare ya?" He asked. Davey didn't respond. "Daaaaveeeyy, get up."

Davey grinned out of sight of the camera. He stayed down and silent, holding his breath.

"Davey? You're not funny," Les said, starting to sound worried.

Davey bolted up and got close to the mic, screaming back. Les screeched again in shock then fell back into laughter.

"Your face looks a lot better," Davey observed. Les's lip wasn't swollen and the bruise on his check had gone from black and purple to a faint yellow.

"Yours doesn't!" Les teased.

"Wow. Thanks, Les," Davey said, rolling his eyes. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing," Les groaned. "And I'm going crazy."

Davey laughed. "Me, too. But hey! Everyone's going to be together soon, right?"

"Yeah! Even Sarah!" Les cheered.

"I know! That's so crazy. How long has it been?" Davey said.

"She left when she was sixteen, right?" Les asked. "So two years?"

"Yeah, almost I think. She was about to be seventeen," Davey agreed.

"Last winter wasn't the same without her," Les said sadly.

"Did you hear mom say anything else about where she's been?"

Les shook his head. "Sarah wouldn't say. But she promised us she was healthy and okay and stuff."

Davey smiled. "I believe she is. Sarah is strong and awesome, right?"

"Super awesome!" Les shouted, throwing his hands up. He only succeeded in ripping his headphones out and knocking the tablet to the floor.

Davey flinched and chuckled at the sudden motion on camera as he came face to face with a soccer ball on Les's floor. In the brief moments before Les picked him back up, Davey could see just how much of a mess the kid was. He shuddered. When he came home he was cleaning that room.

"Sorry, Davey!" Les said once he'd reconnected.

"Your room is rediculous, Les! How do you get anything done?"

Les shrugged. "Well mostly I don't."

Davey snorted. "I don't know what I expected."

"Hey, when is Jack coming home?" Les asked.

"I don't know. He and I aren't talking right now," Davey explained as lightly as he could. He ached to change the subject. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Just did," Les said with a cheesy grin.

Davey rolled his eyes. "Another one, then. It's about those kids at school."

Les's face fell. "Oh. Them."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want. I just think it will help you be less angry if you get it out," Davey said.

Les shrugged. "Maybe. What do you want to know?"

"What were they saying and doing? Before you ever fought back, I mean. I heard it had been going on for a while."

"Lots of stuff. They were taking my things and hiding them, like homework and pencils and stuff, and the teacher never believed me because I forget them so much on my own. They always try to get me in trouble. And they make people not be friends with me," Les started to choke up. "They told all the kids in my class and theirs that I'm crazy and if anyone talks to me, they'll catch it."

Davey was furious, but he tried to appear calm. "Catch what?"

"The crazy. I don't know. It doesn't even make sense," Les pushed his palms into his eyes. "It's already so hard to talk to people, and they make it worse. They know it's hard for me. That's why they do it. Everyone thinks I'm a spaz."

"I don't think you're a spaz," Davey said.

"But I kinda am," Les said.

Davey shrugged. "So am I, really."

Les uncovered his eyes. They were red and wet. "I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"What are your friends like at college?"

Davey's face grew warm. "I don't... I don't really have any friends."

"Oh," Les said. "What about your roommate? What's he like?"

"Um. Well," Davey tried to think of how to phrase it for a child. "He likes to go to a lot of parties, so he isn't here a lot."

"Like, crazy drinking parties with grown ups and stuff? Like in the movies?"

"Something like that," Davey smiled.

"Do you drink at parties?" Les asked.

"I... Don't go to parties," Davey said nervously.

Les narrowed his eyes. "What about at not-parties?"

"You have to be twenty one to drink," Davey said.

"So what? Jack would drink like all the time and he's only twenty," Les said.

"Why do you want to know so much about drinking?" Davey said, trying to divert the attention. He was a bad liar.

"Why are you avoiding my questions?" Les said with a wicked smile.

"Because you're just too young for certain topics, okay?"

"Just like you're too young to drink?"

"I'm gonna kick your ass when I get home," Davey warned. "Jeez. When did you get so smart?"

"Probably while you were drunk," Les answered.

Davey threw his hands up. "Okay! Yes, I drink! I drank myself to sleep twice this week. It was amazing both times. I will probably do it again in the near future."

"Ha! I knew it!"

Davey rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I'm going to go to bed now. Talk to you soon."

"Aww," Les whined. "Okay. Good night, Davey."

"Good night," Davey said, clicking "end call."

Davey stood from the desk and walked to his drawer, digging out his bottle of pills. The attacks were less intense now that he was taking these again, but he still felt awful all the time. He took half a pill and thought he would most likely be upping his dosage at his next visit. When he'd first started medication in high school, it felt like the magic cure he'd wanted ever since he could remember. Nothing felt magical anymore.

After sending a quick text to let his mother know he and Les were done speaking, Davey started to get ready for bed. He didn't feel tired at all. There was nothing else he could really do, though. Davey brushed his teeth and laid down, taking out his phone. He felt a little lighter than he'd been feeling. Maybe he could try to salvage his tiny friendship he was so desperate for before.

Katherine response to Davey's texted apology was explicit. He closed his eyes and shook his head. After she was done sending him several inventive insults, she invited him over. Davey said he'd come if he could spend the night since he had already wound down for sleep, and she agreed.

The drive was short, yet Davey found time in it to make himself nervous. Les had asked when Jack would be home. That implied there hadn't been any sign of him. On one hand, Les was grounded and Davey's father seemed to plan to not let Jack interact with Les. It would make sense for Les to not know he'd come home. On the other, Jack could be either doing something stupid or dead right now and Davey would have no way of knowing.

Davey snapped himself out of it to punch in the gate code. He shot a glance at the lit window above Katherine's condo, remembering what she'd said. The chances were it was a thoughtless and unfunny comment, people made them all the time, but there was a possibility he was one of those zealous children of ex-military men who didn't know what century he was in. Davey tried not to think about it.

Katherine opened the door before Davey knocked. He commented on how that was kind of creepy, but she ignored him, instead giving him a verbal repeat of the texts she had sent while all but dragging him inside.

"I'm flattered you seemed to miss me so much," Davey said when she seemed finished.

"Missed you? I hate you, David. I would never," She retorted.

"My apologies," Davey said, taking a seat at her small table. "Hey, how do you do that?"

"Do what?" Katherine asked.

"Make me feel better by saying mean things."

"Because no one likes to be pitied. It's embarrassing and we all hate ourselves a little so we feel like we don't deserve it," She moved to the kitchen and began making drinks as she spoke. "If I pick on you about the wrong things, the stupid things you don't care about or know aren't true, it's distracting and silly and an escape without having to actually be positive." Katherine returned to the table and extended a glass to Davey as he finished.

"We all know that's too much work," Davey said as he took the glass from her, sniffing it. "What's this?"

"Vanilla vodka and Pepsi. Trust me," She said with a smile, sitting across from him.

Davey took a meek sip. It wasn't bad. "You drink a lot?"

Katherine blinked. "You have emotional meltdowns on benches at school a lot?"

"Ouch."

"Exactly. Don't point it out, asshole," She said, gulping down more. "So. Where's your not-boyfriend?"

"I want to say 'home,' but I'm not sure," Davey replied. "He's not talking to me."

"Oh, no. Did you guys not-break up?"

Davey took another drink and sighed. "Yeah, I think so."

"God, that's the worst. Wanna talk about it?"

"You know what? I do," Davey said. He took a Katherine-sized gulp and instantly regretted it.

"Spill. I want to know everything," Katherine demanded as she went for a refill.

"Where do I start? I've known him since 9th grade," Davey said.

"Then start with 9th grade," Katherine said as she rejoined him. "We've got all night."

-  
_Davey had been a underweight fourteen year with absolutely zero life experience who tutored others when he'd met Jack at school. The librarian had explained that a new student had arrived. He was two years older than Davey but only one grade ahead as he'd been held back. She assured him that he was nice though a bit of a troublemaker. Davey had bonded well with that librarian. She was very understanding of all of his nervousness and knew he needed a heads up to feel prepared._

_"Heya! David, right?" Davey looked up at the mention of his name._

_All his intelligence packed up and left right away. The boy in front of him was tall and tan. He looked almost too fit for his age, and his arms were covered in paint and bruises._

_"Uh, yeah that's. That's me," Davey managed to choke out. "You're Jack?"_

_"Yep! Thanks for the help. I'm down to my last couple brain cells so I need it," Jack joked with a dazzling smile._

_"No problem," Davey said._

_Jack pulled his tattered bag off his shoulders and set it on the table. It was covered with hand painted flowers and little ink doodles._

_"Man, you must be real smart to be a freshman in the same math as me," Jack said, sitting down._

_"Did you do that?" Davey blurted out before Jack had finished his sentence, pointing to the flowers._

_"Oh, yeah," Jack said. He seemed shy about it, quickly putting the bag out of sight under his chair._

_"They're pretty," Davey said._

_"Thanks," Jack answered, almost dismissively. "So, uh. Geometry."_

_-_

_"David Jacobs and Jack Kelly. Come to the front of the class please."_

_All of the blood drained from David's face. He wanted to crawl into his desk and die before he wanted to walk in front of all those people._

_"Aw, no. He didn't do nothin', really. He was tryin' to shut me up the whole time, I swear. I was distractin' him," Jack defended as he stood._

_"Why do I not find that hard to believe?" The teacher said. Students laughed._

_"It's a mystery to me, teach," Jack retorted. Students laughed louder._

_Jack took the slip he was written, grinning at some still-laughing students as he walked out. The lesson resumed with Davey's heart still pounding at the thought of nearly having to make the walk of shame._

_-_

_"Jack, I'm not so sure about this," Davey said, falling behind._

_"C'mon, it's totally fine, I come in here all the time," Jack said._

_Davey watched in awe as Jack hurled his backpack over the fence and began to climb it. He dropped on the other side and turned to Davey, grinning. Davey looked between Jack's eyes and the "no trespassing" sign._

_"I don't even think I can climb a fence," Davey said._

_"Psh, sure ya can. It's just like climbin' one of those plastic rock walls at a park, except easier because the whole thing is made of foot holds," Jack said. "But hey, before you do that, come here."_

_Confused, Davey stepped up to the fence. Jack gripped with both hands and leaned against it, smashing his face._

_"Closer," Jack said._

_"Why?" Davey said. He reached his own hands out to grip the fence a few inches away from Jack's hands._

_"Because I wanna kiss you," Jack said casually._

_"Oh," Davey said, heart pounding._

_Jack frowned, starting to pull away. "Unless I'm readin' this all wrong. I'm sorry, I thought- shit, are you even-?"_

_Davey pressed himself against the fence. "No, no, no, you're reading it perfectly, I'm super very gay for sure, I was just surprised, I didn't think- well, you know, I was off guard."_

_Jack leaned back in. "Davey. Shut up."_

_"Yeah. Yes. Okay. I'm sorry," Davey said. He clumsily pressed his lips to Jack's, the fence pressing into his forehead painfully._

_Jack pulled away slowly. "Climb the fence and I'll give you a better one."_

_-_

_"What happened to you? First your grades, and now you're being escorted home by the police?!"_

_Davey sat on the couch in his living room with both of his parents standing in front of him like he was in an interrogation._

_"We know damn well what happened to him. I told you we shouldn't have let him hang around that delinquent! I told you!" Davey's father shouted, pointing a finger at his mother._

_"Dammit, Mayer, maybe I was just happy to see him have a friend!"_

_Sarah stormed into the room. "Would you quit talking about him like he's not right in front of you?!"_

_"Don't make it worse," Davey said to her, covering his face with his hands._

_"And what are you going to do, cart him off with you when you have your next episode?" Davey's father shouted._

_"Yeah, why not? Come on, Davey, let's pack your bags," Sarah said. She crossed the room to him and pulled him up by his shirt._

_As disrespectful as it was, Davey let her take him away with their parents shouting behind him. Sarah dragged him upstairs into her room and closed and locked the door behind her._

_"Dude, you really got put in the back of a cop car?" She asked._

_Davey sat on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Yeah."_

_"You're so much cooler now. I'm proud of you," Sarah said. She laid on her bed, hanging her head over the edge Davey was sitting at._

_"It's not funny, Sarah. It was really scary. And I'm worried about Jack. I don't know where they took him. I just hope they took him home, too," Davey said._

_"Well, maybe he should stop breaking into places," Sarah said._

_"Maybe you should stop running away," Davey said._

_Sarah punched him hard in the shoulder. He shouted and reached up to pull her off the bed. She resisted, resulting in a tearing sound coming from her shirt. Davey covered his ears as she began to scream at him. A sudden tapping on Sarah's bedroom window silenced her. Davey was on his feet in an instant, ready to run._

_"What the hell was that?" Sarah whispered._

_"Don't," Davey hissed, but she was already tiptoe-ing to the window._

_In a quick motion, Sarah ripped the curtain aside. Both siblings screamed when they saw a face at the window, but it was only Jack leaning out from the tree in their yard. He was perched precariously on the thinnest branch, bending down towards the window. Sarah quickly unlocked and opened her window._

_"How long have you been up there?!"_

_"Excuse me, miss. Didn't wanna disturb nobody," Jack said. "Great view, huh?"_

_Sarah rolled her eyes and extended herself our the window. She gestured towards the slanted roof that extended in front of her window. "Come up on the roof."_

_Jack slipped down, catching himself on Sarah's hand. Between the thump and his obnoxious laughter, Davey worried he would attract the attention of his already-angry parents. Sarah pulled him inside._

_"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked as she closed the window._

_"Sayin' goodbye," Jack said._

_"'Goodbye?'" Sarah and Davey asked in unison._

_Jack looked down. "Yeah, state says I'm gettin' in too much trouble here, so they're movin' me to a different home. Some good it'll do, I mean, I'm eighteen soon anyway. But I don't have a say in the matter."_

_"Where are they going to move you to? Are you leaving New York?" Davey asked. He moved to sit back down by Sarah's bed._

_"A guy can dream. No, I don't think so. I'll be moving schools though, so you won't see as much of me," Jack said._

_Jack stretched himself across Sarah's bed. She came and shoved him aside roughly, earning a sharp "hey!" that Davey hushed. Jack huffed and shoved Sarah back gently. She raised her fist in threat and he held his hands up submissively. They settled down in their respective corners._

_"Jack, have you ever though maybe, I don't know, you should stop breaking the law all the time?" Sarah asked._

_"I've thought it, yeah. Then I laughed," Jack said._

_"You said it yourself, you're going to be eighteen soon. The law is going to start being harsher on you soon," She warned._

_"That's exactly why I gotta get my practice in now," Jack said. "But hey, relax. Nothin' serious is gonna happen._

_Davey tried to control his frantic breathing, unsuccessfully willing himself to believe Jack was right._

-

"And then, just a bit before he was going to graduate, he got arrested. For vandalism. He was on this constant vigilante justice trip which is what got him into fights and whatnot at our school. Then at his new school, a teacher had been sexually harassing a student. Rather than help her they tried to cover it up. Jack defaced that school repeatedly without getting caught. They got him when he was sighted at the actual offender's house egging his car. They made the connection right away."

"Jeez. This was the guy you were after for four years?"

Davey looked down again. "I don't know why. I'd lived my whole life all walled up inside myself, worried about what everyone thought about me and being perfect. When I compared myself to him, I guess I just felt selfish and it made him seem like some kind of hero. In his defense, all the media coverage of the incident lead to an investigation which landed the teacher in jail."

Katherine shrugged. "Silver lining, I guess. However thin it may be."

"I bet that girl didn't think it was very thin," Davey said defensively.

"Hey," Katherine said softly. "Relax. I'm not attacking him."

Davey flushed. "I'm sorry. I've been fighting with my family for years to try to see the good in him. It's habitual."

Katherine stretched and leaned forward to rest her head on the table. She reached out and patted Davey's arm a bit too forcefully.

"This is riveting stuff, really. I'm just so tired. I'm sorry," She said.

"That's alright. You had a lot to drink. Sleep," Davey said. "I probably won't. I've woken myself up."

"Drink more. What's mine is yours," She said as she pulled herself to her feet.

"School. I go to school," Davey said.

"Oh, yeah," Katherine said, scrunching up her nose. "Forgot about that place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (50 points if you caught the reference(s))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, what's this? An update after I said I wouldn't update? I rushed-typed this in an attempt to get it all out. I haven't proofread it much as I'm hella tired and just really want to post it, just a warning. Implied sexual content again, though it's even less graphic than the last time

Katherine and Davey sighed simultaneously as they parked at Better Days. They looked at each other and laughed.

"Jinx," Katherine joked. "Thanks again for driving me everywhere. If you want the gas money, I promise you I can afford to give it."

"I don't want your money. You've paid me enough by putting up with me," Davey told her.

They walked inside together quietly. As Katherine signed herself in, Davey took a seat to wait. He didn't have an appointment, he was only there so Katherine didn't have to interact with her so-detested father more than necessary. He wished she would share more about that. He wished she'd share a lot of things, but he didn't want to pry. The only reason she knew so much about him was because his condition was a bit more visible, and she'd met him at an odd time in his life anyway. Maybe he would gain the courage to ask her a few things some time. 

Davey waved at her as she walked down the hall. She responded by making a goofy face, causing Davey to chuckle quietly. He turned away when she was out of sight, facing the muted and captioned TV that was mounted on the wall. 

His mind wandered as he spaced out watching the news. He wished the audio was on. Half-living at Katherine's house had helped keep him distracted, but unless he was in class or talking to her, his mind would go to difficult places. Knowing he would have to face Sarah soon wasn't helping. She had her life together when she was sixteen, and Davey was... Davey. His twentieth birthday was approaching and he had only ever had sex with one person. He still cried like a six year old. His supposed praised intelligence from high school was proving to be average at best in college. It was getting harder and harder to pretend his family was picture perfect. He couldn't save Les with a stupid joke and some brotherly roughhousing when he was six states away. He wondered if he would ever be able to face that his situationship with Jack was going nowhere or if he would ever be able to get over him. All of Davey's problems were growing up and he was not growing with them.

"Davey, this is Earth speaking. Earth to Davey," Katherine said, having returned without Davey's notice. "Is there a David Jacobs in the building?"

Davey looked up at her. "I think I need to get laid."

-

"I'm going to fail all of my classes because of you," Davey whined as Katherine fussed over his appearance.

"You're the one who was getting horny in a waiting room of a behavioral center," Katherine said as she kept trying and failing to make Davey's hair look like that just-rolled-out-bed-looking-this-good style. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"It's Thursday night. Who goes out on Thursday night?" Davey said.

"Who thinks about sex extensively while watching the weather channel on mute?" Katherine countered.

"Me, apparently," Davey said.

"That answers both of our questions," Katherine winked at him in the mirror.

Davey rolled his eyes and went back to looking at his phone. Katherine pulled on his hair to get him to look up. He glared at her, and she stuck her tongue out.

"You're hopeless. No matter what I do, you're going to look like that annoying kid that corrects the professor," Katherine said, throwing her hands up.

Davey grimaced in the mirror. She was right. "Maybe someone will think it's sexy?"

"More like someone will want to strangle you," Katherine laughed as she shoved him aside to wash her hands.

"God, I hope so," Davey mumbled with a small smile.

Katherine gagged. "Ugh! TMI! Get out of my bathroom, freak."

-

As their driver pulled away, Davey stood frozen staring at the building Katherine had directed them to. He turned to face her. She was grinning ear to ear.

"What is this?" He asked.

"A night club, silly," She said, shoving his shoulder before taking off for the door.

"What do people even do at clubs?" 

Katherine stared back at him blankly. "Have you ever... gone outside or turned on a television in your life?"

"Is it going to be loud?" Davey asked, stumbling over his own feet as he tried to keep up with Katherine.

"Davey, I hereby decree you are not allowed to speak until you've had something to drink. You're going to embarrass both of us," Katherine said. She reached for her wallet from her back pocket. "Get out your ID."

"Shit, wait, why?" Davey said, scrambling for his own wallet. Katherine shushed him.

They came up on a small line of people filing in the door. Davey's heart began to race. He could already hear music and voices from inside, and it was damn loud. The threateningly large man at the head of the line carding everyone made Davey's heart beat even faster. His chest was starting to hurt and he hadn't even gotten inside. He clung to the back of Katherine's shirt. She swatted him away. Davey pulled his arms back towards himself, closing and opening his wallet to give his hands something to do.

"And how old are you, kid?" 

Davey flinched and looked up, realizing he was being spoken to.

"What? Me?" He asked, stupidly. "I'm-I'm nineteen."

The man arched a brow. "You sure about that?"

Davey nervously held his driver's licence out. The man stared at it for a moment, scrutinized Davey, then shrugged and looked to the person behind him. Somehow being allowed past didn't make him any less nervous.

 _""What? Me?'"_ Katherine mocked. "Jesus, Davey."

"I'm sorry! I was nervous," Davey said, shaky hands trying to get his wallet back into his pocket.

Katherine turned to him and reached a hand up to his shoulder. "Hey, if it's really too much you come find me and we'll go, okay? But just try to relax. Meet someone. Flirt your way into a drink."

"But I'm nineteen," Davey said.

"Did I say buy a drink? I said flirt your way into one. There's a million thirty year olds in there dying to get some young twink drunk."

"You think I'm a twink?" Davey asked.

Katherine rolled her eyes and grabbed Davey by the wrist, dragging him through the lobby towards the source of the loud sounds. He thought it was bad before. Now he couldn't even hear himself think. There were so many people. His chest skipped the increased heart rate and went straight to the pain. He stopped breathing and started sweating.

The song faded out, and the DJ said something too garbled for Davey to understand. Then, in the same moment, a Gaga song started playing and Davey noticed the lights running along the edges of the ceiling were a rainbow gradient.

"Oh, this is a gay club?" Davey shouted near Katherine's face.

"Oh my God, I forgot that you, the twink I just mentioned, were gay! Here on this evening I planned entirely for you! Let's go somewhere else," Katherine shouted back.

"Wait, you really think I'm a twink though?"

"I'm walking away now," Katherine said, still not answering him.

Davey watched her melt into the crowd. He didn't know what to do. How do you meet people in a place you can't even hear in? Katherine popped in and out of his sight a few times until she seemed to settle in a spot, moving in time to the beat alongside several other writhing strangers. The more he stared, the more he realized that's all anyone was doing; writhing about aimlessly. No one actually had any idea what they were doing. Yet they all still seemed to be enjoying themselves? He was confused. It couldn't be that simple. What was he missing?

He took a step forward. Then another. Then another. Then he was brushing against someone's elbow, then a hip bumped him, then he was surrounded. He closed his eyes and pretended the racing in his chest wasn't his heartbeat, but the steady, easy to focus on bass was. It was stupid, but it made him feel a little less like he was dying, and that's all he could ask for at this point. He opened his eyes back up. The blur of color and faces and movement and noises grew so terrifying to a point that he couldn't even be afraid anymore. It was nothing. It was numb. Davey could handle numb.

There was a man pressing closer to him than the others. Davey looked up to make eye contact. Katherine had been absolutely correct; this guy looked like he could be one of Davey's professors. Davey smiled at him anyway, pretending he wasn't just astral projecting to avoid panic mere seconds ago. The man smiled back, and- quite boldly in Davey's opinion- reached out to touch him. Davey pushed down the screams to flee and danced with this stranger. That proved to be the right move as after a couple songs and working up a good sweat, Davey got free alcohol. Then more free alcohol. Then more. Then they were talking. Then Davey was making the man laugh.

"Do you want to get out of here?" 

"In general or to go home and sleep with you?" Davey asked. "Yes, either way."

The guy laughed and began tugging on Davey's arm. Katherine had told him to just be himself. Drunk Davey decided to follow that advice literally and say everything he thought. He was vaguely aware of the underlying panic he wanted to feel at his own boldness, but the alcohol kept it from fully forming. It turned out most of his thoughts were so ridiculous that people thought he was joking, and funny was apparently very attractive. Well, whatever worked.

-

Davey woke with a surprisingly minor headache in an unfamiliar bed. He bolted up initially in panic before the night came back to him. Slowly, he turned to look at the man beside him. He breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't disgustingly unattractive.

This was unfamiliar territory to him. Should he leave? Was that rude? Was staying awkward? The man whose name Davey was sure he was never even told began to stir beside him. Davey panicked and laid back down, pretending to still be asleep. He sat up slowly, letting out a long, dramatic yawn. Davey felt eyes on him for a few moments. His heart started to beat hard and fast like it was trying to escape his body. He hadn't thought this far. He had to talk to this person now. Why did he do this?

The man got up and walked out of the room. When he was out of sight, Davey sat up and looked around the room. More and more of the night came back to him. If he was remembering correctly, this guy was kind of mushy and overly sweet. He wasn't complaining, it just wasn't what he'd come to expect from... well, from Jack. He pulled his knees up to his chest, staring at a wall of CD's opposite this guys bed and tried to unfog his memories.

Two little taps against the door frame turned Davey's head. He was standing in the doorway, smiling sweetly. "Hey, good morning."

Davey smiled back. "Um. Good morning."

"You hungry?"

Davey nodded, looking around the room for his clothes. His host walked around the other side of the bed and gathered up the small pile, handing them to Davey. 

"Thank you," Davey said softly as he dressed himself.

"You seem nervous," The man observed.

"I don't... do this often," Davey said.

"Hey, that's all right. Probably should have asked how old you were before buying all those drinks for you, hm?" he joked. "You were too cute to ignore, though."

He led Davey to a small kitchen-dining room where he'd already prepared a small breakfast. Davey tried not to be impressed; he knew he shouldn't let this amazingly kind guy set any standards for the type of person he would encounter if he did this again.

As they ate, Davey worked up the courage to speak. "I feel awful for this but... what's your name?"

"Don't feel awful! I'm Bryan. David, right?"

"Just Davey," Davey said, relieved he didn't seem offended.

"Really, no worries. I may not have even said. I tend to be a little focused on my wicked ulterior motives and forget how social interactions work when I go out," Bryan said.

"Wicked ulterior motives, huh? You do this a lot?" Davey said. "Oh, that's so rude I'm sorry--"

"It's okay! You're totally okay. I do. I don't hide that," Bryan smiled. "I'm not great with long-term. I like to flirt and spoil. That doesn't always sustain."

"So you're not going to ask me to call you. That's perfect," Davey said, remembering boldness had gotten him here.

Bryan laughed. "You're too funny. Well hey, if I can ask, what brought you out if this isn't your usual speed?"

Davey knew "the crushing psychological weight of become an adult with little to no life experience drove me to feel a need to catch up in terms of sexual history with my one and only partner" wasn't at all an okay thing to say, so he had to rapidly backpedal from Mr. Says What He's Thinking to his actual personality.

"Well, uh. You know, just. Uh, just another college kid on a self-discovery trip I guess," Davey settled on. "Speaking of, um, I should probably get going to see if I can make it to some of my classes. My friend that dragged me out has been keeping me from a lot of them."

"Sure, no problem. I'll call a ride for you," Bryan said, standing and gathering their plates. "Sorry, don't have a car."

"No that's perfect. Thank you," Davey said. "You're so sweet."

Bryan smiled the way he had in the doorway. "Thanks. It's kinda my thing."

-

Davey made it to three of his five classes. When the day was done, he found himself back at Katherine's.

"Absolutely amazing," Davey gushed. "And he made me breakfast."

"When's the wedding?" Katherine asked as she returned from the kitchen.

"Please. I didn't even remember his name at first," Davey said.

"That's terrible! You're terrible!" Katherine said, hitting his arm.

"Isn't it?! But he didn't even care. It literally could not have gone any better. Thank you for making me do this," Davey said.

Katherine took a drink. "You feel any better?"

Davey thought before responding. "I don't know. I'm still crushed, Kath. Some of the things Jack said... but I do feel freer."

Katherine lifted her drink. "Fuck Jack. To freedom!"

"To freedom," Davey agreed, tapping his juice to whatever awful concoction she was downing.

Davey watched Katherine get up to refill her drink with a mix of horror and awe. She had already been a bit tipsy when he'd arrived, and this was her third since he'd been here. It was sort of funny at first, but now that he'd known her for a while he was concerned it was something deeper than a silly quirk. Maybe he would wait until she was a little more out of it to press. He perceived them as close enough now for it to be appropriate to ask deeper questions.

"Man, I am failing everything," Katherine said as she sat down with too much force. "I wish I could get kicked out without doing anything illegal."

"Why don't you just drop out?"

"Ha! It's adorable that you think I have a choice," Katherine slurred.

You're twenty two and living on your own. I don't understand," Davey said.

"I don't really live on my own. I don't even have a job," Katherine said.

"How do you afford to live in a nice neighborhood like this without a job?"

"Oh, I don't pay a penny for anything in my life. My father controls everything," Katherine explained. "Pays for. I meant pays for everything. But what's the difference?"

Davey furrowed his brow. "I think there's a significant difference between being spoiled and being controlled."

"Why not both?" Katherine said enthusiastically, thrusting her glass into the air.

"Katherine, you should probably slow down," Davey said as he gently reached for her glass.

She jerked away from him violently, spilling her drink on the table. "Hey! I don't need two men obnoxiously telling me what to do."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm trying to help you."

Katherine sighed. "Yeah. That's the difference. You're trying to help me. He's trying to help himself."

"I don't understand how controlling you helps him," Davey said. He felt like he might be getting somewhere.

Katherine looked at him with sudden seriousness in her glassy eyes. "He doesn't want me to tell what happened. If I stay right here," She pointed down forcefully, "he knows where I am and where I go. Then he can make sure I'm quiet."

"What happened?"

"A lot of bad things. I can't tell you. I'd have to kill you!" Katherine laughed, seriousness completely faded.

Davey started to speak, but decided against it. Baby steps were probably his best bet if he wanted the full story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment! I feed off of them. :') My tumblr is @hopeful-broadwaybaby if you'd like to interact with me !


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter already?! I know, crazy. I'm finding writing to be therapeutic for me here lately, and boy am I needing it. :') Fic activity should likely increase (at least until college starts up) !

_Jack, I know you're not talking to me. I just want to know you're alive. No one back home has heard from you and it's been so long._

Davey stared at his own message, waiting for something, anything to come in as a reply. He knew it was hopeless, but he couldn't help himself. The thought of Jack locked up again in God only knew what state made him sick.

No reply came. Davey wasn't surprised. He pushed himself out of bed and began to get dressed. Another weekend, another appointment. He glanced to his roommate's empty bed as he walked to the bathroom. The guy hadn't been back for a few days. Davey knew he'd probably be more worried about it if he wasn't already so worried about Jack, but there was a threshold to how much anxiety he could feel at a time before he just shut down and felt nothing. 

As Davey combed his hair in the mirror, he made a mental note to go through his things from the beginning of the semester and try to find the contact information they'd exchanged.

Davey left his dorm with his phone in hand as he walked to his car. Katherine hadn't responded to him which likely meant he was going to have to wake her up again. He rolled his eyes at the thought. Last time he'd been knocking on her door for so long the neighbors had started staring. She claimed to have forgotten to set an alarm before she fell asleep, but Davey knew that probably meant she had passed out at her kitchen table. He hoped that wasn't the case today.

When he passed the gate and navigated the short, curved street to her building, he didn't find her door shut and all lights off like he'd expected. Instead he found her standing in the open doorway facing inside, screaming at someone who was somewhere in the house out of Davey's sight. A booming man's voice responded to her, making Davey jump. Katherine slammed the door and whirled around. They made eye contact, and for a split second Davey saw fear and rage in her eyes so intense that it made his heart skip a couple beats. She quickly softened, smiling at him. He smiled back nervously and glanced to the side at the unfamiliar car in front of Katherine's house. It looked like it costed the equivalent of his debt.

Katherine crossed into Davey's line if sight, disturbing his observation. She quickly slammed his door behind her and clicked her seatbelt.

"Go. Leave. Fast. Before he remembers what kind of car you drive or your plate number or something," Katherine said.

Speeding made Davey nauseous, but that warning made him believe it to be the lesser of two evils. He tore out of her neighborhood as fast as he could.

"Was that the father I've heard so much about?" Davey dared to ask after some uncomfortable silence.

"Such a pleasant guy, isn't he?" Katherine said as she continued to stare out of the window.

"Why was he so angry?" Davey asked.

"Oh, I maxed out another credit card that he gave me. My master plan is to put him in enough debt to actually affect him before he finally kills me," Katherine responded casually.

Davey shook his head, trying to refocus on the road. That was a lot to process. He wanted to know more, but he wasn't sure what to even ask.

"The only time he ever comes to that house is when I've done something wrong," Katherine spoke in a quiet, quite out of character voice.

Davey carefully, nervously reached out and put a hand on her arm. She put her hand on his but did not turn to look at him. Davey was almost sure he could hear her crying. His heart quickened. He was bad at dealing with other people's emotions. He was bad at dealing with his own emotions.

They arrived at Better Days, and Katherine stopped outside the door, making no move to come inside. Davey began to question her, but she cut him off with a mumbled half-sentence about fresh air. He didn't press it further.

"David! Hello. Good to see you're on time today," Davey's doctor came to greet him minutes after he'd signed in and seated himself in the waiting room.

Davey smiled sheepishly. "I swear it wasn't my fault. I'm the chauffeur for a friend of mine, and getting her out of bed is like pulling teeth." 

"Right," She teased in a sarcastic tone, giving a wink. "Come on back."

They walked down the hall to her office. It was much more comfortable than the psychiatrist's. She had soft, handmade pillows on the patient's couch and cheesy positivity posters with cute animals on the walls. There was a diagram of the brain hanging on the door, and she often used it for reference when explaining the inner workings of the mind to Davey. She was good at catering to his natural curiosity and understood how facts and explanations helped him rationalize.

"How has this week treated you?" She asked as she sat at her desk.

"Well, I went out with Katherine to a club and went home with a stranger. That was an entirely new experience," Davey said.

His doctor looked impressed. "That takes a great deal of social confidence."

"Faked social confidence," Davey corrected.

She smiled. "Most of it is, you'll find. Tell me more about this, though. How did it go?"

"Actually? It went great. I was expecting some to-the-point interaction in which I might not have even been allowed to stay the night. But the guy was so sweet. He gave me my clothes and made me breakfast and called me an Uber to school. I don't know if I can do it again. He set the bar too high."

"It certainly sounds like it. Still, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Do you think it could be a stepping stone into getting over Jack?"

Davey averted his eyes. "Not exactly. I texted him two days ago and I keep checking for a response. I'm worried for his safety. No one has any idea where he is."

"Do you believe he may have had a run-in with the law on his way back to your state?"

"That's what I'm worried about. Or that he did something stupid and got hurt," Davey clasped his hands together in his lap. "He can't afford to get hurt, you know? He was being evicted when he came here."

"Has your worry over him been getting in the way of your daily functioning?"

"If I'm being honest, a little. I'm up at night thinking of him. During class, I check the major news sites in states he should have passed through," Davey sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Is it too much to ask for just a simple 'I'm alive and free' message?"

"Is that really all you want to hear from him?"

Davey's shoulders slumped. "No."

She watched him silently for another moment, patiently waiting for him to say more if he wanted to. When he didn't, she continued.

"David, I think we should work on your boundaries. You seem to struggle with saying 'no,' and you've been accepting a lot of damage because of it. Jack, and everyone else for that matter, will continue to treat you as a means to their ends until you stop going along with it. We need to find your confidence so you can be able to speak up against your own mistreatment."

"That sounds like work," Davey whined as he sank down into the couch.

-

Katherine was sitting on the curb typing what looked to be a long paragraph into her phone's notes when Davey came outside. She looked up at him and smiled, but Davey saw a sadness in her eyes that made him want to pull her to her feet and hug her right then and there. He offered her a hand up and they walked to his car.

"Let's do something besides get day drunk inside your house today," Davey said as they got in.

"We can't go back there anyway. He is probably still there going through everything," Katherine said.

"He goes through your things?" Davey asked, shocked.

"It's like he always says, legally speaking they're his things," Katherine answered, shrugging.

Davey still didn't know how to respond to that. "Okay... well, what do you want to do? My dorm isn't exactly very exciting."

Katherine shrugged. "I don't care. Why don't we just drive? I don't have the energy to do anything productive and it's too early for anything actually fun. Those places aren't open yet," Katherine said as she resumed her position staring out the window.

"God forbid you should give your organs a break," Davey said.

Katherine waved him off as Davey backed out of the parking lot. In the end, he drove them to the park he'd spent the night in Jack's car at. When they arrived, they found a picnic table and sat. Davey questioned what Katherine had been typing earlier, and she read it off to him. He loved to hear her writing. It was always engaging.

"That's what you should be studying. Something for your writing. You're amazing," he told her when she'd finished.

"I don't want to study anything, though," Katherine replied.

"Why don't you leave the school then?"

Katherine ran a hand down her face. "I'm too sober to be having this conversation."

"I'm sorry, I just worry about you," Davey said.

Katherine didn't speak or move for a moment. She then looked around, seeming paranoid, before she leaned closer to Davey and began to speak in a quiet voice.

"Listen, I'm starting to trust you. But you cannot repeat this to any breathing soul. Do you get that?" Davey nodded. "I'm serious. I will kill everyone you love in front of you then you then myself," Davey nodded more vigorously. Katherine took a deep breath and continued.

"Back when my mother died, my father did some... bad things. I can't tell you what he did. Maybe I'll tell you one day, but for now I just can't. It wouldn't be safe, and... I'm not ready. But I was there for all of it. I saw everything. 

Now that he's successful, he's terrified of me. One word out of me would ruin his image. So he forced me to co-sign for loans so that I would be trapped here. He keeps me in a quiet neighborhood. If anyone gets curious about him and looks into his family name, they'll find me, enrolled in a nice school and not rocking the boat. It's perfect for him. Everything he does is methodical and calculated."

"What did he do?" Davey said, half-whispering.

"I can't," Katherine whispered back, shaking her head. "I can't. I'm sorry."

She put her face in her hands. Davey sat, staring at her stupidly, wondering if he should stay silent or speak or get up to comfort her or give her space. Before he could choose, she seemed to compose herself enough to move on from the topic.

"Hear anything from Jack?" She asked with a tired smile.

"You remind me of my sister. She used to do that. Derail the conversation to someone else's problems if someone asked about hers," Davey said in place of answering.

"You hardly talk about your sister. I've only heard about Les," Katherine said. "Wait, shit. You said 'used to.' Is she dead? I'm sorry."

Davey laughed. "She's not dead. She decided she was going to be an adult when she was seventeen because my father is a bigot. They clashed too much. She hasn't talked to any of us in almost two years."

Katherine's eyes sparkled. "Wow, she just got up and walked out? I wish I had the guts to do that."

"My mother has been urging me to talk to her, but I'm too scared. Sarah is a force to be reckoned with. She quite clearly established her hatred for me the last time I saw her," Davey sighed. "We were really close once upon a time."

"Your family sounds like a sitcom. Can I come over for Christmas and just watch?" Katherine said, chuckling when Davey grimaced. "Whoa, bah humbug. What was that face for?"

"We don't... My family-- I am, well _we_ are--" Davey tried to speak, growing flustered when his mouth and brain decided they weren't going to work together. He pulled at the chain of the necklace he always wore beneath his shirt to show the charm, a small silver Star of David, hoping it would speak for him.

Katherine squinted for a moment before smacking herself in the forehead. "Oh my god, I say that fucking Nazi line every time someone comes over. Please tell me I didn't say it to you."

"You did," Davey said.

"Why didn't you say anything? Oh my god. Gosh? Do you care if I say god?"

"Please stop," Davey said quietly. 

Katherine persisted as if she hadn't heard him. "I'm seriously so sorry. If I'd known- Well, I guess I should just not be shitty in general and it shouldn't matter who I'm saying it to. God. Shit, wait--"

"You're making it so much worse," Davey said even more quietly, face growing hot from the secondhand embarrassment.

"I swear I'm not like, actually terrible. Just everyone talks like that and I've never been so suddenly forced to actually think about how shitty that is. Wow. I am a bad person. This is very sobering."

Davey slowly leaned forward and rested his forehead on the table. "Katherine if you don't stop I'm going to set myself on fire."

"Right. God dammit. Wait-"

"I don't care," Davey groaned.

A thump indicated Katherine had also placed her head on the table. Davey turned so he was facing her. She was already looking at him, smiling.

"Subject change?" She asked. Davey nodded. "You said your sister left because your father's homophobic. She's gay?" Katherine asked.

"Oh, yeah. Why?"

"Um, because she sounds like everything I've ever wanted in a person," Katherine said as if it was obvious.

"I've talked about her twice," Davey said, confused.

Katherine rolled her eyes. "So? Do you have any pictures?"

"I mean, from when she was sixteen yeah," Davey said.

"Yikes," Katherine said, sighing. "Nevermind. I guess I'm just desperate."

Davey sat up. "I mean, you two would probably get along. Maybe I'll try to get ahold of her."

"Would we? She just sounds like she could kick my ass and that's my entire type," Katherine said.

"She could definitely kick your ass. She kicked Jack's ass," Davey said, smiling at the memory.

"Really?" Katherine gasped.

"Oh, yeah. That was the worst week of my life. I had him over for dinner because he'd said something kind of sad about growing up in the system so I wanted to invite him into my family. First thing he did-" Davey groaned and shook his head. "At the dinner table!"

"Do I want to know?"

"Well, he was clearly flirting with her, working innuendos into every other sentence. I was very sad and also disgusted," Davey said. "And my father hated him immediately. For some reason my mother loved him? I don't think she picked up on it."

"Well, how did she end up kicking his ass?"

"It was weird. She acted into it at first. This was a little bit before she came out. I think Jack was supposed to be some sort of last hope experiment."

"He's so awful he scarred her gay."

"I beg to differ."

Katherine cut him off with a loud gagging sound.

"Anyway, I figured I'd have to move on, because that's my sister. He kissed her at school like twice, so everyone thought they were dating except for Sarah apparently. Then one day as I was coming towards my table in the lunch room, there were people crowding it. I pushed through to see what was going on, and Sarah and Jack were arguing. She was threatening to hit him if he didn't get out of her space. And when someone threatens to hit him, Jack does this thing where he'll dare them to because in most cases it puts big talkers on the spot, except Sarah has never feared God or death let alone some dumbass boy, so she did. She just decked him in the nose. He fell backwards and knocked three chairs over. I had to hold her back. It was glorious."

"I would die for her," Katherine said. "She sounds like the kind of girl who would say 'thanks' if you said you loved her."

"She's done that to so many boys," Davey said.

"Are you serious?"

"That or 'of course you are,' 'I know,' 'who isn't,' et cetra," Davey said with a shrug. He was used to Sarah's shenanigans, but Katherine seemed enraptured.

"Sorry, I'm probably freaking you out. I just need a break from men. I want to find a strong woman so I guess I'm grabbing at straws," Katherine explained. "Oh yeah, I'm bi. Did I ever say that directly?"

"No, but I figured from other context. So, are you asking me to hook you up with my sister? Whose whereabouts here on God's green earth I am unaware of, whom I haven't spoken to in almost two years?" Davey asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I told you I'm desperate," Katherine whined. "If you think I've ever once thought before I've spoken, you're absolutely incorrect."

"I know you haven't. Speaking of, I know I said we should drop it, but I want to know. What makes your neighbor a, ahem," Davey raised his hands for air quotes. "'Nazi?'"

Katherine cringed again. "Because he's aggressive and sort of racist I guess?"

"He's aggressive and sort of racist you guess," Davey repeated, nodding.

"I'm _sorry-"_

"No, yeah. Totally makes sense. Suffering and death of millions with effects still reverberating into this century, sort of agressive and maybe sometimes you guess a little racist. Two very completely equal things."

"If I buy you lunch can we pretend I'm not an ignorant fuck?" Katherine offered meekly.

"We can. As long as you know," Davey said, smiling. "Really, I'm not upset. Trust me, I've gotten worse. Just promise you'll think in the future, yeah?"

"Yeah," She said. "I will."

-

_What did you say Sarah's number was again?_

Davey sat at his desk, bouncing his leg as he waited for a response. He didn't know what he was doing or why. Sarah wouldn't want to talk to him. She would hear his voice and hang up. He was certain. He remembered what she'd said word for word. It played even in his dreams sometimes.

_"I don't care how many times you call the police! They'll just bring me home, and guess what?! I'll run away again. And again. And again. I'll never stay here! I'll keep running until the day you can't legally restrain me!"_

_"Then get out! We're tired of chasing you!"_

_"Mayer, don't tell her that!"_

_"Fine! I'll go right now!"_

_"Sarah, no!"_

_"Oh, let her go, Esther. She's made herself clear."_

_Davey listened to all of this, curled up on his bed. Four gentle slow taps came on his door. He pushed himself up and opened it to see tiny, crying Les standing there, holding a stuffed animal close to his chest. He sniffled and reached out to Davey, who of course pulled him into a tight hug. Davey clicked the door shut and held Les tightly, speaking to him softly to try to drown out the yelling._

_"I came because I know you have anxieties and I wanted to hug you," Les mumbled in his small, tearful voice. "Yelling is scary. I can't imagine what you feel like."_

_Davey's resolve melted instantly and he was suddenly crying harder than his kid brother. Les used the paw of his toy to wipe Davey's face, repeating the reassurances he'd likely overheard Sarah use while Davey choked on his breath. He clasped onto Davey's hand and squeezed. Davey tried to quell his own terror, to be the adult this confused child needed, but all he could do was squeeze back._

_Sarah slammed her fist on the door, making both of them jump. She opened it up and pointed at Davey._

_"You," She hissed. "I want you to know something before I leave."_

_Davey shook like a leaf, unable to form a response. Sarah continued without one._

_"You're the worst one in the house. You're the worst one of all. You're a traitor to yourself and to me and to your identity and everyone like us. One day you'll realize your feeble attempts to mask your cowardice as mediation were nothing but disgusting excuses. You'll see how you've fed into everything that is wrong with that man and everyone like him. I hope you never forgive yourself, because I sure as hell won't."_

_And then, she vanished from his life._

Davey jumped back to reality when his phone pinged. He held down his mother's response, copied the text, and pasted the number into his phone. He stared at the screen, hands shaking too much for it to be in focus. He didn't have to do this. He could close the app and get into bed and do his reading. No one was making him hurt himself like this. So why was he pressing call and lifting the phone to his ear?

"Hello?" A familiar if somewhat higher voice answered.

Davey gulped. His entire body was shaking and it showed in his voice. "Hey, Sarah."

"Shut up. Is this Dave? There's no way," She said. Davey couldn't discern if her tone was negative or positive.

"It's uh. It's me," He said lamely. "How are you?"

"Better than I've been but not quite how I'd like to be. What about you, man? You taking care of yourself?" She asked, smile in her voice.

Davey closed his stinging eyes, relieved. "Yeah. I'm in school."

"Of course," Sarah snorted. "Bet you can't get enough of it. Once a nerd always a nerd."

"Once a bitch always a bitch," he retorted instinctively.

She laughed loudly. "Seasons change, people don't. Where's your school, ass wipe?"

"Colorado, snot rag," Davey said.

"That's the lamest fucking state ever," Sarah laughed.

"And where are you then?" Davey defended. He'd missed this.

"Nunya. It's a great little town," Sarah said. "Dude, I never realized how much I missed you. You coming home for Hanukkah?"

"Yeah, I'll be there," Davey said.

"Nice! Hey, are you still fucking Kelly?"

"Actually, no. As of very recently, though," Davey said. He was surprised to find he didn't feel sad about it this time.

"Ha. Remember when I punched him in the face? Best day of my highschool career," Sarah said almost dreamily. "Oh, dude, I totally got my diploma. Bet you didn't expect that."

"I really didn't. Where?"

"Online. So much faster," Sarah said. Davey heard a distant male voice shout something. "Yeah, alright! I'm coming! Hey, I gotta go, D Man. Text me!"

"What?" Davey said, but she'd already hung up.

Davey couldn't help but smile. The conversation had lasted under five minutes, yet he could tell she was still the same thunderstorm of a person he'd always known. As instructed, he sent her a text. All he could do was wait for a response.

He seemed to be spending a lot of time doing that lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a break from tumblr for a bit, but as per usual still feel free to check me out over there, @hopeful-broadwaybaby! Leave me some asks to come back to!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarah's finally here!! Pure sibling love and rivalry in this chapter :')

"I really need to go," Davey said uncomfortably. He had no idea where he was supposed to put his hands.

"Shove me in a duffel bag. Take me with you," Katherine said, her words muffled against Davey's shoulders as she hugged him tightly.

"I don't think they would let that slide," He said as he finally settled on a placement for his arms.

Katherine whined like a child. "Don't leave me all alone."

"You were alone until we met, right? You'll make it. I'll be back," Davey said.

"But I've gotten used to having a friend. And that's your fault!" She said as she squeezed him tighter.

"Sorry?" Davey said, unsure. He pushed her off of him gently. "I'm going to miss my flight."

Katherine looked genuinely said. "Alright, sorry. See you in a couple weeks then."

Davey gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder before turning from her doorstep to walk to his car. She watched him drive away. It almost made him feel guilty, but what could he do? His tickets were bought, and he wasn't going to give up his planned time with his family. There was nothing more he wanted than to pick Les up and carry him around on his shoulders.

Davey switched on his radio, tuning it to some top 40 station he could zone out to. Sarah was really coming back. As excited as he was, it was worrying. How would having her and his father under the same roof go after all this time? His mother had said he was excited too, that he'd possibly cried even. Did that mean he felt guilty about everything he'd said to her? Davey wasn't sure, and he wasn't hopeful after the conversation they had about Jack.

The airport was just under an hour away from Katherine's. Davey had to stop once to use the restroom. While he was inside the store, he bought himself a sugar-loaded drink. As the cashier counted out his change, he checked his phone. Katherine had already messaged him complaining he'd been gone too long. He laughed quietly to himself and pocketed his phone. With a thank you to the cashier he was back on the road. He thought nothing of leaving Katherine's message open. He'd get to her when he got home.

Airports were terrifying and Davey had entirely forgotten this fact. Every person was trying with all their might to find something incriminating on you, not to mention the unbelievable number of aggressive businessmen shoving through everyone and the various couples making out. It was a lot.

In spite of it all, Davey managed to board his flight with little issue. He switched his phone off and leaned back into his seat, leg starting to bounce instinctively. The man in the seat next to him glared at his leg then Davey's face, making a dramatic show of scooting a half inch away from him. Davey's face heated up and he went rigid. Containing the panic from the prospect of being launched into the air at a startling velocity without hyperventilating or moving was near impossible. This was going to be a long flight.

-

Four hours later, Davey stumbled off the plane onto familiar soil. He was nauseous and exhausted, but he'd survived. Now began the hell that would be retrieving his luggage and finding his family.

His jelly legs carried him inside. He leaned against the first wall he reached, trying to block out the bustling noise and movement of the busy airport while he scanned the area for the baggage claim. The last thing he wanted to do was battle people from all angles just to pick up his suitcase. He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. He could handle this. Just as he was sure he'd mentally prepared enough, Davey was brought back to reality by a shout.

"Davey! Davey!"

Davey's eyes shot open. He could see Les weaving his way through the crowds, screeching his name all the way. All previous thoughts gone, Davey pushed himself off the wall and ran to meet Les in the middle. Les smacked into Davey's waist, having overshot his last step. Though Davey stumbled he managed to stay upright, and he scooped him right up in an instant. Les hugged him around the neck tightly enough to choke. Davey managed to peel him off and set him down. He knelt with his back to Les.

"Hop on," He said. Les climbed onto Davey's back. He was getting too big to sit on Davey's shoulders, so they settled for a piggy back ride. "Where's mom and dad?"

Les pointed and Davey followed his directions. Soon he could see them through the crowd, frantically looking around and calling for Les. Davey shook his head, smiling. Of course the kid had taken off without warning.

"Over here!" Les shouted, sticking an arm out above the crowd and waving it around.

"David!" Their mother exclaimed.

The two pairs rushed towards each other. Davey set Les back down once they were close so he could hug his mother properly. She squeezed him hard enough to make him dizzy. Everyone seemed determined to strangle him today.

"How are you?" She asked as she pulled back, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm good. I'm great," Davey said.

"Really?" She asked.

A quick, sharp stab echoed in Davey's chest. "Yeah, mom. Really."

"Well, what are we standing around for? Let's go get your things," Davey's father said, firmly patting him on the back.

Les ran circles around the group as they made their way to the claim. Davey tried and failed several times to get him to walk in a straight line with them. Eventually, he gave up.

"Les, do me a favor?" Davey asked.

"Sure!" Les said, looking up at him while he bounced in place. Davey could see in his eyes how overstimulated he was.

"Find my suitcase. It's brown with a black handle. There's a bright orange tag that has my name on it. Let's race to get it," Davey said with no intentions of joining his search. He was hoping it would help get Les's wiggles out.

Les bolted to the conveyor without a second thought. He ducked under people's arms and weaved between couples and families. Davey laughed while he watched it unfold. He heard his mother sigh behind him.

"You're encouraging him," She said.

"I don't know, mom. I really don't think he can help it. Might as well make it productive," Davey said with a shrug.

"Looks like he's found it," Davey's father observed.

Davey turned back to the conveyor, seeing Les struggling to lift the large suitcase. He rushed over to help.

"I got it!" Les protested as Davey took it from him.

"Want to get back on my back?" Davey asked as he extended the handle to drag the suitcase along on its wheels.

Les shook his head. "I wanna run!"

"Then show me where the car is," Davey said.

Once again, Les took off into the crowd. Davey tried to keep up with him, suddenly not caring about the irritated people around him. He could hear his mother calling after them as they chased through the airport, and it made him grin. He felt like a little kid.

As they made it to the parking lot, Les skidded to a halt so suddenly that he almost fell forward. Davey caught up, stopping beside him as he panted. He might be feeling like a kid, but his body disagreed.

"I forgot where it's at," Les admitted.

"You dragged me all the way out here and you don't even know where to go?" Davey said. "Come here, you."

Les screamed and made to run, but Davey was quicker. He snatched him up, lifting him over his shoulder with one arm and tickling him relentlessly with his free hand. Screams for mercy and high pitched laughter echoed through the parking lot. Davey could feel the constant dull ache he'd been feeling in his chest start to subside.

"Would you two tone it down?" Davey's father called as they grew near. "We could hear you all the way inside."

Davey's own smile only widened as he looked into the smiling faces of his parents. Everything was fine. He'd been spending too much time all alone in his room with the pressure of school and the gloom of his sick roommate. It had all been in his head. Everything was fine.

-

"Not again!" Davey groaned, slumping forward in defeat while Les cackled beside him.

"Ha! You're bad at this!" He exclaimed. "Let's play again."

In reality, Davey would rather be doing anything else. But Les's smile was the only thing he cared about, so he agreed to another round of the surprisingly graphic fighting game Les was currently obsessed with. Davey was shocked his mother had allowed it for him. Back when he was younger, he remembered her telling him _Pokemon_ was too violent. Les didn't know how privileged he was being the third child.

"Your sister says she'll be here in five minutes," Davey's mother called from the kitchen. "Why don't you turn that thing off and get ready to do something that includes her?"

"Okay, mom!" Les shouted, then whispered to Davey, "Again."

Davey held a finger to his lips as he stood to mute the TV. They played on in the quiet, Les having to celebrate his successes through quiet bouncing and dramatic gestures while Davey suffered with his mouth open in silent screams. Eventually he got sick of it, leaning in front of Les to block his view. Les slapped the back of his head, and Davey yelped, turning to pin him to the couch with a throw pillow. Les screamed and flailed as Davey suffocated him, but it was muffled enough to still go undetected. Davey was moving to sit on him, still relentlessly beating Les's character on screen, when his mother walked into the room.

"What on Earth are you- I told you to turn that off!" She exclaimed, walking over to switch the TV off herself.

"Dammit! I almost had him for once!" Davey groaned.

"Do not swear in front of your brother!"

Les poked his head out from under Davey, gasping for air. "Get your ass off of my face!"

Their mother sighed and slowly shook her head. A knock came at the front door before she could scold Les.

"Sarah?!" Les gasped. He began punching Davey in the leg repeatedly. "Letmeupletmeupletmeup!"

Davey filled the request by racing to the door with Les on his heels, shouting for Sarah repeatedly like he'd done in the airport with Davey. Before they made it, Davey made sure to trip Les so he'd get there first. He opened the door, Les screeching from the floor a few feet behind him, to see Sarah grinning ear to ear with so much luggage he didn't know how she was holding it. She dropped it in an instant to throw her arms around him. He squeezed back. Les finally stood and caught up, adding himself to mix by wrapping his arms around both of them. Sarah stepped back to look down at Les.

"Hey, bud! You're tall!" Sarah exclaimed as she ruffled his hair.

"Wow! You look so pretty!" Les said as he hugged her again.

"Thanks," Sarah said as she hugged him back. She smiled up at Davey. "Going on eight months now."

"He's right, it shows. I could hear it in your voice on the phone. I'm proud of you," He said fondly.

"Sarah!" Their mother called as she rushed down the hall, voice already sounding teary.

Sure enough, as soon as she'd collapsed against her daughter, she started sobbing deeply. Davey could see... something on Sarah's face. She seemed almost guilty as she hugged back. Les moved to try to pick up some of Sarah's bags. Davey jumped in to help, throwing another smile over his shoulder at Sarah before he and Les went upstairs to her old room. There were boxes scattered everywhere, but the bed was still there. While Les shoved as much of the clutter as he could against the walls, Davey began searching for some sheets to put on the mattress for her. No such luck.

"Hey Les, buddy, do you know if mom and dad have been storing anything in my room while I've been away?" He asked.

"Yeah! I know there's like blankets and stuff in there for sure," Les told him.

"Perfect, that's just what I'm looking for. Wanna come with?" Davey said.

Instead of answering, Les zoomed out of the room, presumably to Davey's room. Davey followed at a reasonable pace. He hadn't gone into his room yet, and as soon as he entered he felt like he could cry. He was really home.

"Here you- whoa!" Les shouted as he fell backwards, taking the entire shelf of Davey's closet with him. "Ow!"

"Les!" Davey gasped, rushing over to pull the shelf and it's contents off of his brother. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Les said, sitting up and rubbing his forehead. "I'm sorry...."

"Hey, don't apolog-"

There was blood running from a gash on Le's forehead. Davey's head started spinning. Then, like the angel she was, Sarah came into the room.

"What's going on in here?" She asked, but she saw the answer to her own question immediately.

Davey was holding the shelf in his hands, staring at Les's face with a blank expression. His skin had gone pale. He felt like he would be sick any moment. Les looked up at Sarah, the beginnings of his own panic being kick started by Davey's.

"Whoa, Les. That's gonna leave a cool scar," She said as she knelt beside him. "It's nothing, though. And you're tough, right?"

"Yeah," Les said, not sounding very sure.

"Hell yeah. But just to be sure, can I get a good look at it?" She asked, holding her hands out to his face.

Davey turned away, unable to look directly at the wound. The sight of not just blood but blood on Les's face was well out of the realm of things he could handle. He kept staring at the wall while Sarah did her best to downplay it in order to calm Les. Davey only hoped she honestly thought it wasn't bad.

"Let's go get you patched up. Davey can stay here and pick up," Sarah said.

The two of them left the room, leaving Davey to work through his nausea alone. Slowly, he tried to do as she said, standing to put the shelf back onto its supports in the closet. He was still in the process of folding the blankets when a neatly folded piece of paper caught his eye. He picked up the folder it had fallen out of and gathered the other things that fallen out of it, putting them back in. The folded paper remained. Davey stared at it, not wanting to pick it up. He had an idea of what it was and if he was right, he didn't want to go through another melt down after just seeing Les with a bloodied face.

It wasn't going to put itself away, though, so he bent down and picked it up. He sat at his desk, took a deep breath, and unfolded it. Sure enough, it was the drawing Jack had given him after the day they'd kissed by that fence. Jack had drawn Davey sitting and reading. In Jack's messy scrawl, the words "prettiest nerd" were written beneath the sketch. Davey had swooned over this for weeks. He'd hung it by his bed.

Sarah tapped on the wall to get Davey's attention as she came in the room. "He's alright. Stuck one of those adhesive butterfly stitches from the first aid kit on it and he was running around like nothing had happened. You okay?"

"Yeah," Davey lied as he folded the drawing up and put it in his back pocket. "I'm fine. The blood, you know? But I'm good now."

"What did you just hide from me?" Sarah asked, not missing a beat.

Davey sighed and took it back out, holding it out to her without a word. She walked further into the room and took the paper from him.

"Ah, I remember this. What happened between you two, anyway? You told me on the phone you'd only stopped seeing him recently," Sarah said.

"Roof?" Davey asked.

Sarah grinned. "Just like old times."

-

"...Then he called me pathetic for loving him and left. I haven't heard anything from him since. For all I know he's behind bars again," Davey said, having cried only a little once. He was proud of himself, considering.

"I can't believe you put up with that," Sarah said, shaking her head.

"I love him, Sarah. So goddamn much," Davey said.

_"'God_ damn,' huh? Mom would faint if she heard that one," Sarah said.

"Shut up. I've been hanging around this girl that swears in every sentence. I picked up on it I guess. You're right, though, I definitely shouldn't be saying that," Davey said, suddenly guilty.

"I don't think God cares if you slip up and exclaim His name in a moment of emotion. I think taking God's name in vain is more like when people use it to justify their bigotry and violence and pointless wars," Sarah said. "I think He'll forgive you for a 'goddamn.'"

Davey smiled at her. "I hope so."

"But anyway. That sounds rough. How are you handling it?" Sarah asked.

"I'm... not," Davey admitted. "After you left, Sarah, I... I only had Jack, really. And now I have no one."

Sarah was quiet for a moment. Davey looked away from her out over their lawn. The neighbor's house had one light on, and he could faintly see their TV. He tried focusing on that instead of making up a million scenarios in his mind about how angry at him Sarah was.

"I'm sorry," Sarah said. That wasn't at all what he'd been expecting. "I know what I said, and I regret it. I was hurting, Davey. I hope you forgive me."

Davey looked at her in shock. "Forgive _you?"_

"Yeah. That was crappy. I think about it a lot," She admitted.

"Yeah. So do I," Davey said. "I just stared at you like an idiot, I'm sorry, there were so many things I wanted to say but I was just panicking because that's all I ever do and I'm an idiot and I'm doing it right now and I'm so sorry, Sarah, I'm sorry for everything I did back then I-"

"David!" Sarah shouted, cutting him off. "Hey, breathe for me. It's okay. That's over now. It's a new chapter. Breathe for me."

Davey did, though the breaths were shaky and labored. "Yeah... Thank you. It's been hard keeping myself in check without you or Jack around to tell me that."

"Tell you what, 'breathe for me?'"

"Yeah," Davey said, laughing. "Stupid, I know."

Sarah shook her head. "You know, one of these days you've got to start breathing for yourself."

"Yeah... You always know exactly what to say," Davey said.

"I have no idea what to say to dad, though," Sarah replied, changing the subject suddenly.

"Has he spoken to you yet?" Davey asked.

"Nope. Not a word," Sarah sighed. "That's probably for the best, though. I mostly just came for mom and to make sure you haven't killed yourself yet. Oh, and speaking of, what is going on with Les?"

"It's been getting bad, Sarah. He's been getting into fights at school and he's doing so poorly in class this year he may have to be held back. The school made him see a psychologist, and he says he's sending Les to get evaluated for ADHD," Davey explained.

"ADHD? Guess I'll have to research that, too," Sarah said.

"What do you mean 'too?'" Davey asked.

"Duh? As soon as you got your diagnosis I went home and Googled that to no tomorrow. I wanted to know everything I could to help you," She said.

"You did that for me? Does this mean you care about me?" Davey said, hand to his heart.

"I hope you fall off this roof and break your legs," Sarah said with a scoff. 

With that comment, Sarah turned onto her belly and shimmied up the slight incline that was the garage roof they were laying on. She climbed back in through her open window, gesturing for Davey to follow. When he was about to crawl inside, she slammed and locked the window, wicked grin on her face as she ran away. Davey's mouth fell open in shock.

"Sarah?!" He shouted, banging on the glass. "Sarah! Let me in! I'm gonna kill her...."

Davey crawled on his stomach to the edge of the garage roof, reaching out as far as he could to try to bang on the glass of the next room, his room. He'd left his door open, so the sound should carry better. After a good five minutes of banging and shouting, Les finally heard and came to his aid. He stood in Davey's doorway, laughing so hard he couldn't stand up all the way.

"Darn it, Les! Just go open Sarah's window!" Davey roared. It was cold and he was pissed.

Les ducked out of sight, hopefully to Sarah's room. Sure enough, a few moments later, he was at the glass. He clicked the lock open and pushed the window up. Tears were streaming down his face from how hard he'd been laughing at Davey.

"She locked you on the roof?!" Les cackled.

"She did and I'm going to kill her," Davey said through gritted teeth as he climbed back in. "Sarah!"

Davey ran down the stairs, ready to get some sort of revenge, but he stopped suddenly when he saw Sarah and his father standing in the living room. They didn't appear to be arguing, but whatever conversation they were having was very clearly tense. They were facing each other and speaking in hushed tones, both of them with arms crossed.

Les came up behind Davey, laughing and shouting. Davey turned to heard him back up the stairs.

"But what about revenge?" Les whined, trying to see whatever Davey was blocking his view from.

"Why don't we go upstairs so we can plan a really elaborate prank?" Davey said. 

"Yeah!" Les stage whispered. "Can we do it in my room?"

"Sure! Race you there," Davey said.

Les shot off up the stairs. Davey spared another glance over his shoulder at his father and sister. They had each sat on one of the couches, facing one another. Now that Davey could see Sarah's face, he felt better. They definitely weren't fighting. She wasn't smiling- the conversation didn't seem pleasant- but they seemed to be talking it out.

It had all been in his head. Everything was fine.

Davey headed upstairs to meet Les, completely forgetting about Katherine's message all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! I thrive off of them. Thank you <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all. I'm so sorry that this took so long. My motivation has been non existent and I've lost my laptop charger.  
>  This chapter isn't the best. Bear with me, things get interesting soon.

The silence was nauseating. The only sound that could be heard in the Jacobs' dining room was the periodic scooting of Les's chair and the scraping of forks on plates.

_Some holiday,_ Davey thought to himself.

Apparently, he had been wrong. Whatever conversation Sarah and his father had been having in the living room on the first day was not going well. They hadn't spoken since, and this was the first day everyone had actually all sat at the table for a meal. Davey couldn't handle another moment of quiet, but he didn't have the courage to break it. Luckily, his mother did it for him.

"So, Sarah, what have you been doing to sustain yourself financially?" She asked.

"Hm," Sarah hummed, holding up a finger while she hurried to swallow her mouthful. "Nothing special, just hopping from retail job to retail job. I've been traveling the states with some buddies of mine and we just find work where we can."

"Really? Well, that sounds fun. How did you find the time to get your diploma during all that? Davey said you told him you had," She said.

"I did it online. I actually had to come back here to do standardized testing in-county. Thought about dropping by, but I didn't know how welcome I'd be," Sarah explained.

"No one ever said you weren't welcome," Their father interjected. 

Sarah raised her eyebrows, and Davey started silently praying for deliverance. No such answer came. The tension kept rising alongside Davey's heart rate.

"David," his mother began, clearing her throat as she tried a subject change. "I heard a little something about a girl?"

"She's just a friend, mom," Davey said, uncomfortable.

"Yeah! Davey doesn't even like girls. He likes Jack!" Les spoke up suddenly.

Davey and his father started choking in the same moment. Sarah was eating it up. She turned to Les, smiling.

"You are right, but just because someone likes a boy doesn't mean they don't like girls, too," She said.

"Well, duh. I knew that. Just like Jack!" Les said.

"Yeah, that's called being bi," Sarah said.

"Don't tell him that!" Their father said once he had caught his breath.

Sarah ignored him. "How'd you know Jack was bi anyway?"

"Because he used to kiss you at school," Sarah's eyes widened. Unaware, Les continued. "Then he kissed Davey. He's bad at saying he loves people though."

Davey braced for the verbal impact. He was absolutely doomed.

"David?!" His father said, shocked. "He's hearing this from you?!"

"I'm sorry. He was my only confidant," Davey tried to explain.

"Wow. Insulted," Sarah scoffed.

"You were the problem!" Davey protested.

"Les, you're excused. Go play in your room," Their father said.

"But-"

Now, son."

Les shoved away from the table roughly and stomped up the stairs. Once the door could be heard slamming shut, their father continued.

"That was entirely inappropriate. What is the matter with you both? And David, you were telling him these things when he was how young?"

"I'm sorry," Davey said. He wanted to run.

"Don't be sorry. Why should he be sorry?" Sarah said. "He never told Les anything graphic. Gay experiences aren't inherently perverse or adult. You know how much romance and drama and kissing there is in Disney? You let him watch that."

"But do you really think telling a nine year old that because someone was attracted to both a normal boy and a boy in girl's clothes they're suddenly no longer homosexual is okay? You're going to confuse him!" There father said.

_There it is_ , Davey thought bitterly.

The look on Sarah's face was enough to let Davey know it was time to go. He got up quickly and ran to the bathroom before she began to yell. He was a coward, but it was too much. It was all too much. The illusion that things were okay had lasted for a grand total of 24 hours. He should have known better.

Only when the lock clicked could Davey finally let out the breath he'd been holding. As if breaking a dam, that breath lead to sudden hyperventilation. Davey sank down, back against the door, as he choked on every attempt to get air. His mother came by and knocked a few times, but eventually she gave up and presumably went upstairs. The sound of Sarah and his father screaming at the top of their lungs in the kitchen carried to the bathroom. Davey put his hands over his ears, not wanting to hear the words. Not again.

Eventually, just like always, the screaming subsided and ended with the sound of a slamming door. Davey's panic did not immediately fade with the trigger, and he stayed on the bathroom floor curled up tightly until his muscles started to ache and shake. Even still he had to force himself to straighten his back and legs. He leaned back against the door and sighed. He never thought he would want to go back to school, yet here he was wishing to be as far away from this as possible.  He wished he was at Katherine's house drinking himself into oblivion.

"Katherine!" Davey gasped out loud.

Patting himself down proved all his pockets to be empty. That meant he'd left his phone in his room; he would have to cross No Man's Land to get it. Great.

Davey stood to his feet, head spinning as the blood rushed to his legs. He steadied himself on the counter for a moment, hand going to his head.

Carefully, he opened the door and leaned out of the bathroom. All was silent on the first floor. He stepped out of the room and closed the door, making his way to the stairs carefully. He ascended them, hearing nothing until he reached the top step. Les's giggling and chatter reached Davey from down the hall. Davey walked to the closet in which the access to Les's attic room was located. He tugged the string to the door, catching the ladder before it could tumble down.

"Les?" He called up. "Are you okay?"

"Hold on, guys," Les said. "What? Mom?"

"No, it's me. Just asking if you were alright," Davey said.

"Yeah, just talking to some friends online," Les answered. "You can come up!"

"Let me grab my phone first," Davey said.

He cursed himself for forgetting. It had been three days since he had left and he had yet to reply to her message. As he pushed his bedroom door open and began to look around for his phone, he chuckled nervously. She would rip his head off for this. 

Finally finding his forgotten phone in the side pocket of his suitcase, Davey snagged it and checked his notifications quickly. There were a few likes from various social media posts and emailed advertisements. Nothing important. He scrolled all the way to bottom to find what he was looking for. Buried and forgotten, there was one text from Katherine. He tapped it to bring up their conversation.

_**Katherine** _

_15 minutes and i already miss you enough to crave death_

That was what he had received and effectively ignored at the store. There was another one from that night at one A.M.

_ikk_ _know its a weird_ _ti_ _;e but_ _disadster_ _students_ _lik_ _e you_ _dotn_ _sleep right_

As he made his way back to the attic door, Davey typed out a reply.

_Hey, Kath. I'm so sorry I never replied. You wouldn't believe how crazy it's been from the second I landed. On the other hand, though, I'm glad I avoided you drunk texting me at one in the morning. Ha!_

He pocketed his phone and reached for the string, pulling the ladder down. Les was still laughing and talking loudly, clearly not hearing himself over the sound of his headphones. Davey climbed the ladder and began sneaking up behind where he was seated at his desk. He could see the faces of two other eleven or twelve year old looking children on the screen of Les's tablet, one girl and one boy. They caught sight of Davey looming over Les's shoulder and began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Les asked them, unaware.

"Boo!" Davey shouted as he grabbed Les's shoulders.

Les screamed and jerked away violently. "Davey!"

Davey leaned over on top of Les's head and unplugged the headphones from the tablet's audio jack. "Who's this? Is that your girlfriend?"

"No, gross! Get off of me!" Les shoved at Davey's arms to no avail. Les's onscreen friends laughed at the show.

"Hello, Les's friends. This is David, his super cool big brother," Davey said, waving to them.

"Hello, David!" The girl replied in a heavy French accent.

Through his flailing, Les managed to reach out and end the call to avoid Davey embarrassing him further. With that out of the way he turned all his focus to trying to shove Davey away. They fell to the ground in the midst of the scuffle, Les's chair collapsing the opposite direction.

"Why are you always trying to hurt me?" Les screeched as he clawed at Davey's arm under his chin.

"I never try to hurt you. I just hold you here. You hurt yourself in the struggle," Davey explained calmly. "Ow! You little-"

Les had nearly broken skin with a particularly deep scratch. Davey shoved Les off of him roughly and looked at his arm to examine the damage.

"You gave me carpet burn," Les whined.

"You're fine," Davey said.

"It hurts," Les whined louder.

"Shh, you're fine. Be quiet. Mom will hear you," Davey said. He might have been grown, but he was still an easily intimidated mama's boy.

Les held up his red arms and opened his mouth to continue whining, but Davey cut him off.

"Shh! Hey, why don't we go get some ice cream?" Davey offered.

The supposedly severe pain completely forgotten, Les dropped his arms and jumped to his feet in excitement.

"Let me go ask mom if I can borrow the car," Davey said.

"Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!" Les jumped around his room chanting.

Davey shook his head and stood to leave the room. He didn't bother closing the ladder up after he went down, figuring Les would be close behind him. He made his way to his parents', bedroom door, knocking carefully.

"Who is it?" His mother called.

"It's me, mom. Could I get your keys? I'd like to borrow the car to take Les out for a bit," He said.

There was a squeak as she got out of bed and the sound of a drawer opening. Footsteps approached the door.

"Here, honey. Be careful and be back by nine, okay?" She said once she'd opened the door and extended the keys to him.

"Okay," Davey said with a smile.

Les had climbed down the ladder, still chanting "Ice cream! Ice cream!" Davey and his mother laughed. Davey turned to follow the ever-energetic Les down the stairs and out the front door. When he reached the door, his phone began to ring in his back pocket. Davey answered it as he was trying to pack Les into the car.

"Hello?"

"Davey," Katherine said. Her voice was hoarse. "Hey."

"Is something wrong? You sound awful," Davey tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he started the car and backed out of his driveway.

"That way! That way!" Les said, pointing.

"Hell no, Les. We are not driving into the city during in December," Davey said.

Katherine laughed, but it turned into a coughing fit. Once she'd contained it, she asked, "With your little brother?"

"Trying to get him out of the house. He's fiesty when he gets bored," Davey said.

"Who are you talking to?" Les asked.

"Can I put you on speaker if you promise to remember he's eleven?" Davey said.

"Yeah, go for it," Katherine rasped.

Davey set the phone on his leg and switched the call to speaker. "Les, this is my friend from school, Katherine."

"Hi, Katherine! But Davey I thought you said didn't have any friends," Les said.

Katherine laughed again. "Wow, Davey. Ouch."

"Hey, we weren't close yet when I made that statement," Davey explained.

"What do you study, Katherine?" Les asked.

"I haven't picked a major," Katherine replied smoothly.

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty two," Katherine said.

Davey drove them further away from the city to some chain restaurant while Les essentially played twenty questions with Katherine. Most people found it annoying, but Katherine was kind and patient with him. She knew exactly how to turn her answers into kid-safe ones without sounding like she was doing it. It reminded Davey of Jack. As soon as that thought hit him, he stopped smiling.

"Hey, Kath, we're about to head inside a restaurant. Text me," Davey said once he parked.

"Okay. It was good to talk to you, Les. Bye!" She said.

"Bye, Katherine!" Les replied, one leg out the door.

While they walked up to the door, Davey typed out a message: _Why did you sound like you scrubbed your throat out with steel wool?_ When he looked up, Les was standing there holding the door open with a grin on his face. Davey smiled back and walked inside. Davey's appetite wasn't at its peak due to all the stress, so while Les ordered a complicated treat with all manner of candies blended into it, Davey stuck with a soda. They took a booth and Davey watched, horrified, as Les consumed his ice cream at a rate that would make a normal human vomit.

_Just sick :)_ Katherine replied.

Davey frowned and replied _Bullshit_. Katherine read the message and left it that way, much to Davey's hypocritical dismay. He put his phone down, telling himself he would call her later, and looked up to Les.

"Hey, is it okay if I ask you some more kind of serious stuff?" Davey asked.

Les frowned into his ice cream. "Not about the boys at school again. I don't want to talk about it."

"No," Davey took a pause to sip his drink. "About mom and dad."

"Oh. Sure," Les nodded.

"Well, when I was having some troubles back in the eighth grade, they got into a lot of fights. It wasn't fun for me," Davey said.

Les fidgeted. "Yeah. I kind of remember, but I was little."

"You were about five. And then again, when I got in trouble with Jack, they had some fights," Davey said.

"Yeah...?"

"I just want to know if everything's... okay," Davey said. 

"I don't know. I think they're kind of fine. Especially ever since Jack disappeared. Dad hates him," Les said. "It only looks bad because Sarah is here, and dad can't chill out."

"That's the truth," Davey laughed. "But Les, I don't want to know if they are all right. I want to know if _you_ are all right."

Les stared into his cup silently for a few moments before setting it aside and laying his head down in the table. He was bouncing his leg under the table so quickly it was shaking his seat. Davey stared at the top of his head, patiently waiting for Les to answer.

"Everyone always says I'm bad and that I need to just try," Les spoke finally. "No one understands that I'm already trying so hard."

"It's not easy," Davey agreed softly. "People who aren't sick, they don't understand."

"I don't wanna be sick. I wanna be normal and calm and have fun and not feel crazy and bored all the time," Les said. He lifted his head to look at Davey. "What's happening to me?"

"I don't know," Davey admitted. "I'm not a professional. I can't say for sure. But no matter what it is, I'm always here for you, okay?"

Les sat back up slowly and pulled his cup back towards him, swirling the melting contents with his spoon. "But you live so far away."

"You can still call me or send a message whenever. If I see it's from you, I'll get to it right away. I don't want you to go through it alone like I did," Davey said.

Les smiled. "Okay, Davey. Thank you."

"When it was happening to me, dad told me I shouldn't talk about it," Davey said. "Does he say that to you?"

"Kind of," Les admitted. "He says that I'm making it up because I'm trying to be like you."

"Why on Earth would you want that?" Davey said, bewildered.

"That's what I tried to tell him, but he won't listen since he already thinks I'm copying Jack and Sarah," Les said.

"Wait, why does he think that?" Davey asked.

"Because I got into a fight like Jack and I ran away like Sarah," Les said, looking down.

"That's not fair of him. You're your own person, Les," Davey replied.

"I guess," Les squirmed in place. "I wish I was like any of you guys."

Davey scoffed. "Why?"

"Well, Jack is so tough and strong and he doesn't care about anything or cry," Les began.

"You're right. He doesn't care about a damn thing," Davey grumbled.

"And Sarah, she's not scared of anything. She just does whatever she wants," Les said.

"Yeah, I wish I was a little more brave, too. We love Sarah and Jack, but no one is perfect," Davey said. "There's something important called moderation, and those two don't practice it in the areas you admire them for."

Les smiled shyly. "I have no idea what you just said to me."

Davey chuckled. "Sorry. Here, let's take Jack's example. He's strong and doesn't care about anything. It's good to be strong, but it's not good to be so focused on being strong that you hurt people. It's good to try to be kind to everybody, but it's not good to accept mistreatment. You have to find a healthy spot in the middle between the extremes. That spot is called moderation."

"That's why I wanna be like you, too," Les said.

"What? Why?" Davey asked.

"You're super smart and good at saying things. My brain doesn't make words the way I want it to. It's always ahead of my mouth," Les said. 

"Somehow, I know exactly what you mean."

-

Later that night as Davey lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling, he thought long and hard about Jack. Davey had actually said something negative about him today. It was a strange feeling after idolizing him for so long to talk about Jack's flaws so openly. Not only that, but Davey had been legitimately and outwardly angry. He was angry at Jack, angry that he disappeared, angry that he had hurt him, angry that he had thrown all of Davey's efforts in his face. Davey shivered. Being angry was scary.

The front door creaked open downstairs, and Davey heard someone climbing the steps followed by Sarah's bedroom door opening and closing. He got out of bed and went to her door, knocking quietly so as not to disturb anyone sleeping.

"Who is it?" Sarah asked.

"The demon that lives under the staircase here to drag you and your brother to Hell for saying 'goddamn,' like, three times the other day," Davey said.

Sarah laughed. "Come in."

Davey opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him. He went and sat beside Sarah on her bed. She leaned against him, hiding her face in his shoulder and sniffling. He reacted by hugging her tightly.

"It's stupid. I shouldn't care. He never has," Sarah sighed.

"That's not true. He used to care, a lot actually. That's why it hurts," Davey said.

"Estrogen makes you cry, like, all the time," Sarah said.

"Sure, blame it on the hormones. You big baby," Davey teased.

"Fuck you," She said, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "It's like it all started to fall apart because of me, if you look at it."

"No, I think he started acting... like that when I came out, actually," Davey disagreed. "It just came to its peak with you."

"Poor Les," Sarah sighed.

Davey cringed. "Yeah, we basically ruined his life by existing."

"That's okay. He'll be eighteen one day, too," Sarah said.

"I didn't realize being eighteen was the requirement for moving out around here," Davey said.

Sarah punched him in the arm.

"Now that was a nostalgic feeling," Davey said, rubbing the spot. "Hey wait, give me that."

"Your pass code is Jack's birthday," Sarah laughed, holding the phone she'd just stolen out of Davey's reach. "Disappointed but not surprised."

"Give it back!" Davey tried not to yell so he wouldn't wake up the house.

"Camera roll," Sarah sing-songed. "Drunk selfie, drunk selfie, drunk selfie with some middle aged man wow-"

"It was a one night stand!" Davey defended, trying in vain to reach around Sarah to retrieve is phone. "Don't keep scrolling!"

"Why? If I see a picture of your dick I'm actually going to throw you out the- whoa," Sarah froze suddenly.

Davey panicked. "What? What?"

"Who is that?" Sarah stopped holding the phone out of Davey's sight to show him a picture.

Davey, of course, seized the opportunity and snatched his phone back. Looking at the screen, he saw a picture Katherine had taken on his phone, unbeknownst to him, with Davey sitting at he table with his head down surrounded by empty glasses. Katherine was grinning her shit-eating grin, the one Davey knew too well.

"That bitch," Davey grumbled. "When was this even?"

"How many times have you passed out drunk at this girl's table for you to be unsure of which time it is?" Sarah laughed.

"This is my friend Katherine. And too many to count. That's all she ever does with her time," Davey sighed and swiped through his pictures to see if she had taken any more.

"This the one that swears in every sentence?"

"That's her."

"She sounds like a delight," Sarah said. "She single?"

Davey snorted. "Obviously."

"What the hell? She's gorgeous, how is that obvious?" Sarah asked.

"Have you listened to nothing I've said to you about her? She's a nightmare. She made a Nazi joke within three seconds of me being at her house for the first time," Davey said.

"If she's so awful, why do you spend so much time with her?" Sarah asked.

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. I hang out with her because she's awful," Davey said.

"And what makes you think I don't want to do the same?" Sarah said.

"Because I know you're just lonely and thirsty. You're worse than she is," Davey said, shaking his head.

"Worse than she is? What do you mean?"

"Oh, I've talked about you a fair bit I guess? She's convinced she has a crush on you," Davey explained.

"What?! Okay now you have to hook me up," Sarah pleaded.

"She doesn't even know what you look like!"

"So?"

"Well obviously, as soon as she does she'll run in the other direction," Davey said, grinning. "Ow! Ow! Stop!"  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I apologise for the late in writing. Motivation is fickle and I've been super unsatisfied with how the last few chapters have turned out :'(  
> But big things are coming soon!! Stick around!  
> Very mild self harm tw on this chapter

After several unsuccessful pillow fort attempts that devolved into pillow fights, Davey fell asleep on Sarah's floor. He woke in the morning alone in the room with a pain in his back. There was talking downstairs, so he followed the sound to see what was going on.

He took the stairs slowly and carefully as he tried to listen to the tone of the voices. It was too early to tolerate another fight. He could make out the sound of Sarah and his mother, but no one else. His stomach growled when the smell of his mother cooking hit him.

"...After that, I got used to it, though. It was definitely a wild ride," Sarah said.

"Welcome to womanhood, dear," Davey heard his mother reply.

They laughed together, and Davey spun around to head right back up the stairs. Food was not worth listening to whatever that was about.

The second floor was silent, even Les's room, so Davey headed back to Sarah's room to check for his phone. It was plugged in on her nightstand. He retrieved it and went to his own. Katherine still had not answered his message. That concerned him deeply, but he pushed the feeling down. He didn't want to be a bother.

Davey sat on his bed, propping himself up against the wall, and pulled his suitcase towards him. He flipped the top open to get his laptop, and the corner of the drawing he had found a while ago caught his eye. He pulled it out, unfolding and examining it again. That scary anger stuttered through his chest again.

 _Why am I taking this stupid thing with me?_ He thought.

Davey moved his hands to the top of the paper, posed to tear it down the middle, but he could not seem to make himself do it. Defeated, he folded it up and shoved it further into the bag. He shook himself out of it and finally took his laptop like he had intended. He had reading to do, and not once had he looked at a textbook since his arrival.

He pulled up the statistics textbook, but instead of focusing on the words onscreen his mind wandered. Statistics notes were the topic last direct conversation he could recall with his roommate. That had been weeks ago, and the guy had vanished. What if he had died or something crazy?

Davey huffed in frustration, forcing himself to focus and read. He didn't get very far before the tumble of the attic ladder down the hall spoke of Les's awakening. Long wooden creaks sounded as Les climbed down slowly. He came to Davey's door, knocking.

"Are you awake?" He spoke quietly through the door.

"Yeah, you can come in," Davey replied.

Les opened the door and dragged himself over to Davey's bed. He crawled across it and curled up by Davey's side.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, yawning.

"Just some homework," Davey said.

"Homework?" Les asked accusingly.

Davey clicked on the calendar icon. Saturday. Of course.

"Is that why you're not at school?" Davey asked, disregarding Les's questioning tone.

"Yeah," Les answered. "Why did you ignore me?"

Davey sighed. "You're so much harder to trick now that you're smart."

Les smiled. "I grew up, dummy."

"Yeah, me too. Which is the answer to your question, by the way," Davey said.

"You're working today because... You grew up?" Les said, confused.

"Yeah, sometimes something called the real world gets in the way of practices," Davey said. "I work straight through seven days for weeks on end at school."

Les shrugged and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "That sounds like it would suck even if you weren't religious."

Davey closed his laptop, resigning to the fact that he would have to catch up later. "Well I am, so it sucks for two reasons."

"Let's go get breakfast," Les said as he slid out of Davey's bed. "I think mom's cooking."

"Race you downstairs?" Davey said.

"You always say that then don't actually run with me just to get me to use up my energy," Les accused.

Davey smacked him with a pillow. "Stop being so smart and be a kid so I can bully you, dammit."

"I'm gonna tell Mom you said another bad word in front of me," Les said.

"So what? I'm a grown up now. I don't care," Davey said, hitting Les again. "I don't give a _fuck."_

"Mom!" Les screamed, making for Davey's door.

"No, wait!" Davey cried.

Davey leapt to tackle Les but missed, crashing to the floor. Les laughed and ran down the stairs, calling for their mother.

"Mom! Mom! Davey's being a bad example again!" Les cried.

Scrambling to his feet, Davey finally managed to run downstairs after Les fast enough to catch him. He clapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him kicking, screaming, and laughing back towards the staircase.

Sarah poked her head around the corner, gasping in staged shock. "Les! I'll save you!"

She charged at Davey, and he screamed. He moved Les to use him as a body shield. He freed Les's mouth to press his fingers to the side of his head in the shape of a gun.

"Come any closer and I'll shoot!" Davey said.

Les screamed and laughed. "Do what he says! Don't let me die!"

Sarah circled Davey like a shark. "I'll get you out of this, fair maiden. Worry not."

Davey turned so he was constantly facing her. "Do your worst. I'm prepared."

"David Jacobs, you're under arrest on account of... Les, help me out here," Sarah said.

"Working!" Les cried, feigning fainting.

"Working!" Sarah echoed as she raised her own finger gun.

"And swearing!" Les "fainted" in the other direction.

"And swearing!" Sarah echoed once more. "In front of the _fucking_ kid!"

Les was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. Davey could hardly hold him up.

"Drop your weapon or the kid dies," Davey warned. "Three..."

"Don't let me die!" Les wailed, still laughing.

Sarah cocked her "gun." "You're bluffing, fiend."

Davey raised his eyebrows. "Two..."

"Tell my mother I loved her," Les pleaded.

"Release him!" Sarah demanded.

"One!" Davey shouted. "Bam!"

Les went limp in his arms, eyes squeezed shut and tongue lolling out. Davey lowered him to the ground.

"No!" Sarah cried, rushing to him and holding him in her arms. He was fighting off a smile. "How did I let this happen?! Cruel world!"

"Are you three done in there?" Their mother called. "Breakfast is ready!"

Les shot up and ran to the kitchen. Sarah laughed.

"He recovered surprisingly quickly," She said, grinning at Davey.

"I missed that," Davey said. "Growing up sucks."

"Who told you to grow up?" Sarah scoffed.

"Did I hear 'breakfast?'" Their father called from the top step.

Sarah and Davey looked to each other, a million words only a sibling could hear communicated without either one of them speaking. They proceeded to the kitchen silently. The fun was over for the morning.

-

As it turned out, the fun appeared to be over for the majority of the week.

Davey's father of course had taken the entire week off of work, so he was constantly home and awake. For as long and as he could, Davey tried to stay out of sight or with his siblings. More often than not he was out with Les spoiling him with money he didn't have or on the roof with Sarah talking about things that weren't for Les's ears. In between, they all put on silent smiles while gathered as a group with their parents. Even Sarah stopped purposefully stirring up controversy at Davey's request.

Katherine had disappeared off the face of the earth. Usually there was at least one daily blurry Snapchat video on her story to reassure him that, while she was destroying her one and only liver, she was still alive. But ever since their brief phone call, she'd posted nothing. He didn't know what to make of it.

Davey felt every second tick by. Ever since he had realized how angry he was at Jack, he seemed to be angry at everything. He was angry at his father for becoming the person he had become. He was angry that Les was suffering with little being done about it. He was angry at God for whatever curse he had put on him and his siblings to make them all this way. He was angry at himself for being such a doormat all the time. 

Davey felt every second tick by, and as they went something within him was swelling. It had scared him at first, but the anger was slowly overwhelming the fear. 

-

"Wow, I hate the city," Davey groaned as he climbed out of the backseat of the Lyft.

"Me, too. Reminds me why I moved," Sarah said as she exited the vehicle from the other side.

"I thought you moved because Dad lost his mind," Davey said.

"I moved for a lot of reasons I guess," Sarah said with a shrug as she caught up to him. "Or maybe I only moved because of Dad; I just spent too much time with Jack, and he convinced me I was chasing the sunset on horseback or whatever the fuck he was always on about."

Davey laughed out loud at that one, perhaps too enthusiastically from the look Sarah gave him. He tried to stow away his animosity with a smile as they entered the house. Les was completely engulfed in a video game on the couch while their father sat watching the gore in horror.

"Roof?" Sarah whispered.

Davey nodded in agreement. They tried to sneak up the stairs, but just as they reached the first step their mother called the house to dinner. Sarah groaned out loud.

"You still sound like a fifteen year old girl," Davey said.

"And you still sound like a jerkwad," Sarah remarked.

"That was incredibly vulgar," Their mother chided.

"Don't worry, Les isn't listening," Davey said.

"Sarah said 'jerkwad,'" Les called from the couch.

Davey sighed. "I stand corrected."

"Well, why don't you come _sit_ corrected at the dinner table?"  His mother suggested as she re-entered the kitchen.

Davey and Sarah followed suit, falling into their usual agreed upon silence. After some whining on Les's part and convincing on their father's, the whole family was assembled at the table. Davey had resigned himself to the tension at this point in his stay. That irritability was still stewing in his chest, but he would be leaving soon. Nothing serious would happen. He intentionally spaced out staring at the centerpiece on the table to avoid growing angry over the sound of scraping forks and chewing.

The impromptu detaching himself from the moment had gone so well that Davey could not even hear the words everyone was speaking. The tones still got through to him, though, and he could tell it wasn't a conversation he wanted to be present for. Sarah had taken on the tone that Davey knew would start something. The conversation devolved into raised voices, and Davey's vision blurred. His pulse was quickening, but he wasn't nervous. He didn't know what he was.

"How does it affect you in any way at all? This is honestly kind of funny," Sarah said, voice equal parts defensive and condescending.

"It's not me, it's children I'm worried about," his father defended.

Sarah threw her hands up. "So in your worst case scenario, children... Do what? Grow up to be like me and continue to not affect anyone negatively? It makes no sense whatsoever. You're hearing yourself, right?"

"Samuel-" He began.

"Don't fucking call her that!" Davey roared, suddenly on his feet.

Everyone was completely silent, Davey included. His voice sounded unfamiliar to him. He sounded dangerous. He sounded like a grown man. His hands began to shake, and he clenched them into fists to stop it.

"I'm tired of it. I'm sick and goddamned tired of it!" Davey countinued.

"David!" His mother gasped.

"Don't you speak that name that way under my roof, boy," Davey's father shouted back, just as dangerous.

"Don't 'boy' me, Mayer. I'm not a little kid anymore. And don't you dare pretend this is about God."

"What are you talking about?"

"The God I serve, and the God everyone else here serves for that matter, is a God of love. Your words have no place under God," Davey spat.

"Don't you tell me about God! I didn't raise you--" He began.

"You raised me and every other kid in this family to fucking hate ourselves! I don't give a fuck where the end if that sentence was going!"

"David!" He said, tone warning.

Davey was unafraid. "No. Get over yourself! If you can't stop using the love of God as a shield for your own biases and discomforts, that is no one's problem but yours. Do you honestly expect to control what the whole world does?"

"I'm not trying to control the whole world, I'm trying to control my children."

"You're unfit to have children. You don't even want children, you want little cookie cutter perfect angels that turned out just like you expected and believe everything that you believe."

"That isn't true."

"It isn't? Are you sure?"

No response.

"If you can't love any one of us unconditionally as a father should, I want nothing to do with you. I hope you don't fuck up this badly with Les," Davey said, teeth clenched. His body was shaking, but he didn't feel an ounce of nerves. It was pure rage.

"I will not sit here and be accused of such terrible things by my own son," He stood to his feet, inches from Davey's face.

Davey stared back into his eyes, still unaffected by the threats. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to hit _something_.

"Then I guess I'll go," Davey said.

"Go."

"David, no!" His mother dispaired.

Davey turned on his heel and went straight out the door. He got into his car and started it, backing into the road and driving away. He waited for the panic to start. But as he drove in silence and anticipation, it never came. His breathing remained steady. The only emotion he could register was the anger. There was no urge to hide or curl into a ball or cry, only to hit something. He remembered the bruises he used to see on Jack's knuckles. Jack had explained them as intentionally self inflicted. Davey found himself wondering what that felt like.

Davey pulled into an empty parking lot outside of a convenience store that appeared to be closex. He looked at his hand, balled it into a fist, and looked around his vehicle. There was nothing solid he could really hit.

 _The glass of car windows is made to sustain the impact of a crash. There's no way I'm strong enough to break it,_ Davey thought.

With that idea, he turned and punched the window of his door with his full force.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, forehead resting on the wheel.

Bruising and swelling rapidly formed across his knuckles. He sighed and shook his hand out a couple of times. The overwhelming level of rage he'd felt started to subside, but that had still been an incredibly stupid idea. He sighed and sat up, starting his car again. He couldn't loiter in this parking lot forever.

As he drove, Davey tried rolling down the window. It made an odd thumping sound but did not budge. He groaned. He must have knocked it off the track.  Broken window and broken ego, Davey drove around aimlessly in search of something that was open at such an odd our during the holiday season. His phone began to ring in his pocket. Driving and talking was hard enough under usual circumstances, so he could imagine he would struggle further being so emotional. But he answered in spite of himself in case it was Katherine.

"Hello?" Davey said as he tried tucking his phone between his ear and shoulder.

"D Man, where'd you go?" Sarah said. "You should come back. Les is crying."

"Sarah, I just need a goddamn minute," Davey huffed, frustrated.

She started to say something else, but he hung up and tossed the phone into the passenger seat. Davey drummed his fingers on the wheel as he drove. He had no where to go, so maybe he would just do this. Drive aimlessly. That would be a good way to get it out of his system.

Davey turned his radio on and turned down the volume as low as he could while still hearing the distant, faint voices. He couldn't handle silence.

"God dammit," He muttered to himself. " _God_ dammit! God!"

Anyone looking in his windows would have thought him absolutely insane, driving alone and screaming at nothing. But Davey knew he wasn't screaming at nothing. He was screaming at his father and Jack and himself and God. None of these men were bothering to listen to him anymore, but he kept crying out to them, begging for something, anything.

But of course, as he watched his headlights illuminate flurries of snow chasing each other in frenzied circles, no answer came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE leave a comment if you're reading! It helps me more than you will ever know! Even just a couple words! Thank you !


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone so much for your everlasting patience! Here is the new chapter at long last.
> 
> SERIOUS WARNING:  
> I'm not going into detail of every single thing that goes down in this chapter, but PLEASE read the tags THOROUGHLY. There is a lot of heavy content in this story, especially this chapter. Do not trigger yourself by reading anything you are not okay with. Take care of yourself<3

Les was upset. His parents were impossible to read. Davey was indifferent, numb. Regardless of anyone's feelings, or lack thereof, Davey boarded the plane.

The disconnected state he had remained in for the past twenty four hours had the benefit of keeping his anxiety at bay. It was, at the same time, sucking every positive emotion out with it, but Davey would take what he could get. It meant he was able to sleep rather than panic for the duration of the flight, inadvertently causing it to be over in no time.

The campus was mostly empty, Christmas break still in session. Davey could have remained home for it he supposed, but he didn't really want to after everything that had happened. He could endure a few carols in solitude if it meant getting away from his father and all the memories of old friends who didn't care about him anymore.

Upon returning to his dorm, Davey sent a bland, straightforward _I'm back in town_ to Katherine before promptly falling asleep for twelve hours, bags still unpacked. He was too miserable and empty to do much else.

When Davey woke, it was dark outside. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, disoriented. Now that he was somewhat refreshed, he looked around his dorm. Everything was still untouched on his roommate's side, indicating to Davey that he had been gone for about a month now. He frowned, realizing he had never tried to contact the guy. He should probably do that, in case he really had died.

Davey groaned as he stood, stretching up as far as he could. Dorm beds were like sleeping on rocks. He trudged over to his discarded pants to retrieve his cell phone. Still no response from Katherine. He sighed and scrolled through his contacts, looking for an unfamiliar name that might ring a bell.

"'Antonio, stoned roommate.' Well, that was easy," he mumbled out loud.

Davey pulled up their conversation, which read:

_This is David. Antonio?_

**No, this is patrick**

_What?_

**Nevermind lmao**

Davey shook his head, still bewildered by that. They had been standing feet apart when this exchange took place, Antonio laughing about whatever it was that Davey wasn't getting. He then informed Davey that he should call him some strange nickname that Davey immediately forgot.

_Hey, you've been gone for a long time. I hope I'm not a bother, I'm just curious and concerned. Hope all is well._

The message delivered instantly but wasn't read. Davey returned to his contacts, deciding he was fed up with worrying about people, and called Katherine to inform her he was coming to her house. To his surprise, she picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" She answered, sounding worse than she had when he called her from home.

"Katherine! You're alive!" Davey exclaimed. He frantically pulled his pants on and retrieved his phone from the desk where he had set it down. "I'm coming over. Are you home? Tell me you're home."

She paused before answering. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm at home. I'm really rough right now, I don't know if you want to see me."

"I missed you. Of course I want to see you. Do you need anything? Soup? Medicine? I can stop by the store on my way," Davey said, rushing out into the cold without a jacket.

Katherine laughed. It sounded like it hurt. "You're such a mom. I'll be alright with just your presence."

"I'll be there in ten," Davey said as he reached his car.

"Door's unlocked. See you soon," She said and hung up.

Davey bounced in place as he sat at her gate after he'd punched in the code, waiting for the slow, creaking thing to open. When it finally allowed him enough space for entry he followed the loop to Katherine's house.

As she said, the door was unlocked. Davey let himself in, calling Katherine's name into the dark house.

"Bedroom!" She replied, coughing from the effort of shouting.

Davey winced. She sounded worse in person. He slowly walked down the hall to her room, trying to brace himself for what he was going to see.

He flicked on the light when he entered. Katherine sat on her bed, wearing an over-sized hoodie and looking paler than he would have liked.

"Geez, Katherine. What's wrong?" Davey asked.

"Alcohol, dancing, no sleep, no food, rough sex, maybe party drugs from strangers but I don't remember most nights," She said, shrugging. "Will you just... come hug me?"

Davey sat by her on the bed and she leaned into him gratefully. He did his best to hold and comfort her without being awkward.

"Why no food?" Davey asked.

"I throw everything up," She explained.

"How many days in a row have you gone out?"

"Is this a reunion or an interrogation?" Katherine whined.

"Sorry, sorry. Can I ask why you're wearing the hoodie indoors, at least?" Davey asked.

Katherine recoiled from him like he had slapped her and crossed her arms across her chest tightly. Davey made the connection instantly.

"It's comfortable," Katherine said simply in an even tone, but her initial physical reaction had already given her away.

"Katherine..." Davey began, but he didn't know what to say. She had scars, he had already seen them ages ago, but he knew it wasn't something to point out.

"Don't worry about it. I'm still alive, right?" Katherine joked.

"I'm glad you're alive, but it would be even better if you were alive and well," Davey said.

"You're glad I'm alive?" She asked quietly.

"Of course," Davey laughed. "Obviously."

But Katherine was looking at him like that was news to her, like it wasn't obvious at all. Davey reached a hand out to her. She turned her body away, still shielding her arms, misreading his intentions. He continued to reach, gently grabbing her hand. She relaxed when he didn't pull or try to look.

"I'm very glad you're alive. You're the closest friend I have right now. You and I clicked very well very quickly, and I'm glad to have something special like that in my life. I'm sorry I'm not good at consistently expressing my emotions, but I promise you I value you beyond your knowledge," He said, gently rubbing his thumb over her hand as he spoke.

Katherine stared down, watching his thumb glide back and forth without blinking. She looked at him without lifting her face when he finished.

"Oh."

Davey laughed again. "That's all you've got?"

Katherine laughed, too. "I'm sorry. You caught me off guard."

A tear fell from her eye and splashed on Davey's hand. She pulled her hand out of his to wipe her face. When she did, the sleeve of her jacket slipped down, revealing Davey's suspicion to be true. But more concerning to him, there were fingertip-shaped bruises alongside the lines. He did a double take, but in the blink of an eye she had tugged the sleeve back down.

"How was your weird Jewish holiday?" Katherine asked.

"Honestly? It sucked from every possible standpoint. I used His name improperly upwards of seven hundred times. I was disassociating so hard that I didn't even get to taste the food. There was definitely no appreciation of family going on and I worked on Sabbath like twice."

"What's that?"

Davey sighed. "You know how Chic Fil A closes on Sundays?"

"Yeah."

"It's like that, except we do it Saturday. And also, Christians are assholes about it."

"Aren't Christians just assholes about everything?"

Davey laughed hard at that, hard enough to make himself snort. The embarrassing sound only made him laugh harder and Katherine was soon laughing with him. When they both caught their breath, Katherine had perked up considerably.

"Will you come with me to your kitchen and eat something?" Davey asked.

"Carry me," Katherine said.

"I genuinely don't think I'm strong enough," Davey said. "Come on."

He managed to coax her to her feet, and to his dismay she did indeed need a lot of support to make it to the table.

"When was the last time you slept or ate?" Davey asked as he went through her cabinets.

"I haven't slept for longer than four hours at a time since you left," Katherine said. "And food? I had a sandwich the day before yesterday I think."

Davey turned to glare at her. "Why aren't you taking care of yourself?"

"There's no point," Katherine shrugged.

"How about keeping yourself alive?" Davey suggested.

Katherine just shrugged again. Davey turned back around to the cabinet, shaking his head at her. He found a can of chicken noodle soup in the back. He fished it out and began to prepare it for her.

"Davey?" Katherine asked quietly.

"What?" Davey asked. He put the bowl in the microwave then joined Katherine at the table.

"I... Want to tell you something," She said, not looking at him.

"Go ahead. You can tell me anything."

"I want to tell you about... My father," Katherine almost whispered.

"Oh," Davey leaned in, understanding her sudden seriousness. "Okay. Go ahead."

Katherine took a deep breath to prepare herself. She placed her palms flat on the table and stared at the space between them.

"When I was--"

The microwave beeped, and they both jumped. Davey huffed in frustration and went to retrieve her soup. Katherine took it gratefully and took a small sip from the broth before starting again.

"When I was six years old, my father's business was starting to do well. He decided my mother, who was an alcoholic, was a drag on his image, so he divorced her. The problem with that was he had a kid.

This was public knowledge in the circles he was so worried about saving face in. If he didn't get custody of me, he worried people would wonder why and rumors would spread. The court ruled in his favor simply because he could clearly provide me with the better living situation. While it was all being determined, though, I stayed with my mother.

She was good to me. She didn't have enough to really provide for me, but in the weeks I was with her I watched her go without just so I wouldn't feel the effects of how poor she was.

Winning isn't good enough for my father. He has to see his opponent be obliterated before he's satisfied. So he reported her for neglect on top of gaining primary custody of me. He could afford the lawyers, she couldn't, so you know how that went. She never bothered to contact me again when she got out of jail."

Katherine remained quiet for a moment, taking a few bites of her soup. Davey knew that couldn't be all there was to the story, but she seemed to be waiting on something from him.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you know where she is now?" He asked.

"No," Katherine said. "After that, though... Now that I was his for controlling I suppose, he decided he needed to assert his dominance or something. Over me, a six year old. Ridiculous, you know? Anyway, he realized he could get away with hurting me only if I wasn't in school where people could see me. He paid private tutors way more money than that job would normally earn to teach me my times tables and ignore my bruises. I hated them all for not helping me. I always tried to look as sad and pained as I could so they would feel bad about it. That's how I learned the power of manipulation.

I started using it on him, only I knew I would have to attack his oh so precious public image in order to control him. He tried to beat that out of me at first, but I refused to stay down. Any time he took me anywhere I would draw attention to myself so people would remember me and ask about me if I wasn't at the next event. I would complain loudly to him about how sad and bored I was at home and ask when I could go to school. Make people think he wasn't giving me an education, you know? It eventually worked. He started sending me to a stupid overpriced private school when I was twelve. 

That's when I realized I could write. I wrote my way into several newspapers and magazines bitching about the injustices in our justice system and my experiences with that. He had stopped hurting me physically when he started sending me to school, but when someone who had read my writings approached him and asked if I was the same Pulitzer... When he came home that day, I... I've never been more severely injured... I think I was fourteen..."

Katherine stopped again. Davey knew he needed to stay quiet for this one. Eventually she composed herself and continued.

"He almost got caught that time because it was so hard to hide. He hasn't physically hurt me since; the verbal attacks started after that. He told me just how awful I made him look and told me he hated me for being so similar to my mother. He told me I'll turn out just like her. I tell him that's not true, because she let him win. I vowed to be his detriment. Bold words coming from a kid, so he ignored them."

Katherine looked up at Davey then, a lifelong rage smoldering behind her eyes.

"But then I grew up, and I never stopped being everything he hated. He realized I have power now as an adult, so he refuses to let me be independent. I look independent on the outside, sure. I'm in college. I have my 'own' place. But he forced me to sign everything against my will. He said he'd ruin me like he ruined her if I didn't. He has a tracker on my fucking phone, Davey. If I'm not on campus during school hours, he comes here. And I'm scared of him," Katherine's voice had begun to shake with tears. "I fucking hate it but I'm so scared of him."

She set the bowl on the table and hugged herself tightly, shaking violently as she started to cry. Davey's own eyes started to water at the sight of it. It was unbearable to see strong willed, wild fire Katherine look so absolutely broken.

"You know all of that is illegal, right? You could tear him apart for this," Davey said.

Katherine shook her head, still sobbing. "He's Joseph fucking Pulitzer. No one would believe me."

"Is he the one that told you that? He's manipulating you, Kath. You know that."

"No one would believe me," she repeated, far beyond coherence. "I'm nothing. I'm no one."

Davey got up slowly and moved to stand by her chair. He pulled her arms gently away from her body and held her hands tightly in his own.

"I believe you," He said.

She leaned into him, sobbing out thank you's and clinging to his shirt like she was afraid he would disappear. He put his arms around her again, not knowing what else to do. She accepted the touch.

"I'm sorry," She managed. "I'm sorry I dumped all of that on you."

"Please don't be. I'm glad you opened up to me. It explained a lot. Maybe now I can help you."

Katherine shook her head. "There's no help for me."

"No, don't give up," Davey said.

"I already have," Katherine said softly.

"Don't say that," Davey begged as he gently wiped her tears away.

Katherine sighed, long and heavy. "I just want out, Davey. I would do anything to get out."

"Then let me help you," Davey said.

She smiled at him sadly and shook her head. "What can you do?"

"Tear him apart, like I said," Davey said.

Katherine laughed, no humor in the sound. "You think you can afford to stand up to him?"

"Well, why did you tell me out of the blue if you didn't want me to do something?"

"I just wanted to vent, Davey," Katherine sighed. "And I wanted you to understand."

Davey nodded. "That makes sense. Thank you. For trusting me, I mean."

"Thanks for being there," Katherine smiled.

 

With something in his gut telling him not to leave Katherine alone, Davey invited himself over to spend the night. Katherine had seemed irritated at that, telling him it wasn't necessary and for him not to worry which of course made him worry more.

He returned to campus the next day to get some of his things. Classes still were not back in, so no one was anywhere in sight. Davey kept looking over his shoulder, paranoid. There was, of course, no one there, but the silence and emptiness was weighing heavy on him. He couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. He wanted to get back to Katherine's as quickly as possible.

As he gathered a few changes of clothes and searched his bag for some of his work, his phone went off. He ignored it, but it buzzed two more times. Frustrated, he fished it from his pocket. It could be Les after all. 

Davey frowned upon seeing the message. It wasn't Les; it was Katherine.

**Dave theres something else Ive got to tell you**

**Something I didnt tell you yesterday**

**I figured something out**

Davey's heart quickened as he typed his reply.

_What do you mean, "figured something out?”_

I figured out a way to get out of this, out of everything

_What did you figure out?_

**Listen**

**Davey**

**I want you to know that youre great. You are an absolutely amazing person. Youre brilliant, ok? You just need to start standing up for yourself. If you can do that I know youre gonna go on to do some amazing stuff in life, if you just strengthen your backbone a little**

**Whether or not I make it out of this alive, ill be free. I hope you understand**

_Make it out of what?_

_Alive? What do you mean, "alive?"_

_Are you hurting yourself?_

_Katherine?_

_I’m calling the police right now. This better not be a joke._

Davey typed that last message in hopes of sounding like the angry, self-assured man he had transformed into for a day back home. But as he failed to type three simple digits twice before getting it right, he knew he was still nothing but a scared little boy. A layer of cold sweat covered his body as he ran to his car, phone to his ear. A small voice in his head began to chant, “no, no, no, no.”

“911, what is your emergency?”

“Hello, yes, please help me. My friend, I think she’s- Oh, fuck. I think she’s going to kill herself,” Davey heard himself half screaming, half gasping. He hadn’t realized how out of his mind he was.

“Okay, can you give me the address of her location?”

Davey knew panic attacks. Davey knew fear, loss of control, being unable to breathe or think. And yet Davey was unprepared for the level sheer terror he was currently experiencing. He shouted the address and the gate code at the dispatcher, each breath he took and each word he spoke burning his throat and lungs. He made it to his car and got behind the wheel. Usually severe attacks meant tears. But right now Davey couldn’t even cry.

“Please hurry. Please hurry. She can’t die,” He roared, pedal pushed as far as it could go.

“Sir, please try to remain calm. Help is on the way. It can be expected to arrive in under eight minutes. I hear a vehicle, are you driving?”

“Yes, I have to get to her. I have to stop to her,” Davey replied.

“Please try to calm down, sir. I don’t want you to cause an accident. Can I get a name for you and your friend?”

“Katherine, her name is Katherine Pulitzer. And I’m David Jacobs,” Davey said. “Please hurry!”

“Alright, David. There is an officer and paramedic four minutes from the address you provided. Do you know how far away you are?”

Davey slammed on his breaks as he pulled up to the gate. “I’m at the opening of her neighborhood. I’m almost there.”

He dropped the phone as he leaned out to punch in the code. He tore around the bend and jerked his car into park, not bothering to pick up his phone or close his door as he ran to Katherine’s front door. It was locked, of course. He began pounding against it with his full force, screaming for her. There was silence inside but he knew she was there.

He pounded and screamed until he heard the sirens at the gate. He turned to watch the cop car pull into the grass, ambulance stopping behind it in the road. Two officers emerged from the vehicle and rushed up to the door, shoving Davey aside. They banged against the door like Davey had, exclaiming that they were the police.

The larger of the two back up and gave a few kicks to the door near the handle before it swung open. Davey made a dash for it, but the other officer held him back. He resisted, screaming Katherine’s name, but the officer was of course several times stronger than him.

The paramedics rushed in after the cop, hands full of objects Davey couldn’t identify through his blurry vision. He kept screaming and thrashing against the cop’s iron grip. His rational mind knew it was futile. They wanted him out of the way, and they were going to damn well keep him that way.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, the paramedics emerged with Katherine between them. She was unconscious, but clearly alive. The sight of that made him calm down a bit, enough for the officer to loosen his grip on Davey’s arms. They loaded her into the back of the ambulance, the officer holding an arm across Davey’s chest as a barrier while they watched.

“Why can’t I go with her?” Davey asked, voice hoarse.

“Son, I mean this in the kindest way, but you’re too out of it to get anywhere near any of that right now,” The officer explained, voice surprisingly friendly and calming.

Davey’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry.”

“What do you say we give you a first-class ride to the hospital?” The other officer said, emerging from the house.

Davey looked up. “Really?”

“Sure, so long as you don’t mind sitting behind the bars.”

Davey dashed to his car to turn in off and grab his cell phone. Soon he was off in a speeding police car, tailing Katherine's ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love cliffhangers!! Don't we?!
> 
> No? Yell at me about it in the comments then! Or on tumblr @hopeful-broadwaybaby


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What! Another chapter so soon?!
> 
> Yes, really! But don't get too excited. It's short. But I felt bad since the previous chapter was also short, so here, have two short chapters to satisfy until I can actually write something good. This is also just. Filler?? Kinda. for new character introduction and to answer your burning questions about a certain delinquent's whereabouts. Excited now, aren't you? Well, quit reading my annoying notes and go read the story!!!

Davey had to answer the same questions to different doctors and cops all morning. No, he did not know the method of the attempt. No, he did not witness the attempt. Yes, to his knowledge he was the only one she informed of the attempt. No, he was not an immediate family member nor did he have contact information for any.

By noon, it had been made clear to Davey several times he wouldn't be allowed to see Katherine for a while. He returned to campus, dejected.

The last thing Davey expected to see when he opened the door to his dorm was two complete strangers sitting on his roommate's bed. He stood frozen in the doorway for a moment, eyes locked with one of them. The other was sitting with his head hung, pinching the bridge of his nose and seeming unaware of Davey's presence.

"I'm sorry, but what is this?" Davey finally said.

The man who had been looking down sprang to his feet suddenly and pointed at Davey. Davey flinched even though the threat was across to room and at least a head shorter than him.

"Who are you?!" He demanded.

"Wh- I live here! Who are you?" Davey said, backing up out the door.

"Take it easy, Spot," The other man said. He stood as well and put his hand on the aggressive one's shoulder. "Excuse him. We're here for Tony's things. I guess he didn't get to tell you he was leaving. Sorry, we weren't expecting anyone to be here since it's the holidays."

Davey stepped back inside and closed the door behind him hesitantly. He was still wary of two strangers being in his room unannounced, but at least one of them seemed nonthreatening.

"Um, sure. I'm David," He introduced himself, extending a hand to the taller of the two.

"Albert," He said, shaking Davey's hand. "This is Sean. He's Tony's partner and I'm his best friend."

"Why is he leaving?" Davey asked as he set his things down on the desk.

Sean sat back down and returned to looking like he was fighting off the world's worst migraine. Albert spoke for them again.

"Uh. I don't know how much you knew him, but he'd been getting into some stuff he shouldn't have. He's in the hospital. We don't know when he'll be out."

"Oh. Yeah, he... came home messed up a lot," Davey said as he sat on his own bed facing the others.

Sean looked up. "Do you know anything?"

Davey shook his head. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't even remember his name until pretty recently. He was always either out or sleeping off whatever he'd been on."

"Did you ever see what he might have been taking or doing?" Sean pressed.

Davey shook his head again. Frustrated, Sean stood and left the room.

"Spot, don't," Albert called after him, but he kept walking.

"I'm sorry. Really I am," Davey said. He felt guilty. He lived with the guy, he should be some kind of help.

"Hey, don't be. It's not your fault. We just love Tony a lot and he won't tell anyone anything. And Sean is a very straightforward guy. He can't stand it. He wants answers," Albert explained. "He also hasn't expressed an emotion once in his life. I'm pretty sure he didn't even cry as a baby."

Davey chuckled. "I can see that. Still, I wish I could help."

"He didn't say anything about where he went? Who he was with?" Albert asked. His tone was less demanding than Sean's.

"I heard him on the phone a couple of times, but I never heard any names. He was going out almost every night. I don't know any specifics, but I know some days he was completely wasted and other days it had to be some kind of stimulant. His eyes, you know?" Davey explained.

Albert nodded. "That would make sense with the test results. He just won't say whether it was pills or he was smoking something or what. I guess it doesn't matter. We're all just trying to understand."

"When the semester kicked off, he actually did go to class. We had a couple together. He was funny and quick. A little weird, but nice. Then he he was gone for a couple days and it was like a switch flipped. When he came back he was strung out. He asked me for money, but I didn't have any to give him. I figured it was for drugs, but he looked more scared than anything when I said no," Davey rambled, feeling useless.

Albert perked up. "Scared? Shit. He probably owed someone."

"Owed someone?"

Albert starting heading out the door. "Yeah, sorry, I have to go get Sean, that helped a lot. Thank you."

Davey stared at the door after Albert closed it, bewildered. Slowly he stood to his feet and looked out the door down the hall towards the building's exit.

Albert and Sean were having an intense exchange. Sean said something that sounded like "then we know exactly how to help" and Albert nodded. Sean pulled his cellphone out and made a call. Davey watched, unable to really look away as the pair made a few frantic exchanges to whoever was on the other line.

As whatever was happening progressed, Davey could see Sean's demeanor change from sad and defeated to a sort of hopeful excitement. Albert was smiling wide enough for Davey to see down the hall. Feeling as if he was intruding on something too private, Davey closed the door and returned to sitting on his bed.

Though he tried and tried to make sense of the situation, Davey couldn't. Tony, from his perspective, was just some loser of a drug addict that wasn't going anywhere in life. The only thing Davey had seen of him was his addiction. He had never thought about anything beyond that. It never occurred to him that Tony had a complex life of his own, there was a human underneath what Davey knew, that maybe there were even people who loved him as much as Sean and Albert seemed to.

He wondered if someone on the outside looking in would see Katherine the way he'd seen Tony. Maybe her professors had written her off in their minds as just another two-dimensional alcoholic twenty-something. Maybe the employees at the the liquor stores and bars she frequented viewed her as consistent background noise. Katherine wasn't those things. She was absolutely brilliant. She was complex. She was hurting. She was worth something to him. Tony was worth something to those two. Davey was slowly beginning to understand them. He wondered how many brilliant people he'd missed out on for simply defining them as their flaw in his mind. 

Then, he thought about himself. He thought about how worried he'd been all his life about how others perceived him. This was making him begin to wonder just why it mattered so much. He mattered to Katherine, he mattered to his mother, he mattered to Les, and he liked to believe he mattered to Jack to some degree and to his old friends back home. He knew he should matter to himself too, and maybe he was getting there. Maybe he had written himself off the way he'd done to so many others. Davey had written himself off as nothing more than his anxiety the way he'd written off Tony as nothing more than his addiction. But Katherine hadn't done that to him. From the second she'd laid eyes on him, she'd been digging for the person underneath. In her own strange way, she'd taught him to do the same. 

Davey stood up once more, leaving his dorm. He approached Sean and Albert. They had since disconnected from the call and were now sitting on the floor with their backs to the wall, discussing something in serious, hushed tones.

"Excuse me?" Davey asked as he neared them. They looked up. "I'd like to give you my phone number. If there's anything I can do, anything at all, let me know. I have a self destructive friend in the hospital at the moment as well. I don't want to think of you two navigating this alone."

To his surprise, the stoic Sean was the one to stand and remove his phone from his pocket. "Sure thing. David?"

Davey nodded. Sean typed something then extended the phone to Davey. He took it, reading the contact name "David (Tonio's Roommate)" before typing his number into the blank box. Sean pocketed it once more once the exchange was complete.

"What's your friend's name?" Sean crossed his arms as he spoke.

Davey's own nervous hands went to his pockets instinctively. "Katherine."

"Drugs, too?" Sean asked.

"Well, she is an alcoholic, but that isn't exactly why..." Davey didn't finish.

Sean nodded, seeming to understand. "Tony's been there, too. Wouldn't want you to navigate that alone, neither."

If Davey wasn't so oddly intimidated by this comically short man, he would have said something about the double negative. Instead he mumbled a half-thanks.

Albert stood to join them. "Circumstances have a way of bringing people together, huh?" With that, he threw an arm around each of them, bringing them towards each other's faces too rapidly for Davey's comfort.

However, when he made eye contact with Sean, he saw his own discomfort reflected there. In that moment, he was certain he felt a soul connection. Albert let them go and they each stumbled back a step. Davey reached to grip his upper arm with his opposite hand, and Sean brushed himself off indignantly. 

"Right. Well, we said we'd get a couple things for him, so we should probably get back to that," Sean said.

"So long as you're done having emotional meltdowns on his bed," Albert said, teasingly.

Sean's expression darkened. He glanced at Davey quickly, seeming almost ashamed for a moment, before marching himself back to the dorm without a word. Albert and Davey followed. 

When they got back, Davey helped them find the specific clothing items that Tony had requested. Albert questioned Davey about what seemed to be unnecessary little details. He answered everything to the best of his ability without question, and Sean stared him down while he spoke, nodding and hanging onto every word. Every so often one of Davey's answers would cause Albert and Sean to exchange a knowing look full of telepathic communication that Davey had absolutely no context for. Before they said their goodbyes, Albert hugged him again. There was a slightly visible sympathetic cringe on Sean's otherwise empty face as he watched Davey suffer. 

When the door closed behind them, Davey collapsed onto his bed. He dragged a hand down his face. Things just kept getting crazier and crazier. This was not how he had imagined spending his freshman year.

\--

Davey cringed at the light of his screen as he startled awake. He had fallen asleep working with his laptop resting on his chest. An untimely Skype call blared from the speakers. Once he'd processed all this, Davey tried to rapidly blink his eyes into focus. What if it was Les having some kind of emergency?

_Incoming call  
Jack Kelly_

Davey stopped breathing. He slowly moved his cursor to "accept." The moment Jack's tired, dirty face appeared on the screen, Davey knew he had to be dreaming. 

"Hey," Jack greeted in a hushed tone. "You got a light you can turn on so I can see you better? I miss lookin' at you."

Davey, still speechless, reached his shaking hand to turn on the desk lamp. He leaned back in front of his camera. Jack smiled in approval.

"I'm sorry I took so long to get to you. You sent that text right when my service cut off. I still don't have any. Usin' the public WiFi while I sit outside a library."

"Where are you?" Davey whispered. He didn't trust his voice.

"Can't hear ya, Dave."

"Where are you?" Davey raised his voice just enough to be heard.

"Indiana. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it back to New York on what I had, so before I left Colorado I signed up for some work exchange out here."

"I thought you were dead or in jail," Davey said, voice still quiet and shaky.

"Well, hey! I'm not. How ya been? I miss you."

"No," Davey said, suddenly loud. "I'm not-- No, I'm sick of this. We aren't going to pretend nothing happened again."

Jack looked shocked. "Davey..."

"No, shut up and listen to me! Don't 'Davey' me. You can't do this. You can't treat people however you want and expect no consequences," Davey said. The pent-up pain and anger from all their previous splits and the fight at home were fueling him.

"I'm sorry," Jack said. That was a rare thing, but Davey had shocked it out of him.

"You better be sorry. You don't get to keep people on the the hook for years and just roll into their lives when you want their body or attention. You don't get to call people pathetic. You don't get to push people away and expect them to wait on you," Davey sat up, leaning in to make himself louder. "And guess what? I didn't wait on you this time. I've been with other people and I damn well enjoyed it."

"Been with other people? What are you talkin' about?" Jack looked hurt.

"You're kidding me, right? You have no right to be upset by that! After everything you--," Davey had overwhelmed himself. He couldn't breathe enough to finish his sentence.

"Davey, Dave, hey. Don't pass out over there. Breathe for me," Jack said. He still looked shocked and saddened, but his voice was soft.

"No, I- I'm breathing-- breathing for," Davey inhaled sharply, forcing himself to catch his breath. "I'm breathing for myself."

Jack didn't know how to react to that one. When Davey quelled his chest pains enough to speak, he continued.

"Jack, I'm... In love with you. I am and I have been. And I've done everything in my power to show it and you have taken advantage of that. No, don't interrupt me. You absolutely have taken advantage of that and you don't get to deny it. But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I love you. If you don't love me, fine. Tell me so and quit dragging it out. If you do love me, I want to see some proof."

"Okay," Jack said.

"O-okay?" Davey asked.

"Okay," Jack said, nodding. "Okay, Davey. That's fair. You're right. I'm sorry. What can I do?"

Davey blinked. "Um," he didn't think he'd get this far. "Um. I don't know? You just... You have to make an effort, Jack."

"How?" Jack pressed.

"I don't know, dammit! I shouldn't have to figure your life out for you!" Davey exclaimed.

"No one asked you to care," Jack said, clearly wanting to shout but not able to given his circumstances.

Davey clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, taking a few more deep breaths. "You know what? You're right. You never did ask me to stick around. You've done absolutely nothing to show you care anything at all about my presence in your life. I guess I'll be going then."

"Wait, no. Davey, don't say that. I didn't mean it," Jack said frantically.

"If you didn't mean why did you say it?" Davey said.

"Davey, I..."

"I have to go," Davey said quietly.

"No, don't! Wait," Jack said. "Wait. I'll do somethin'. I'll show you. I'll be better, I promise. Give me a chance."

Davey said nothing else, only shook his head as he slowly moved his cursor to end the call. He fell into sobs as soon as he did. This was not at all how he'd wanted to wake up.

This was it? This was what Katherine and his therapist and Sarah wanted? This was setting boundaries, standing up for himself? He didn't like it at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I beg you to comment. I thrive off of comments. Pls


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What?! You're alive! That's crazy!" - My readers, talking about both me and Katherine

"Visiting your friend?"

Davey looked up from his book to see Sean standing before him. He closed it and held it to his chest.

"Oh, um. Yes. They said I may actually get to see her today," Davey answered quickly.

"You mind?" Sean gestured to the seat beside Davey.

"Not at all, go ahead," Davey told him, afraid to say no.

"Thanks," he said as he sat. "Sorry about Albert by the way, putting his hands all over you and such. He don't get it."

"Oh, it's okay. It just caught me off guard," Davey said.

"People just grabbing onto me always throws me off, too. Unless it's from the right person."

Davey nodded in agreement. "They're few and far between for me."

"Me, too. But when they do come I can't get enough," he said, staring at the opposite wall of the waiting room.

"It must be hard," Davey said, the tension he was holding softening. Sean seemed much less aggressive in this setting.

"What?" Sean said, turning back to make eye contact.

"Being separated from Tony," Davey said. "That's what you were talking about, right?"

Sean blinked. "Oh, yeah. Kinda. Man, it's weird to here someone else call him that. So used to our friends and all our nicknames."

"Oh, yeah. He told me about that ages ago but I forgot it almost instantly," Davey said. "Wasn't Albert calling you something else, too?"

"Spot," he told Davey. "I don't even know why he introduced me by my 'real' name. We never use it. Spot's preferred."

"'Spot.' Okay," Davey said, deciding not to question it. "What's Albert's?"

"Oh, he doesn't have one. He doesn't take well to changes, and he's been Albert his whole life. So," Spot shrugged. "What was your friend's name again?"

"Katherine, Katherine Pulitzer," Davey said.

"Pulitzer? Like Joseph Pulitzer?"

"Yeah, that's her father's name," Davey said, confused.

"He is an asshole," Spot said, shaking his head.

"How do you know him?" Davey asked.

"Tony used to work for the guy, kinda. He owns this city. It's hard work finding something he doesn't control," Spot said.

"Really? Katherine talks about the money, but she never really said where it came from."

"Hell, where doesn't it come from?" Spot thought for a moment, then asked, "Does she talk about him at all?"

"Uh," Davey hesitated. "Sometimes. I don't know if it's my place to say."

"Hm. That's fair. Sorry. Law school makes me nosy, and something just ain't right about that man," Spot said.

Davey was impressed. "You're studying law?"

"Supposed to be. But that's on hold for now with all this," Spot gestured into the air.

"I'm sorry about him. I wish I had done more," Davey said.

"Eh, don't worry about it. He's an unstoppable force once he gets on a high," Spot said.

"If it's not too invasive, something Albert said while you were out of the room confused me. I had mentioned Tony asking me for money, and Albert rushed out talking about him owing someone. I... have an overactive imagination so I was just curious about what that meant," Davey said.

"Tony is addicted to gambling," Spot explained. He paused for a moment, sizing Davey up. Davey remained rigid and silent. Spot seemed to decided to continue. "When something goes in his favor, like when he wins or when he's right, it sets something off in his head. He thinks he's invincible. He does a lot of stupid shit during that time. It always bites him in the ass, because of course he ain't actually invincible, and he must have gotten hooked on whatever it was he was taking while he was on a betting spree."

"Sean Conlon," a nursed called from the edge of the waiting room.

Spot stood. "See ya 'round, Dave."

Davey watched him walk away before turning back to his book. He was jealous. He had been here for ages, yet Spot was allowed in before him. Though, he supposed Tony was likely more stable than Katherine at this point. Still, he couldn't get any sleep worrying about her, and the doctors wouldn't tell him anything when he called because he wasn't related to her. It was ridiculous.

"David Jacobs," the same nurse called.

Davey was on his feet and striding to the nurse as quickly as he could. The young man smiled at him and led the way.

"Katherine has been asking to see you since she woke up. I think this will be very good for her. She's almost stable enough to leave the hospital, but per the involuntary commitment laws she will have to be institutionalized for a minimum of 72 hours after this," He explained.

"Will I be able to visit her there?" Davey asked.

"Possibly. It varies from institution to institution. In most cases, it depends on how stable she appears during her intake evaluation. If the psychologists she speaks to determine she isn't stable enough to make medical decisions, only family will be allowed. Otherwise she will be able to make a list of visitors she would like to allow," The nurse said. "I'm sure you'll be the first one on the list. She's been begging us for you."

Davey smiled but said nothing, not trusting himself to not cry. He was tired of crying so much. He'd cried more in college than he did during his entire youth, he was sure of it.

The nurse lead him around one final corner and approached the doorway of a room, gesturing for Davey to enter. Davey stopped in his tracks and stared, trying to gather the courage to have to wrap his mind around the state she would be in. It wasn't working. He was imagining her barely breathing attached to a million machines, frail, sick, unlike herself, and broken.

"Mr. Jacobs?" The nurse spoke, pulling Davey out of his trance. "She's okay. I promise you."

Davey took a slow, shaky breath and nodded. He lifted his chin and marched into the room, trying to hide his shaking hands.

She was only attached to two machines.

"Fucking finally!" Katherine exclaimed, reaching out to him.

He crossed the room and threw his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder.

"I hate you," he finally said, muffled by her shoulder.

"I know."

"I hate you so much."

I'm sorry."

"Never do this again. I'm so incredibly angry with you I don't have the words."

She hugged him back as best she could, apologizing over and over. Her weak hand rubbed comforting circles between his shoulder blades.

Once he'd gained a little self control, Davey pulled back to grab himself a chair. He parked it beside her bed and leaned back, crossing his arms.

"You look like shit," He said.

"Yeah, probably because I almost died and haven't eaten real food in like, two weeks now," She said.

"You look like you weigh two pounds."

"I probably do," She said, not taking the bait.

"You look like any man could knock you over with his finger tip," Davey said, desperate for an insult that would generate a real response.

"As soon as I get my strength back, I'm going to kick you in the balls so hard they're going to retreat back into you body. Then tell me about men knocking me over."

Davey put a hand to his chest. "Thank God. She's still in there."

Katherine laughed. "Oh, shut up."

"Jokes aside, I have  _several_  questions."

"That's fair," she said, grimacing. "Go ahead. Shoot."

"First of all," Davey started, then threw his hands up in a wide gesture. "Why?"

She sighed. "I tried explaining it to you. If I died, I didn't have to deal with this anymore. If I didn't I'm still free from school and.. everything. At least for a while."

"Well, I'm glad you  _didn't_  die," Davey said.

Katherine averted her eyes. "When you first got back, when you told me that you were glad I was alive... that almost stopped me."

"Almost," Davey repeated. "But not quite."

"I'd already made my mind up, Davey. I was just waiting for you to get back so I could give you a real goodbye."

"I wish I'd never gone back to my dorm," he said. He reached out to rest his hand on hers. "I wish I'd just stayed in my same tee shirt and dealt with it. I shouldn't have left you alone. I knew something was going to happen, it's why I invited myself to stay over. I felt it in my gut. I'm so sorry I left you alone."

"Don't. Stop that," She said, turning her palm to squeeze his hand. "It's not your fault. I told you, I'd already made up my mind."

Davey exhaled slowly and nodded. "I've not been sleeping just... hating myself for leaving you alone."

"Well, stop it, idiot," She told him. "Was that your only question?"

"No," Davey said. "You told me a while ago that your mother died, but when you told me the full story you said your parents just split and your father defamed her. What really happened to her?"

"The second story. I wasn't sure if I could trust you fully at first, so I lied. I always lie and say she's dead. No one asks questions about a dead woman."

Davey nodded. "Is there anything else I don't know the truth about?"

Katherine laughed. "I tell so many lies. You expect me to remember them all?"

"Fair enough. More on that as it develops, I guess."

"Yeah."

"Just one more thing," Davey began. "It's morbid curiosity, you don't have to tell me, but how did you...?"

"As soon as the door closed behind you I chugged as much vodka as I could without puking then downed what was left of my valium prescription."

"Holy fucking shit, Katherine," Davey said, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"It was horrible. When you were pounding on the door, I could hear it so clearly. I kept willing myself to get up and let you in. But I couldn't lift myself off the floor. I couldn't even move my fingers to text you back. I could physical feel my pulse slowing down. Every beat just... echoed in my skull. And-"

"Stop," He said, shaking his head more vigorously. "Stop. Stop."

She squeezed his hand again. "I'm sorry."

He squeezed back and didn't ease up. He added his other hand, clinging to hers with both and bowing his head over it. He tried to shake the horrible image of life slowly draining from her. She spoke like she wrote; descriptive and vivid.

-

Davey stayed in that room holding onto her and talking to her and reveling in the fact that she'd survived herself for as long as the hospital allowed. When his time was up, he made his way towards the front of the hospital. 

The waiting room was nearly empty, except for two people. One of them caught Davey's eye by standing as soon as he entered the area. There was something unmistakably familiar about his face. A sinking feeling began to grow in Davey's stomach as he realized who it was.

The man approached him quickly, seeming desperate to intercept him before he left. Despite his quick strides, when he opened his mouth, his voice was even and controlled.

"You're David Jacobs, correct?"

Alarms began to go off in Davey's head. Something was wrong with the man in front of him. Something was missing. Davey stared into his eyes. They were Katherine's eyes, exactly Katherine's; piercing, wise, the same color and shape. But they were so many times colder. Davey's hairs stood up and he shivered. Nevertheless, he extended a hand in greeting.

"Yes, sir," Davey confirmed.

"I'm Joseph Pulitzer. Pleasure to meet you," He said. He gave Davey a firm handshake. "I hear you saved my daughter. I take it you two are close?"

Davey was nauseated. There was nothing in this man's voice that sounded like a father who had nearly lost his daughter. There was only a fake charisma- which may have charmed Davey if the setting wasn't so incredibly inappropriate- and an air of calculation. Every word this man spoke was chosen carefully and for a reason. Davey understood he should choose his own words, too.

"The best of friends," He again confirmed the question.

"I owe you a great thanks. Perhaps we could meet sometime, get to know each other. Katherine never mentioned you very much," He said.

Davey rose to the underlying challenge, ready to play and win this little game. "Oh, really? How odd. She mentions you all the time."

Pulitzer smiled, a wide, curling, evil thing. "Does she?"

_That's right, you bastard. I know. I know everything. You're disgusting,_  Davey wanted to scream. He settled instead for smiling back.

"Of course. And I would definitely be more than happy to meet and speak with you. I could give you my class schedule and you can find a time your work allows."

"Let me get your contact information, then," Pulitzer said as he reached for his back pocket.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to take yours down instead," Davey said, reaching for his own phone. He wanted to test just how aggressive Pulitzer would be in reaction to minor defiance.

Pulitzer froze a moment, unreadable, before smiling his poisoned smile again. "I don't mind."

Davey collected his phone number but waited on messaging him immediately. He needed to talk to Katherine, maybe even Spot since he might apparently have some legal insight, and figure out what to do with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking another break from tumblr due to the unfortunate never ending stream of rude asks from Heterosexual Females™, but feel free to still follow me there and send me some nice stuff to come back to!! I just need a few days to calm down so I will soon return to my regularly scheduled shitposting @hopeful-broadwaybaby !!

**Author's Note:**

> Find my Tumblr @hopeful-broadwaybaby! I hope you'll say hello~


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